We have all felt the frustration and disappointment of doing our best to do the right thing and life still does not go the way we thought.

For 28 years, Stephen was a faithful husband to his wife. There were no drugs or alcohol or pornography. They raised two kids in a Christian home. From the outside, everything looked like it should be going right.

But within their marriage, they were falling apart. Stephen felt emotionally and physically abandoned by his wife and didn’t know what to do.

After desperately searching “Sexual Intimacy” on Google in hopes of finding some answers, Stephen stumbled upon Delight Your Marriage.

After the first podcast episode, he knew this was what the Lord had for him. He was shocked that after signing up, exactly what he had been praying for came to pass... his wife greeted him with open arms, a smile, and a “How was your day?” followed by a passionate night!

Stephen had to do his work on himself. It wasn't easy and he had to have faith that God could change it all. And He did.

This is the story we want for each person listening: to be desired by their spouse, to be connected, and to be loved in a delight-filled marriage.

We are so thankful to Stephen for sharing his story with us and we hope that his story becomes your story too.

Blessings,

Belah & Team

P.S. - If you want to know more about our Clarity Calls or how to become involved in the same work Stephen did, please reach out to us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. We would love to talk to you!

P.S.S. - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

Before the men's program: “I often felt disrespected and controlled. To a degree I felt unloved because of the lack of physical intimacy.

I often felt I couldn’t be myself or express my opinion because of the disapproval I would feel when I did. There was anger and indifference growing in me. We were growing further and further apart…”

After the men's program:

“Tension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue.

She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me, and is expressing more and more desire to grow in intimacy herself!...

Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us. One change that I think is the most telling of how the DYM program has impacted our lives:

Prior to the program we had been sleeping in separate rooms for years. I am thankful to say that I am back in our marriage bed, physically, emotionally – for good now!”

P.S.S.S… :)

A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful privilege of being a guest on the 'That's Just What I Needed' podcast with speaker & author Donna Jones, who is a friend of DYM and has actually been on our podcast as well! If you'd like to listen to the episode, we talk about what you can do make your marriage better, regardless of where you're starting. You can find it here: That’s Just What I Needed

It was so great getting to chat with her and we hope the episode blesses you immensely! We want to support Donna and the great work she is doing so if you are on social media, please give her a follow on @donnaajones and make sure to check out her new book, Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life. Thank you again for having me, Donna!

"Throughout all of history, it is clear that humans naturally are humble, self-sacrificial, and want to be of service to others"

...said no one, ever.

That is the right heart and mindset but it must be chosen and cultivated.

When we look back at our lives the things we are most proud of are not what came easily.

We are most proud of what was difficult, what took sacrifice and what was in service to something bigger than ourselves.

By nature, we don't want to do "hard".

Easy SEEMS better in the short-term, but when we choose the hard, we look back and see a life of meaning and purpose.

As a wife, it's not easy to reject the lies that society feeds us nowadays, here are a few:

Lie - "Men and women are the same"

The problem is if we're the same then we'll expect to give and receive love the same way.

So, if a wife doesn't need sex to feel loved, she'll be bitter that her husband can't live without it.

The truth sets us free. And the truth is men and women are designed differently -- equal in value and dignity but different in the ways we receive love (among other things).

In today's episode here are a few other lies we'll go into:

Lie - Don't do things for others that you don't want to do... ever (otherwise that's oppression)

Lie - Be true to your feelings at all costs (to do otherwise is inauthentic and essentially immoral)

Lie - Stay married only if you consistently feel "in love" with your spouse (regardless of kids)

Lie - Don't push yourself toward intimacy, if you aren't spontaneously feeling it, otherwise it's oppressive and BAD BAD BAD

I'd like to clarify this last point lest you not listen to today's episode.

When I push myself towards the gym because of a doctor's wisdom, am I oppressing myself? Is the doctor oppressing me for suggesting such a gruesome and heinous encouragement that could leave me sore and in discomfort for days...

No--I'm grateful he told me the truth so I can have the results he knows I want: health and well-being. Ultimately, if I do push myself to go to the gym, I feel a LOT better once I'm there and started.

In the same way, if it is true and wise and good to go towards intimacy in marriage -- regardless of how I feel naturally -- I can change my attitude and go towards this gift that God has given. And generally with the right attitude, I'll start to enjoy it in the midst.

The beautiful part about sex is when you sacrifice your feelings and wants for the good of God's plan for your marriage, you can actually start to enjoy, love, and relish in His good gift of intimacy!

It all starts with a choice to say "Not my will, but Your will be done in my life".

Love,
Belah

PS - If you are wanting to improve your marriage and have deeper intimacy with your spouse, we would love to talk with you. Please feel free to contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to schedule a free Clarity Call.

PPS - Here is a quote from one of our recent graduates:

"[Before the Delighted Wife Program], My husband and I were at the brink of complete and utter separation. We were not communicating. There was anger and yelling and volatile behavior. We were not even sleeping in the same bed, in the same room. I was feeling absolutely helpless and broken. I feared for the future and for what would happen to our family. My health was being affected and all of the struggles were really destroying both of us.”

After DW: “Through the program, I realized that first, my husband is different than I am. Second, I learned that I was not respecting, admiring, or being wholehearted in my approach to intimacy. Third, I learned that the improvement that God was effecting for our marriage needed to begin with one of us and that it was me who needed to start… I learned to see my husband through God's eyes and am determined to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses without wanting any change but instead being grateful for all that he is in my life… All of the realizations and truths spoken by Belah and validated Biblically, helped me see the errors of my ways and how I was impacting our marriage and even the past hurts and how our marriage was heading for destruction. Delight Your Marriage opened my eyes to what the Lord has in store and has filled me with so much hope. Through the tools of the program, I have been able to see the improvements that have been affected almost miraculously. To God be the Glory!!!”

When you see everyone else has great intimacy except you, how can you survive?

How can you live without this vital need being met (as God even designed it)?

I hear you.

It's painful.

It really is.

In this conversation, I hope you will feel encouraged and supported and also feel that God does care and there is direction.

Blessings,
Belah

PS - Do you want to improve your marriage? Do you want to see a move of God in your own life and in the life of your spouse, family, and friendships? We want to help you. Check out this link to schedule a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "[Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program], I was stuck in the sin of self pity. We were not enjoying each other's company. Our youngest two children were noticing, and it was not the examples we wanted to be showing them.

[After the MR program], I have become more thankful. I learned to focus on the positives. I have learned to become a better listener. I understand my wife's needs better. Because of past disappointments my wife was not my #1 priority after the Lord. Now she is... There is so much in this program that is good. I loved Belah's insights for each guy during each week's coaching call. I believe she is relying on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and it shows with each guy's reactions and progress."