Listen free for 30 days

Listen with a free trial

One credit a month, good for any title to download and keep.
Unlimited listening to the Plus Catalogue - thousands of select Audible Originals, podcasts and audiobooks.
Exclusive member-only deals.
No commitment - cancel anytime.
Buy Now for £22.49

Buy Now for £22.49

Pay using card ending in
By completing your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and authorise Audible to charge your designated card or any other card on file. Please see our Privacy Notice, Cookies Notice and Interest-based Ads Notice.

Summary

"After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now...." (Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success) 

Eli J. Finkel's insightful and ground-breaking investigation of marriage clearly shows that the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. Indeed, they are the best marriages the world has ever known. He presents his findings here for the first time in this lucid, inspiring guide to modern marital bliss. 

The All-or-Nothing Marriage reverse engineers fulfilling marriages - from the "traditional" to the utterly nontraditional - and shows how any marriage can be better. 

The primary functions of marriage from 1620 to 1850 were food, shelter, and protection from violence; from 1850 to 1965, the purpose revolved around love and companionship. But today, a new kind of marraige has emerged, one oriented toward self-discovery, self-esteem, and personal growth. Finkel combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice; he considers paths to better communication and responsiveness; he offers guidance on when to recalibrate our expectations; and he even introduces a set of must-try "lovehacks". 

This is a book for the newlywed to the empy nester, for those thinking about getting married or remarried, and for anyone looking for illuminating advice that will make a real difference to getting the most out of marriage today. 

Includes a PDF of Supplemental Images and Graphics 

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2017 Eli J. Finkel (P)2017 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

“After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now. In his All-or-Nothing Marriage, Eli Finkel reveals the fascinating ways in which marriage has evolved and the things we can all do to help this all-important relationship flourish. You will definitely want to read this book.” (Carol Dweck, Stanford professor and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success)

“If you’ve ever wondered what science has to say about how marriage has changed over time and what makes for a great one, this is the book to read. Eli Finkel is one of the world’s leading experts on relationships, and his insights are both comprehensive and revealing.” (Adam Grant, author of Give and Take, Originals, and Option B, coauthored with Sheryl Sandberg)  

“Eli Finkel has written an incredible analysis of the state of marriage and a useful guide for everyone trying to make their relationship work better. He also promised us cheeseburgers if we wrote this blurb. Please get those to us ASAP, Eli.” (Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg, coauthors of Modern Romance)

More from the same

What listeners say about The All-or-Nothing Marriage

Average customer ratings
Overall
  • 4 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    3
  • 4 Stars
    2
  • 3 Stars
    2
  • 2 Stars
    1
  • 1 Stars
    0
Performance
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    4
  • 4 Stars
    2
  • 3 Stars
    1
  • 2 Stars
    0
  • 1 Stars
    0
Story
  • 3.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    2
  • 4 Stars
    1
  • 3 Stars
    3
  • 2 Stars
    1
  • 1 Stars
    0

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

No Reviews are Available
Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Bob Koncerak
  • Bob Koncerak
  • 26-02-18

Informative, thoughtful and with a bit of humor

It was surprisingly helpful for me to have context around the history and expectations of the marriage relationship. Having only experienced the perception of marriage by way of my own upbringing, I found the author's approach enlightening, thoughtful, and genuinely helpful. I benefitted from a series of 'epiphanies' in listening to the findings of fundamental research regarding common social challenges to lifelong marriage. Of biggest help to me was the realization of how much contemporary couples can place on our spouse for personal fulfillment. Good stuff. I would never have READ this entire book, as the research recitation was sometimes tedious, but it was an easy and interesting listen.

9 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for James Caviness
  • James Caviness
  • 04-01-18

just read the fourth section

to get the most out of this book, just listen to the fourth section. I think that section is solid, the build up in the history and transformation of marriage in the us over time is not worth the time.

11 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for CodeMonkey
  • CodeMonkey
  • 16-10-19

Exactly the Cerebral Investigation I Wanted

I highly recommend "The All or Nothing Marriage" for those who are either intellectually curious about the norms of marriage, the validities of such norms, the direction marriage is taking in our culture, where it's come from in the past, why things are so hard, or are otherwise questioning the fulfillment of their marriage. Very interesting book with lots to think about and practical advice of sorts.

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for FierceT
  • FierceT
  • 23-02-18

The only part I found useful were the very lat chapters

The narrator was ok, but I did not like the fact that more than half of the book is spent on the history of marriage. I understand wanting to provide the readers with context, but most people that buy these books are looking for practical advice.

3 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for ES
  • ES
  • 04-12-19

Too theoretical, too academic

This book is way too theoretical, way too academic, to server the purpose I bought it for.
Sure, it names a few tips and reviews all kinds of relationship improvement techniques. But it's more like a "guide to all the methods people use in 21st century marriages", with much more discussion on history and research results than actual practices and ideas that may help readers.
For those skeptics who wouldn't dare go all-in on their marriage without 5 scientific papers proving it's good for your health, this book may be beneficial, because it handles skepticism very methodically. But for the rest of us, who just want some creative and interesting ideas on how to improve their relationship, the more useful voice would be of a therapist or a consultant rather than a theoretical researcher.

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Alejandra Garza
  • Alejandra Garza
  • 02-06-21

Good book to acquire perspective

Very informative, loved that it is practical and gives examples about situations so that you can not only understand the concept, but learn how to recognize it!.

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Alicia H
  • Alicia H
  • 28-02-21

no new insights

The book solidified a lot of what i already knew, it was a good refresher

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Emily
  • Emily
  • 19-07-19

skip to chapter 9

first 8 chapters of this book are repetitive and boring. If you're looking to improve your relationship with your spouse, partner, and or self as an independent person, just skip to chapter 9 and listen to the end

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Anonymous User
  • Anonymous User
  • 29-08-18

Realistically improve in your marriage

The love hacks were realistic and simple. The history of marriage and the expectations we have of a marriage was so interesting. I definitely plan to implement some of the ideas from this book into my own marriage

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Thomas J Nebesar
  • Thomas J Nebesar
  • 20-06-18

well executed and thorough.

great conceptual models, historical reference, and narrative journey. Approaches examining a marriage from thought before emotion.