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You're Not Listening

What You're Missing and Why It Matters

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About this listen

"Narrating her own work, Murphy is certainly worthy of the listener's attention. She offers a sincere, passionate voice that is capable of delivering some hard truths about the current state of things while also showing the way toward a truly connected society." — AudioFile Magazine

**This program is read by the author**

When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you?


At work, we’re taught to lead the conversation.
On social media, we shape our personal narratives.
At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians.
We’re not listening.
And no one is listening to us.

Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it’s making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here.

In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we’re not listening, what it’s doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Equal parts cultural observation, scientific exploration, and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice, You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion. It’s time to stop talking and start listening.

"An essential book for our times." - Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

Business Communication Career Success Communication & Social Skills Personal Development Physical Illness & Disease Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Sociology Witty
All stars
Most relevant
So many people who want to be heard. So few of those who are genuinely willing to listen. Genuine listening is a commodity that is in short supply in today’s worĺd. This is why we are ready to pay for the privilege to be heard. We give our money to fraudsters, many times just because they listened to our stories. We give away loads of personal information to social networking sites because they give us the opportunity to be heard. We pay ever more to our psychologists and therapists, because hardly anyone wants to listen to us for free. So if you are a good listener, you can give people the thing they want most in life. We all want respect and the feeling of connection, of belonging. And that’s what being heard is all about. 

I am not a good listener. This is the reason I picked up Kate Murphy’s book in the first place. Apart from arguing for the importance of listening as summarized above, Kate Murphy preaches the good news that basically anyone can become a better listener. So I am full of hope to learn to pay attention, to stop thinking about what I will say next, and to value the opportunity to learn something about the person I am talking to (after all, I already know about myself). And I do hope that from now on I will keep my phone muted and put away, preferably to another room, during family meals. 

an ode to hearing and listening

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