We talk with Josh Rittenbach about growing up with a transactional view of God and how shame fed addiction, anger, and collapse in his marriage. We also share the moment the gospel finally felt real and how forgiveness, identity in Christ, and the secret place changed the way Josh lives and fathers his girls.
• growing up Adventist in small-town North Dakota and learning to perform for approval
• separating God from Jesus in childhood imagination and living under a courtroom mindset
• carrying shame from early trauma and trying to stay numb through substances and constant noise
• guilt over “messing up God’s plan” and the slide into weed, cigarettes, and legal trouble
• attempting a reset through theology, psychology, church involvement, and outward stability
• life as a farmer and father while hiding pill use to function and avoid silence
• quitting opioids, facing withdrawals, and hitting emotional rock bottom through divorce
• hearing the message that Jesus is enough and discovering right standing in Christ
• reading Scripture with new hunger and learning what righteousness, justification, and sanctification mean
• Matthew 18 reframing forgiveness as receiving radical mercy and releasing shame
• identity as a beloved son and letting Jesus handle what we cannot fix

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