The Leopard in My House cover art

The Leopard in My House

One man’s adventures in cancerland

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The Leopard in My House

By: Mark Steel
Narrated by: Mark Steel
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About this listen

Brought to you by Penguin.

‘I feel like there’s a leopard in my house, locked in a room. I’ve contacted the leopard authorities and they assure me they are used to dealing with leopards like this, and they have a plan for removing the leopard. It will take a while, though, and once in a while I can hear it growl.

And that’s all very reassuring. Even so, several times a day I think to myself: “Hang on, there’s a leopard in my house.”'

One morning, while shaving, the comedian Mark Steel noticed that one side of his neck seemed larger than the other. After a whistlestop tour of assorted medical professionals, a consultant delivered the ominous words that would define the next months of his life: ‘I’m afraid it’s not good news, Mr Steel’.
And so began a journey into the heart of the NHS, as he embarked on the long and uncertain road to cancer recovery via a range of mildly torturous and entirely miraculous treatments. What, if anything, might he learn about himself – and our capacity for coping with life when times get tough – as he becomes part of a club that one in two British people will ultimately join?
A frank and funny diary of one man’s rather trying year, this is an unforgettable and uplifting story of getting ill, getting on with it, and getting better.

©2025 Mark Steel (P)2025 Penguin Audio
Cancer Medical Physical Illness & Disease Professionals & Academics Funny Inspiring Witty Heartfelt Thought-Provoking Feel-Good

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Critic reviews

Just like you might bet he would, Mark Steel has given us a deep, personal, clever, witty, painful and hilarious book. His eye lingers on details of the past, present and a possible future, taking us all the way to an answer for 'what's the bloody point anyway?' He shows (not tells) that the answer might be to live and feel life the way he does. Thanks Mark Steel. (Michael Rosen, author of 'Getting Better')
Funny, moving, wise and then very funny again. It’s also a very spiritual and philosophical book for a foul-mouthed atheist from Swanley. Final score; Cancer: 1, Mark Steel: 5. (John O'Farrell, author of 'Family Politics')
All stars
Most relevant
A moving autobiographical account of Mark Steel’s experience of cancer.
I already admired this man for his wit and his take on politics and the absurdities of life, and this book served to emphasise all his best qualities.
Well written and, if you go for the audible version as I did, very well read by the author himself.
I am so glad he is doing well - and I am so pleased that he and Ms Khorsandi found each other.

Moving, honest and endearingly funny

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Frank and open, funny and poignant. Championing the NHS and even encompassing the virtuous circle of intelligent kindness. Out of adversity can come hope.

Very real account of the author's cancer diagnosis and treatment, narrated with humour and humanity.

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You’ll never hear better writing than this. He’s a master. Just up to you if you’re interested in the topic. I think you should be, it’s going to happen to most of us.

It’s better than brilliant

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I have been diagnosed with almost the same cancer as Mark, and I am shortly to begin my chemotherapy and radiotherapy courses. To know what is ahead and to have some tools that could help me get through it was valuable. The writing is crisp, honest and humorous. He is open and vulnerable. I wish Mark all the best. May the Leopard never return.

Valuable Insight - Told Well

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I’m not great at articulately my reasons for loving something but I can’t just say nothing. Bonus to hear Mark reading when he may not have been able to, had his voice gone. If you love Mark’s work and podcast (and his and Shappi’s romance) and followed his cancer updates, the book will not disappoint. I had a cry and laughed out loud in places and overall love this man even more. Thank you Mark!

Mark’s humour

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