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Summary

A great "philosopher" once said, "Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color nine." But the fact is, men can understand women to their great benefit. All they need is the right teacher. And, arguably, there is no better teacher than John Gottman, PhD, a world-renowned relationships researcher and author of the best-selling 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work.

His new book, written with wife Julie Gottman, a clinical psychologist; Doug Abrams; and Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD, is based on 40 years of scientific study, much of it gleaned from the Gottmans' popular couples' workshops and the "love lab" at the University of Washington. It's written primarily for men because new research suggests that it is the man in a relationship who wields the most influence to make it great or screw it up beyond repair.

The Man's Guide to Women offers the science-based answers to the question: What do women really want in men? The book explains the hallmarks of manhood that most women find attractive and helps men hone those skills to be the men women desire.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying reference material will be available in your Library section along with the audio.

©2016 John Gottman, PhD, Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, Douglas Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD (P)2015 Audible, Inc.

What listeners say about The Man's Guide to Women

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A good investment...

Except for perhaps one or two tips, and that it's worded like all the change or responsibility is for the man, this book is probably the best I've read (heard - thanks audible) and has many lessons. I'm sure I'll play it through a few times.

10 people found this helpful

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There Is Nothing In This Book To Help Men.

This to me had some very critical flaws to the underlying information. It is a Walt Disney fairy tale. If men are dependable, which men really generally are, and if they listen to their partner, all will be fine.

There is an elephant in the room regarding dependable men who have done the right thing yet end up divorced raped. There is no solution presented in this in this book for men who've the right thing. Being Dependable and trustworthy but why will she try to walk all over you? No answer.

There are no negatives about women nor is this a balanced perspective. We need to know about hypergamy, we need to know why partners go and have affairs. We need to hear about power imbalances in a relationship. As men we need to know the truth about why there are so many single women out there. This is not the right book to explain it.

There are no saving graces. It's all about her and how you can put her on a pedestal. This is the wrong mentality in the first place.

I Didn't like the book or its approach. The science claims are patchy and in my opinion, one sided.

10 people found this helpful

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brilliantly clear and informative

This book is written by academics but it is written in an entertaining non-academic manner. However, it is still highly informative and dependable on scientific knowledge based on evolutionary theory. Its coverage is great and it reads very well. I would definitely recommended this book to any man who wants to increase his understanding of women in a solid, reliable way.

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My Eyes Have Been Opened!

This is the book I wish I had in my teens. Would have saved me a lot of mistakes but I'm glad I found it because it's never too late to learn!

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Brilliant from start to finish

Such a brilliant book, I learned so much, must listen for both men and women, amazingly narrated by Eric Michael Summerer :)

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Helpful hints for men!

This book is full of usefulness for men about that most complex conundrum; women! Their needs, their desires, their dreams. Invaluable!

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patronising to men

a lot of the psychology seems fine but the author talks about men like they are stupid beast that are hopelessly lost and can't take care of themselves without a woman to do it for them

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Compulsory reading

Addictive, educational, humerous & surprising.
A must in your library! Addictive, educational, humerous & surprising.
A must in your library!

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  • 12-08-21

Good points and bad

great points here but it really doesn't do enough to empower men. Where is the boundary men need? what about dealing with difficult, BDP etc women. At points it shames men calling them stupid.

Also the agenda is very biased to keep men monogamous, co-dependent. time to work on the new conscious man

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A woman's review...


This should be part of the national curriculum for teenage boys. It is spot on! Hopefully this will save my relationship.

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  • Steve C
  • 10-02-16

Great advice from the Love Lab again

If you want to develop your communication methods and create a stronger relationship, then this is an excellent choice. The term Zero and Hero are used often, and I like to think you might as well sum it up as how not to be an asshat. I was raised mostly by women and thought I had a decent grasp. This book tied together a lot of parts and pieces of the right things and behaviors floating about in my brain.

Even if you're in a good relationship you can still gain from the insights held within.

28 people found this helpful

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  • Andrea
  • 25-04-17

Invaluable

Gottman is on his game with this one. It's not about what men do wrong, or about being ashamed of shortcomings- it's about reconciling differences and learning to be together. If you want a healthy relationship, if you want to know how healthy women operate, listen to this book for a guideline.

15 people found this helpful

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  • Nutsman
  • 31-03-21

Wouldn't recommend this book to my three son's.

This book would have been recommended 4 or 5 decades ago. But with all the changes to our society, I can't and won't recommend this book to any young man. I heard in this book, how men need to step up, but I see no part of society asking women to do their part. Of all the young couples I see around me, I see the men carrying most of the load. Women are filling for divorce most of the time, and with no spousal infidelity, abuse. And where are the authors telling women they need to step up. There's not. Just crickets. If you want to train your boys to be there woman's emotional diaper give them this book. Just to let you know I have a daughter that means the world to me.

13 people found this helpful

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  • Fanie
  • 25-01-21

Not on the right track

Supplicating to woman won’t work. Work on yourself and strive for excellence. Make yourself your point of reference and take the ones you love with you.

12 people found this helpful

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  • Nathaniel
  • 08-10-19

This is the definitive guide to women

This is the best book a man can read right up there next to the Bible.
I say that, but even homosexual relationships could benefit from the knowledge herein.
This is hands down a must read for any man seeking a partner. I've read multiple other relationship books and even books on how to be a player and get laid bla bla bla. This trumps em all.

9 people found this helpful

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  • Alduan Tartt, PhD
  • 25-11-16

We Want to Be Heroes For Our Wives

This book was a-mazing! As men, we are expected to know how to love women correctly for life but that is impossible,in my opinion, without some serious help. How can we understand women when they are so different? I think many men learn trial by fire and by failing and not understanding why or what went wrong. This book allows us to be heroes by studying up, reading up versus giving up and has practical steps to make us more empowered in relationships. Who really wants to fail in love?

This book will help men (us) to get it right or as close to right as possible. I will recommend this guide to every male friend, relative, mentee and even future sons-in-law so they have a proven guide to make their wives happy. Thank you Gottmans and Abrams!

17 people found this helpful

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  • J. Miles
  • 03-01-18

ok book. not for longer married couples

first chapters give ok info. more for early in relationships not longer term married couples

16 people found this helpful

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  • SuperBostonTerrier
  • 21-01-21

generic, biased and beta way to deal with women

in short don't be a jerk, listen, become whipped, also marriage is the holy grail of relationship forget anything else.....yea right, overly simplistic, cliche with constant your zero or a hero durrrr, half is common sense, no advice on when things go bad, when to leave a marriage, how to restart or deal with breakups or how to break up just be the perfect man

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  • Roldy
  • 15-09-16

Totally relevant information

I felt like this book was written for me. Every chapter has value. Be sure to bookmark!

5 people found this helpful

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  • misterocasey
  • 08-02-16

should be mandatory

if you love a woman, get this book. ATTUNE works immediately. there are some assumptions steeped in traditional role definitions at the end, toward the sexuality section. these may or may not apply to your relationship. either way, the content and the concept are worth a listen.

10 people found this helpful