Most of us are not walking around with our own sense of self. We are walking around with a secondhand one, a secondhand interesting, a secondhand valuable, a secondhand worthy, all of it made by somebody else, handed to us, and carried so long we forgot it was never ours to begin with.

Toni Morrison called it "secondhand loneliness" in Sula. This episode extends that to the whole self.

This episode is The Invitation, a relaunch, a podcast about art, film, writing, culture, and the women building first-person lives. In this episode, we get into what decentering men actually is underneath the TikTok caption, why it is not primarily about men at all, and what it actually looks like when a woman stops locating her value in someone else's confirmation and moves the source inside.

This week's tool is the Permission Slip.

new episodes every week. Find the full show notes, essays, and community at charliestoolbox.com or substack at charliestoolbox.substack.com

----more----

Tools and stories to help you choose yourself in a world that socializes you not to.

• The Ecosystem: Join our world
  • https://charliestoolbox.kit.com/00fbe52663
• The Shop: Discover exclusive tools, curated workshops, and guides for the radical woman ready to step fully into her power.
  • https://www.charliestoolbox.com/shop
• Sign up for our Substack Newsletter: Read deep dives and stories about women choosing themselves, money, self-trust, and building power outside of old systems.
  • https://charliestoolbox.substack.com/
• Website: Find more resources, learn about our methodology, and explore all our offerings in one place.
  • https://www.charliestoolbox.com/
• The Podcast: Listen to real conversations with women who've built lives beyond approval, expectation, and limits.
  • https://charliestoolbox.podbean.com/

Your sovereignty is your foundation. My role is to help you use it as a launchpad.

Follow for Daily Inspiration:

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@charliestoolbox
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/charliestoolbox/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/charliestoolbox

Take Action Now: Hit subscribe if you're ready to stop waiting for permission and start choosing yourself. New episodes drop weekly with tools for building a life that's authentically felt and beautifully lived.

300,000 Black women have been pushed out of the workforce. The system labels them "aggressive" when they speak, "not a team player" when they set boundaries, "difficult" when they advocate for themselves. These aren't random incidents; they're the deliberate mechanisms that systematically remove Black women from positions of power and influence.

Minda Harts has documented this structural violence across thousands of women's experiences and built a framework to navigate it with clarity. As a bestselling author, workplace consultant, and NYU professor, she created The Seven Trust Languages®, a system that gives women the precise vocabulary to identify where and how they're being strategically undermined at work in real time.

She's the author of The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table, Right Within: How to Heal from Racial Trauma in the Workplace, You Are More Than Magic, and Talk to Me Nice: The Seven Trust Languages for a Better Workplace. Recognized by LinkedIn as the #1 Top Voice for Equity in the Workplace and by Business Insider as one of the 100 People Transforming Business, Minda is the founder of The Memo LLC and Queen of Harts Productions. She works with Fortune 500 companies to rebuild trust and teaches the next generation of leaders at NYU's Wagner School of Public Service. In this conversation, Minda shows you how to see the patterns, name what's happening, and make strategic choices that protect your power.

You can find Minda Hart's work here:

Website: https://www.mindaharts.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mindaharts/?hl=en

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@OfficialMindaHarts

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mindaharts/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MindaHarts/

----more----

Tools and stories to help you choose yourself in a world that socializes you not to.

The Shop: Discover exclusive tools, curated workshops, and guides for the radical woman ready to step fully into her power. https://www.charliestoolbox.com/shop

Substack Newsletter: Read deep dives and stories about women choosing themselves, money, self-trust, and building power outside of old systems. https://charliestoolbox.substack.com/

Website: Find more resources, learn about our methodology, and explore all our offerings in one place. https://www.charliestoolbox.com/

The Podcast: Listen to real conversations with women who've built lives beyond approval, expectation, and limits. https://charliestoolbox.podbean.com/

Your sovereignty is your foundation. My role is to help you use it as a launchpad.

**Follow for Daily Inspiration:**

- TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@charliestoolbox

- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/charliestoolbox/

- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/charliestoolbox

Take Action Now: Hit subscribe if you're ready to stop waiting for permission and start choosing yourself. New episodes drop weekly with tools for building a life that's authentically felt and beautifully lived.

What if owning yourself had nothing to do with hating yourself into submission? In this episode, I challenge the toxic belief that you need to criticize, shame, or beat yourself up to become better. The truth is, real self-ownership comes from acceptance, not attack.

I'll share practical tools for owning who you are right now, flaws, mistakes, and all, without falling into the self-hatred trap. You'll learn how to take responsibility for your life without the constant negative self-talk, how to accept yourself while still growing, and how to find genuine joy in being exactly who you are.

Whether you've been stuck in a cycle of self-criticism or you're tired of thinking you need to hate yourself to improve, this episode offers a different path. Listen in to discover how true self-ownership is built on compassion, not cruelty.

----more----

Tools and stories to help you choose yourself in a world that socializes you not to.

• The Shop: Discover exclusive tools, curated workshops, and guides for the radical woman ready to step fully into her power.
  • https://www.charliestoolbox.com/shop
• Sign up for our Substack Newsletter: Read deep dives and stories about women choosing themselves, money, self-trust, and building power outside of old systems.
  • https://charliestoolbox.substack.com/
• Website: Find more resources, learn about our methodology, and explore all our offerings in one place.
  • https://www.charliestoolbox.com/
• The Podcast: Listen to real conversations with women who've built lives beyond approval, expectation, and limits.
  • https://charliestoolbox.podbean.com/

Your sovereignty is your foundation. My role is to help you use it as a launchpad.

Follow for Daily Inspiration:

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@charliestoolbox
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/charliestoolbox/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/charliestoolbox

Take Action Now: Hit subscribe if you're ready to stop waiting for permission and start choosing yourself. New episodes drop weekly with tools for building a life that's authentically felt and beautifully lived.