#5: Marriage, Responsibility, and Outside Influence: With Rabbi Zimmerman
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About this listen
In Part 2 of The Marriage Series, Mena Reisner continues the conversation with Rabbi Zimmerman, focusing on the forces that shape a marriage from the outside as much as from within.
The discussion explores how responsibility to a spouse is balanced alongside chesed and communal life, whether men and women have distinct roles within the home, what time apart means for a relationship, how parents should respond when children criticise the other spouse, and how couples navigate tension involving parents and in-laws.
A practical Torah conversation about protecting the marriage while managing the many expectations, loyalties, and pressures surrounding it.
Timestamps:
- 0:00:00 — Intro, episode purpose; marriage as a nisayon (test)
- 0:01:55 — Nisayon concept; when to work on marriage vs. leave
- 0:03:07 — Balancing chesed (communal work) and family priorities
- 0:06:34 — Need for sibuk/fulfillment and balance
- 0:08:02 — Who is a “good husband”; middot and helping at home
- 0:10:22 — Role changes, spheres of influence, and women working/men learning
- 0:14:36 — Household chores, everyday tensions, helping each other
- 0:15:32 — Spouses taking trips alone vs. shared time; healthy independence
- 0:18:21 — Vatranus from strength vs. weakness; avoiding resentment
- 0:20:53 — When giving in becomes damaging; loss of connection
- 0:23:39 — Sponsorship mention / memorial
- 0:25:13 — Children complaining about a parent; validating feelings vs. undermining
- 0:28:37 — Use of third party for parental disagreements
- 0:29:39 — In-law/parents interference; halachic considerations for kibbud
- 0:33:28 — Responding when partner speaks negatively about parents; validate feelings
- 0:36:28 — Sharing marital struggles with friends; discretion and appropriate advisors
- 0:38:13 — Truth vs. shalom bayit — not always full openness
- 0:41:12 — Respect issues (earnings, abilities); focus on virtues (malus)
- 0:43:40 — “Never sleep angry” advice — depends on personalities
- 0:45:36 — Preparing couples for marriage; middot as key predictor; post-marriage mentoring
- 0:49:48 — Closing, call for listener questions and contact info