Feeling Like You Don’t Fit In on Your Team? How Young Athletes Can Build Connection & Confidence

Host Valerie Alston discusses how common it is for youth athletes to feel like outsiders on a new team, when moving up age brackets, or transitioning from JV to varsity, and emphasizes that not fitting in doesn’t mean you don’t belong. She explains that teams aren’t necessarily friend groups; athletes don’t need to be best friends with everyone, but they do need trust, communication, respect, and support to compete together. The episode offers practical ways to find common ground: asking simple getting-to-know-you questions, giving compliments, communicating first, and bonding through shared practice and game experiences, while encouraging athletes to control what they can control, build confidence in being themselves, and aim for a few trusted connections. It concludes with conversation questions for families and ways to follow the show.

00:00 Feeling Left Out

01:11 Why It Happens

02:01 Team Not Friend Group

03:48 Connect On The Field

04:55 Find Common Ground

07:45 Small Circle Is Fine

09:27 Control What You Can

11:00 Conversation Rules

12:00 Guided Questions

16:21 Wrap Up And Resources

Discussion questions:

• Have you ever felt like you didn’t quite fit in on a team? What made it feel that way?
• What’s one small way you could connect with a teammate, even if you don’t have much in common?
• Do you feel like you need to be friends with everyone on your team, or is it okay to just have a few close connections?
• What kind of teammate do you want to be, even if others aren’t acting the same way?

Thanks for joining me on Confident, Calm, and Clutch Car Ride Conversations! If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a moment. Share it with other parents or coaches who could use a little extra inspiration on the go.

For exclusive tips, tools, and updates join my newsletter at www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletter

For more specific tips on building mental toughness, buy my book Confident, Calm and Clutch: How to build confidence and mental toughness for young athletes using sports psychology

If you are a coach looking for ways to build mental toughness into your practices then check out my coaching resources (books, assessments, conversation starters, community and more) here.

Parents join my Facebook group to Help Your Athlete Gain Mental Toughness for Parents

Have an idea for a topic? Submit your idea here.

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email me: valerie.alston@valstoncoaching.com

Follow Me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valstoncoaching

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/valstoncoaching

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@valstoncoaching9666

Watch every episode of Car Ride Conversations here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V

Core Values for Athletes: How to Handle Unfair Playing Time, Favoritism & Setbacks

This episode was inspired by a discussion with an athlete frustrated by limited playing time and perceived unfairness, including the coach’s son getting more opportunities. She explains athletes can’t control circumstances but can control their character by defining 2–3 core values that guide behavior under pressure, uncertainty, and disappointment. Using examples like bench time, bad referee calls, and her own high school softball experience, she emphasizes that adversity reveals character and that coaches often decide based on attitude, resilience, and teammate behavior as much as skill. She highlights Texas walk-on Sarah Graves as a model of choosing to be an elite teammate and culture builder, introduces a “recruiting lens” to evaluate body language and responses, and offers reflection questions for families to discuss values and actions for the next practice or game.

00:00 When Sports Feel Unfair

01:20 Control What You Can

03:08 Choose Your Response

04:39 Define Core Values

06:05 Sarah Graves Example

08:17 Make Values Actionable

09:59 Recruiting Lens Mindset

12:11 Reset After Mistakes

14:58 Podcast Support Message

15:23 Car Ride Questions

19:27 Final Takeaways Goodbye

Discussion questions:

1. What kind of athlete and teammate do you want to be — regardless of your role or playing time?
2. If a coach who didn’t know you was watching, what would they say about your attitude and behavior?
3. When things feel unfair, what’s the hardest part for you — and how do you usually respond?
4. What’s one way you could show your values more clearly in your next practice or game?

Thanks for joining me on Confident, Calm, and Clutch Car Ride Conversations! If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a moment. Share it with other parents or coaches who could use a little extra inspiration on the go.

For exclusive tips, tools, and updates join my newsletter at www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletter

For more specific tips on building mental toughness, buy my book Confident, Calm and Clutch: How to build confidence and mental toughness for young athletes using sports psychology

If you are a coach looking for ways to build mental toughness into your practices then check out my coaching resources (books, assessments, conversation starters, community and more) here.

Parents join my Facebook group to Help Your Athlete Gain Mental Toughness for Parents

Have an idea for a topic? Submit your idea here.

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email me: valerie.alston@valstoncoaching.com

Follow Me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valstoncoaching

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/valstoncoaching

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@valstoncoaching9666

Watch every episode of Car Ride Conversations here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V

How Travel Sports Build Mental Toughness, Perspective & Gratitude

Valerie Alston discusses how travel sports can be used intentionally to build young athletes’ perspective, character, mental toughness, adaptability, and gratitude. Inspired by a coaching friend who takes athletes overseas (especially to Italy) to experience different cultures, language barriers, and communal post-game meals, Valerie notes that international travel isn’t realistic for most families but that even trips to other cities, states, or environments can expand a child’s “bubble” when approached with curiosity rather than judgment. She encourages parents and coaches to prime athletes to adapt to unfamiliar routines, facilities, and conditions, and to use travel to gain experiences beyond the field through local food, landmarks, and reflection. The episode ends with conversation prompts for families and ways to engage with the podcast and newsletter.

00:00 Why Travel Matters

01:24 Italy Trip Lessons

03:51 Local Travel Perspective

05:08 Adaptability Mental Toughness

08:06 Gratitude Through Travel

10:31 Make Trips More Than Games

13:16 Conversation Prompts Setup

13:38 Questions For Families

16:58 Wrap Up And Resources

Discussion questions:

• What’s something you’ve noticed when we travel for your sport that feels different from home?
• What’s one thing you’ve learned from playing teams in other places?
• Did anything on this trip make you appreciate something about your life or your routine more?
• If we wanted to get more out of our travel experiences, what’s one thing we could start doing differently?

Thanks for joining me on Confident, Calm, and Clutch Car Ride Conversations! If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a moment. Share it with other parents or coaches who could use a little extra inspiration on the go.

For exclusive tips, tools, and updates join my newsletter at www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletter

For more specific tips on building mental toughness, buy my book Confident, Calm and Clutch: How to build confidence and mental toughness for young athletes using sports psychology

If you are a coach looking for ways to build mental toughness into your practices then check out my coaching resources (books, assessments, conversation starters, community and more) here.

Parents join my Facebook group to Help Your Athlete Gain Mental Toughness for Parents

Have an idea for a topic? Submit your idea here.

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email me: valerie.alston@valstoncoaching.com

Follow Me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valstoncoaching

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/valstoncoaching

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@valstoncoaching9666

Watch every episode of Car Ride Conversations here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V