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Summary

To make up or break up? Whether you’re just getting serious or have a long-term commitment, no other question causes so much heartache and self-doubt. Many other books tell you how to fix your relationship. This groundbreaking best seller is the first one to help you choose whether you should try—or you need to go.

Psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum draws on years of research and her work with real-life couples to help you make the right decision. She shows you how to diagnose your unique situation with self-analysis and questions like these, which get to the very heart of your problems:

  • What sins are forgivable and which ones unpardonable?
  • Is your partner questioning your opinions to the point where you doubt yourself?
  • What is your sex life really like, and how important is it?
  • Is there real love left between you, and how does it stack up against all that you find unlovable?
  • Mira Kirshenbaum provides expert guidelines that are the key to making all your choices, concrete steps that you can implement right now, and the ultimate way to determine your personal bottom line—what you need to be happy. This remarkably insightful and probing guide offers advice that lets you see the truth about your relationship—and with wisdom and compassion, it helps you act with the confidence of knowing that, whether you decide to go or stay, you are doing the very best thing.

    ©1997 Mira Kirshenbaum (P)2010 Brilliance Audio, Inc.

    Critic reviews

    "[T]hreaded through the book, which is written in a sympathetic, chatty, accessible style, are validating anecdotes that dramatize how other people have experienced and responded to the same problems the reader is going through." ( Publishers Weekly)

    What listeners say about Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay

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    • Overall
      5 out of 5 stars

    A helpful emotional navigational tool!

    A helpful emotional navigational tool! gives you plenty to think about if your feeling ambivalent about your relationship.

    1 person found this helpful

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    • Z
    • 09-10-20

    helped me decide what to do with my relationship

    like many others who are looking to buy this book, I was in a 6 year relationship which I had become increasingly unhappy with. but I wasn't that bad so I was stuck with what I should do. there were many of the points I related to and they are not rocket science but the value of this book is hearing examples of couples that can be related to and hearing how they were happier if they left the relationship. ultimately, I decided to leave the relationship and a few months on (even though it was horrible at 1sr) i can honestly say I am glad I left and I am glad I bought and listened too this book. I may of left eventually myself but this helped me get their quicker. you become so bogged down in a relationship and nothing is clear anymore but it sure is once you are free.

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      3 out of 5 stars

    Where there is doubt, there is no doubt

    While a good and well structured book. Ultimate it can be summarised in the quote from Sit Alex Ferguson about whether to play a player or not. The same with relationships, if there is doubt, there is no doubt you should end the relationship.

    The dimensions you need to consider are useful.

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    • Danielle
    • 26-09-11

    Amazing

    This book is so amazing, really made me see clear about my relationship. I realised that yes we did have some issues that definitely needed to be addressed but that in the end, my relationship was 'too good to leave' and that it was definitely worth fighting for. We have now been seeing a relationship counsellor and are happier than ever! Thank you :):):)

    22 people found this helpful

    • Overall
      5 out of 5 stars
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    • Cynthia
    • 30-06-10

    Excellent Book!

    Well written and the reader was perfect... I listened to this book 3 times over. I highly recommend it.

    16 people found this helpful

    • Overall
      4 out of 5 stars
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    • Nadia
    • 07-06-10

    Gives you much to think about

    The best part of this book is that it gives you concrete questions that help you examine specific aspects of your relationship. The author is honest about there being no specific signs that point to a clear and definitive need to leave or stay. Rather, she gives listeners the percentages of ppl who, given their responses for the questions, were happy leaving (or unhappy staying).

    This isn't for those who are looking for someone to give them the answer. But it is for those are willing to put their emotional energy into rethinking their relationships and making practical decisions that will either end them or revive them.

    30 people found this helpful

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      5 out of 5 stars
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    • Cathy Morison
    • 07-08-11

    Hit the mark

    Right from the get-go, this book hits the mark. I felt it delivered what it promised, and for me it was a case of 'right book, right time'. It is very easy to listen to. I would highly recommend it for those in 'relationship ambivalence'. It promises clarity, and delivers. The rest is up to you.

    14 people found this helpful

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    • Kim
    • 26-01-12

    Insightful

    I enjoyed this book because it did not try and tell me what to do. It just gave me things to think about, and put some things in perspective. It is a good way to get out of the vicious cycle of thinking too much, because it sets a path for you to find your own answers. Just because you're ambivalent doesn't necessarily mean that things are bad OR good. It just means you need some clarity, and I think the author's questions are a good starting point for that clarity.

    9 people found this helpful

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    • Michelle
    • 19-12-11

    Helped me decide whether to leave my husband

    What did you love best about Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay?

    I loved the question format of hte book as the author takes you through 30+ areas to examine in your relationship. It ended the going round and round in circles of guilt at wanting to leave, and fear of not wanting to leave.

    What was one of the most memorable moments of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay?

    The realisation that I had mostly negative answers to the 30+ questions posed, and that I was staying out of guilt/fear and not love.

    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    No - it requires a digestion question by question

    Any additional comments?

    A must read for anyone who has any doubts about their relationship. It is such a relief to get clarity on whether it works or not!

    18 people found this helpful

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    • Dean Richards
    • 17-12-11

    If You Want to Reach a Decision....

    Where does Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay rank among all the audiobooks you???ve listened to so far?

    An avid Audible listener, Too Good is among the five best listens so far. Clear and step by step, good structure but not too much, the book is a great relationship guide about what is and isn't important for each relationship and how to determine one's own position..

    What other book might you compare Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay to and why?

    A reasonable comparison might be Outliers, not because they have similar content, but more because they both present what might be controversial information in a most useful and helpful way. I was left pondering both for weeks afterward.

    What insight do you think you???ll apply from Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay?

    For any relationship, the book gives practical steps to follow for determination about whether or not to stay in a relationship.

    Any additional comments?

    I'd recommend this as a great guide for anyone wondering if they should stay or go .

    6 people found this helpful

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    • Jennifer M.
    • 10-12-16

    Poppycock!

    So you get through each question only to be told at the end of the book that if you have even one problem with your partner (that would be fixable or otherwise), then you should leave. Just one. I answered a couple that could be fixed with couples therapy but nooooo the book is suggesting I leave. I don't think relationships are as cut and dry as this. Maybe I'm missing the point of this book? It promised to give me clarity and I have gotten that with answering the questions and listening to the examples BUT what I learned and clarified doesn't seem to be congruent with what they suggest I do. What sucks is that my boyfriend is reading this book too...hopefully this won't be the end all because there's more good than bad in our relationship and things that could definitely be fixed. Story, good. Ending, not good.

    UPDATE: By not taking this authors advice, my boyfriend and I worked through our issues and even got engaged 6 months after reading it, 3 years ago, married 2 years ago and are now experiencing the best relationship we have ever been had (including past relationships). I don't know who that will help, but I for one realized you cannot put your life in the hands of an author who has never met you. Don't look for confirmation bias. Live your life, look within yourself to figure out your own problems and with honest self reflection, you too can figure out what you are contributing to the situation and then take action to figure out how to rectify it. You can only control you. Now go and make good choices!

    5 people found this helpful

    • Overall
      5 out of 5 stars
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    • Stephen
    • 20-08-10

    Big help for clarifying marriage health.

    This book really spelled out all the avenues that needed to be addressed, and where my wife and I stood on the issues.

    It confirmed my concerns and put me at ease. Took away the guilt. One small problem. I'm still married! Still in limbo, but now I know I need to take action and move on with my life. According to the book, there is no question that my marriage needs to end. The biggest and clearest area for me was "off the tableitus". My wife has had it for 14 years! A must read if you are on the fence. Just follow through once you have the answers from the book. Easier said then done.

    17 people found this helpful

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    • Clare
    • 04-08-15

    10/10

    Amazing insight in to relationships. I related to 90% of things talked about. Make sure you have a pen and paper ready as I am now going to by the hard copy and highlight sections. Enjoy your new future with or without your current partner.

    4 people found this helpful