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Summary

The Dance of Intimacy takes a careful look at relationships where intimacy is most challenged by too much emotional distance, too much intensity, or simply too much pain. In clear, direct, and dramatic terms, Dr. Lerner illustrates how we can move differently in these relationships, be they with a distant or unfaithful spouse, a depressed sister, a difficult mother, an alcoholic father, an uncommitted lover, a dying parent, or an estranged family member. And she teaches us about "the differences that make a difference": the changes we can make in one or two significant relationships that will affect our capacity for intimacy and selfhood for a lifetime.

The Dance of Intimacy offers no "quick fix" for the human dilemma that we all confront. Instead, Dr. Lerner offers us the most solid, respectful, and helpful insights on intimate relationships that both men and women may ever encounter. Picking up where the best-selling The Dance of Anger left off, Dr. Lerner redefines the meaning of intimacy for today, and shows how good relationships can be strengthened and difficult ones healed.

©1989 Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. (P)1997, 2004 HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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  • Ingrid
  • 26-05-12

Dissapointing

What did you like best about The Dance of Intimacy? What did you like least?

This is a condensed version of the book. There were only three chapters. The book has 13 chapters. The chapters missing are important to understanding the nuances of "courageous acts of change" and I am really dissapointed. I am reading this book on recommendation from my thearapist and was excited to have it in audio format, what a shame. I will call the company and see if there was a problem downloading or something but I'm pretty sure it wasn't a tech issue since there was an epilogue.

On the up side, what I was able to listen to was good information. Helpful for women with boundary and distance issues in intimate/family relationships. The book is pre-co-dependent era and I appreciated not hearing that phrase and simply learning some simple changes to improve communication.

Would you be willing to try another book from Harriet Lerner? Why or why not?

If it was the whole book.

8 of 8 people found this review helpful

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    2 out of 5 stars
  • Craig
  • 18-03-07

The Dance of Disfunctional Families

A more appropriate title for this book! If you're looking to create more intimacy in your relationship with a significant other, you best look elsewhere. The emphasis here is far greater on coping with family problems than with creating intimacy. Alcoholic relatives, gay "outings", family illnesses, and suicidal relatives are the emphasis here, not intimacy. To be fair, there is a lot of good infomation in this book. It's just not about what you might be looking for if you accept it at the title's face value. Also the narration is uninteresting at best and boring at worst. There are a few choice morsels here if you are willing to pick amongst the sad family stories, the incessent "polically correct" language and the abundent use of "psycology speak" terminology.

13 of 14 people found this review helpful

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  • Prairiesun
  • 04-01-15

Good dose of sanity

I really appreciated the views presented in this book. I'm positive that it will help me be less reactive in key relationships, define my true self and start thinking about creating my own individual life plan.

I, surprisingly, found myself intrigued by the line: "what talents or life skills do you want to develop over the next two to twenty years". ...

The concept that living more closely to my own values, beliefs and principals can help me create more intimate relationships with others makes a lot of sense and gave me a fresh new goal that incorporates so many desires all in one: self development and more intimacy. I didn't realize how connected they were.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Bruce Leighton
  • 19-07-18

Great read

if you, as a male, can get past the title and the woman focused language, this book gives great insights into intimate relationships regardless of gender. wonderful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 18-09-17

Recommend book, but this narration painful.

This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

Read the book. Even though this is an abridged version, I couldn't handle the narration.

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  • Amy Whitaker
  • 07-03-17

Medicine for All Our Relationships

Helped me to recognize destructive patterns that existed within my closest relationships from my Mom, sibling, and spouse to my 3 children. Learn the importance of Self Focus while building your relationships. Who knew that in order to create a stronger more intimate Us I first had to work to create a stronger more fulfilled self!

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  • Stephanie Sellek
  • 22-09-16

There are better books

Other books on similar topics are more actionable. Listening to Harriet's narration was painful.

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  • Perth Phil
  • 23-07-16

maybe the worst narration fro audible I have heard

this is a terrible audiobook. Messages are shallow, unhelpful and delivered in the most nasal whiny voice. if you must read it, then avoid the audiobook.

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  • Tara
  • 07-06-15

excellent

truly a book to own, read re-read and practice. so intriguing. one or two sitting read.

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  • oscar
  • 08-05-15

Fantastically helpful

Clear, focused, relevant, helpful, and able to provide practical next steps for the self in your most important relationships. Word