If your gay, you need this.

I loved this. It was interesting the whole way through. And there is invaluable advise you can cherish for years to come. It can be tough being gay, but it doesn't have to be.
I always had a feeling there was something wrong with me. Something missing. This book validates and highlights that thing that was missing. I hope all the best to anyone that gets this book. And that they work to find the peace they deserve.

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Brilliant

Didn’t expect to connect with this book as I did, made me realise I harboured a lot of shame and the author describes what to do about this.

Well written and knowledgable

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I finally listened.

Like many gay men I bought this book years ago and assumed it’s presence in my bookcase would convey its message. Losing my wonderful husband being widowed lockdown and finally coming out to my parents in my 40’s meant I found time to learn it’s lessons and reflect on all those times in my life gay shame led me to behave badly act impulsively or simply talk myself into despair. To make it more funny I’m also a psychologist. Now I have listened to this book I have a renewed vision and understanding of how I got here. But more importantly some things I need to change. If you’re a gay man and are any age of 30 (or indeed any age in some communities) you need to read this book. It just might make things better.

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A must read for the gay man looking to find himself

Even though it’s been almost two decades since its fist release this book is still absolutely mind blowing. So many people will hopefully see sides of themselves while going through this book.

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Overwhelmingly meaningful

I relate to almost every part of this book, as I search for my own authentic life Alan’s stories and knowledge has made me feel that I’m not alone and that there’s hope once we understand the affects that toxic shame has in the life of most if not all gay men. I highly recommend it and it’s no wonder it’s been labelled “the gay bible” by many.

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Every gay man should read this book at some point in his life

At times it was very difficult to listen to the truth & pain Alan Downs understands so well about all gay men but I'm glad I kept listening - I feel my awareness about my own struggles has increased significantly. Fantastic book.

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It helps me truly understand of myself

I read this book during the time I came out with my family for the second time, as I was rejected by my own mother and didn’t get support from my 2 brothers when I told them for the first time that I was gay.
It was a revelation for me and truly seeing myself in the book from one chapter to another. This helps me process my feelings, emotions, rejections, splitting personality, rage and anger, suicidal thoughts and many more. I finally accepted myself and overcome the shame of being gay in a straight man broken world. I can’t thank you enough Dr. Downs. Kudos to you and your team!

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A Must Read and Must Critique

Alan Downs presents his thesis on the origins of the unique neuroses of the gay man with enjoyable style and a typically American confidence. He clearly demonstrates his psychological expertise in his quite original formulation of the gay experience, integrating concepts from behaviourism, cognitive psychology and psychoanalysis in a way which is satisfying to those of us able to recognise them, and completely accessible and unintimidating to the layman. Unfortunately, Downs begins from a perspective of wealthy, privileged and presumably white cis-heteronormativity from which he fails to break or deviate at any time. His personal anecdotes, in early chapters especially, may alienate some readers as they did my partner, although I would encourage them to try to see past these restricted illustrations to the genuine insight beneath. More than anything, this book and books like are symbolic of the progress from queerness being labelled as deviant psychopathology to being understood compassionately through normative psychology. Therefore, it is an essential read, so that we can develop and improve on the ideas presented, towards a more inclusive and relevant thesis.

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Real stories I can connect with

I’ve read books on physiology before but it’s so much more engaging and relatable when you have real examples.

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Amazing

So relatable to any gay man no matter your race age or upbringing definitely recommend espionage to any fellow friends of Dorothy rainbow😘🌈

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