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The Amateurs

Narrated by: Angus King
Length: 10 hrs and 29 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (207 ratings)

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Summary

Gary is a sweet and decent man. Only two things would improve his life - having children with his gorgeous wife, Pauline, and a lower golf handicap. Both are unlikely.

Pauline is wondering how she ended up living in an ugly little house, driving a second-hand car and making a living dressing up as Tinker Bell. She's planning to leave Gary for a self-made carpet millionaire.

Findlay, the Carpet King of Scotland, wants to trade in his obese wife for a younger model. But if he goes for a divorce, she'll take him to the cleaners. If only there was some way she could be made to disappear....

Lee, Gary's luckless brother, has botched one too many drug deals. Local crime overlord Ranta Campbell gives him one more job - one last chance to get it right. Lee's done some bad things - but murder?

When Gary gets smashed on the head by a golf ball and miraculously develops an absolutely perfect swing, everyone finds their fates rest on the final day of the Open Championship....

©2015 John Niven (P)2015 Random House AudioBooks

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Funniest book I've ever heard/read

Never has a book made me laugh out loud as much as this one did. John Nivens best book in my opinion, however they are all great.

2 people found this helpful

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Laughing all the way

Another great read from John Niven , great story and again had me laughing out loud ! Also great performance, only issue wasn’t long enough.

1 person found this helpful

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Excellent book well worth a listen

every golfers wet dream, laughed out loud. just do yourself a favour and have a read of it.

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Every Amateur Golfer's Dream

So you're an amateur golfer who can't get below 18 until a freak accident gets you to scratch and The Open with only a few minor and hilarious side effects ie Tourette's Syndrome and a permanent boner! Cue significant absurdity and hilarity in typically outlandish Niven fashion. This is a very funny book and I recommend it.

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Most like Christopher Brookmyre but perhaps that’s the narrator...

A good read. Fun and pacy enough. But not so good as other JN stories. I can imagine Brookmyre coming up with the story line. The telling of the tale not so much.

PS I’m not a CB fan.

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Excellent !

I put off reading/listening to this book for a good while, as I've no interest in golf.. But having read several other John Niven books I eventually thought I'd give this one a go... So glad I did.. Excellent story, very funny and brilliantly narrated. Superb !!

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Birdie not an eagle

Overall I really enjoyed this book. Angus King’s narration is in the main every enjoyable. The author captures most of the travails of the amateur golfer, the highs the lows the self loathing and the joy when it goes right, far and sure. The story moves along at a good pace. The press conference and the registration for the Open were hilarious and cringeworthy, I was squirming for the lead character.

The negative for me was that towards the end, some of the story around the Tourette’s felt labour and unnecessarily lengthy in the obscenity. I never really understood why the syndrome was not disclosed before he has every episode!

Anyway, well worth a listen and I will be looking for other books by John Niven

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Loved it

Absolutely loved this, had me laughing my nuts off. Not being much of a golf fan, I wasn’t convinced I’d enjoy this, but this is one of the best audiobooks I’ve listened to in ages. Fantastically narrated by Angus King.

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Brilliant

F@&K, C£&T, Bas&£rd. John Niven is a genius. If you love golf you will love this. BTW. There may be a rude word or two!

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A must for struggling golfers.

Read and listened to this a few times now and I rarely go back to a book. The only book I have genuinely laughed out loud in a public place attracting lots of strange looks. The story is so absurd and hilarious and all us struggling golfers will relate to the protagonist's woes in the early part of the book. Golf and Gangsters, what is not to love!