The Velvet Rage cover art

The Velvet Rage

Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

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The Velvet Rage

By: Alan Downs PhD
Narrated by: Alan Downs PhD
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About this listen

The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out”, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger - a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.

Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.

©2005, 2006, 2012 Alan Downs (P)2012 HighBridge Company Gay Studies Gender Studies LGBTQ+ Studies Social Sciences Rage Mental Health Inspiring Thought-Provoking Substance abuse

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All stars
Most relevant
This is one book that has completely altered my lens on life and it is revolutionary!

Profound and Life Changing

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Didn’t expect to connect with this book as I did, made me realise I harboured a lot of shame and the author describes what to do about this.

Well written and knowledgable

Brilliant

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Narration was soothing, calming and reassuring. The content made a lot of sense to me and to be honest, it would be fairly useful for a lot of people. It was a book that revealed a lot to me about who I am and how I may have been influenced by childhood differences etc. If you are a counselor or therapist, it would be a good read or listen if you have gay or lesbian clients. While the book focuses on gay men, there are interesting parts that could be applied to pretty much anyone struggling with the dymanics of shame, families and relationships.

Why didn't I get hold of this years ago

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The book is packed with information nuggets and Eureka effect (for me). I loved the that fact the entire storyline is supported by stories and personal experience. I first read the book when I was around 20. I came across the book couple of days ago and I remembered I had liked the book but honestly, I didn’t remember much of it. Now reading it again (age 34) and I loved it just as much. I could relate and/or understand every bit of the book. Very well captured.

I read some comments about the performance that it’s dramatic and slow… I think the book has really so much information and takeaway points, it’s not a book that you can listen while you’re hovering or washing dishes. You really need to find a moment to sit down and digest the information. I’ve never been to therapy sessions in my life but I consider listening this book properly as if I had a dozens of sessions. Thank you for that! 🙏

Valuable and cheapest therapy for every gay man

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A must read for anyone on the journey of self actualisation. This perspective on life from that of gay man shines a light on parts of the psyche normally kept hidden and leaves the reader with a sense of responsibility and hope.

Beautiful work!

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