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The All-or-Nothing Marriage

How the Best Marriages Work
Narrated by: Mark Deakins
Length: 8 hrs and 15 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (5 ratings)

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Summary

"After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now...." (Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success) 

Eli J. Finkel's insightful and ground-breaking investigation of marriage clearly shows that the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. Indeed, they are the best marriages the world has ever known. He presents his findings here for the first time in this lucid, inspiring guide to modern marital bliss. 

The All-or-Nothing Marriage reverse engineers fulfilling marriages - from the "traditional" to the utterly nontraditional - and shows how any marriage can be better. 

The primary functions of marriage from 1620 to 1850 were food, shelter, and protection from violence; from 1850 to 1965, the purpose revolved around love and companionship. But today, a new kind of marraige has emerged, one oriented toward self-discovery, self-esteem, and personal growth. Finkel combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice; he considers paths to better communication and responsiveness; he offers guidance on when to recalibrate our expectations; and he even introduces a set of must-try "lovehacks". 

This is a book for the newlywed to the empy nester, for those thinking about getting married or remarried, and for anyone looking for illuminating advice that will make a real difference to getting the most out of marriage today. 

Includes a PDF of Supplemental Images and Graphics 

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2017 Eli J. Finkel (P)2017 Penguin Audio

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Profile Image for James Caviness
  • James Caviness
  • 04-01-18

just read the fourth section

to get the most out of this book, just listen to the fourth section. I think that section is solid, the build up in the history and transformation of marriage in the us over time is not worth the time.

8 of 8 people found this review helpful

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  • Bob Koncerak
  • 26-02-18

Informative, thoughtful and with a bit of humor

It was surprisingly helpful for me to have context around the history and expectations of the marriage relationship. Having only experienced the perception of marriage by way of my own upbringing, I found the author's approach enlightening, thoughtful, and genuinely helpful. I benefitted from a series of 'epiphanies' in listening to the findings of fundamental research regarding common social challenges to lifelong marriage. Of biggest help to me was the realization of how much contemporary couples can place on our spouse for personal fulfillment. Good stuff. I would never have READ this entire book, as the research recitation was sometimes tedious, but it was an easy and interesting listen.

7 of 7 people found this review helpful

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  • ES
  • 04-12-19

Too theoretical, too academic

This book is way too theoretical, way too academic, to server the purpose I bought it for.
Sure, it names a few tips and reviews all kinds of relationship improvement techniques. But it's more like a "guide to all the methods people use in 21st century marriages", with much more discussion on history and research results than actual practices and ideas that may help readers.
For those skeptics who wouldn't dare go all-in on their marriage without 5 scientific papers proving it's good for your health, this book may be beneficial, because it handles skepticism very methodically. But for the rest of us, who just want some creative and interesting ideas on how to improve their relationship, the more useful voice would be of a therapist or a consultant rather than a theoretical researcher.

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  • CodeMonkey
  • 16-10-19

Exactly the Cerebral Investigation I Wanted

I highly recommend "The All or Nothing Marriage" for those who are either intellectually curious about the norms of marriage, the validities of such norms, the direction marriage is taking in our culture, where it's come from in the past, why things are so hard, or are otherwise questioning the fulfillment of their marriage. Very interesting book with lots to think about and practical advice of sorts.

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  • Emily
  • 19-07-19

skip to chapter 9

first 8 chapters of this book are repetitive and boring. If you're looking to improve your relationship with your spouse, partner, and or self as an independent person, just skip to chapter 9 and listen to the end

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  • Anonymous User
  • 29-08-18

Realistically improve in your marriage

The love hacks were realistic and simple. The history of marriage and the expectations we have of a marriage was so interesting. I definitely plan to implement some of the ideas from this book into my own marriage

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  • Thomas J Nebesar
  • 20-06-18

well executed and thorough.

great conceptual models, historical reference, and narrative journey. Approaches examining a marriage from thought before emotion.

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  • FierceT
  • 23-02-18

The only part I found useful were the very lat chapters

The narrator was ok, but I did not like the fact that more than half of the book is spent on the history of marriage. I understand wanting to provide the readers with context, but most people that buy these books are looking for practical advice.

1 of 2 people found this review helpful