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Summary

Tineka Smith always knew that growing up Black in America meant certain restrictions. Don’t talk back to white people, expect to be stopped by the police, always be on your guard. So, when she moved to the UK - and fell in love with Alex Court, a white man - she wondered if things might be different. 

When Alex proposed to Tineka, it was the easiest decision in the world. What he didn’t anticipate was the reaction - sometimes subtle, sometimes overt - from friends and strangers alike. Nor did he expect to have to think about Tineka’s race, and his own white privilege, every single day.

Tineka has always felt the burden of calling out and educating people, only now she has to teach her new husband at the same time - asking him to see, hear and think with a new perspective about the things he had never noticed before.

But what does this mean for Tineka and Alex’s relationship? With anecdotes, analysis and honest conversations, Mixed Up has the pair attempting to navigate their new and challenging world, confronting race and relationships in the 21st century head on.

©2020 Tineka Smith, Alex Court (P)2020 Audible, Ltd

Critic reviews

"A must read book that will change the way we see mixed race couples and make us question our own entrenched beliefs." (Melissa Fleming, award-winning author of A Hope More Powerful than the Sea)

What listeners say about Mixed Up

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Biracial Excellence - thank you

Thank you Tineka and Alex. As a black woman in a biracial relationship of 11 years, with two beautiful biracial children, your words were like a weight lifted off my back and replacing them with wings.
I wish I had your book/ audible to share with my partner years ago, actually even just a year ago. We might not be separating now.
Tineka, the issues you raise in conversation with Alex are mirror like to mine with my partner. Except, where your husband Alex stayed in the room to listen, process and learn from your experiences and reactions, my partner left the room - sometimes literally. To hear you both talk so openly and stay present for and with each other was inspiring. The frustrations and resentments that can fester when the reality (and struggles) of how two different lived experiences do coexist and do impact a biracial couple and their family's lives is a real danger if left unchecked or dismissed. Alex, you are an example of what can happen when a white person/ ally/ partner/ loved one walks through the door of defensiveness to truly listen, empathise, and talk about the experiences their black loved ones (person/ ally/ partner) go through daily. Tineka, your patience, trust and willingness to share the insidious hurts and deepest cuts we experience from society is transcendent. I cried for the pain I know you've experienced and with joy because finally, someone else has eloquently described the emotions and feelings that I have felt alone in expressing to my partner.
It does take patience and love of the highest form to share these embedded vulnerabilities with your loved ones, let alone the world. And it takes patience, love and humbleness to listen and accept what you do not see, understand or experience to be a Truth. Positive vibes and bravo to you both.

24 people found this helpful

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Molly...you in danger girl😔

A sad but honest exploration into white privilege.
The title does not represent what the book is really about; sadly white privilege isn’t examined in a way that can arm mixed couples in their ongoing wars within their worlds. While the honesty is appreciated, what is born out over the course of the book is that Tamika is in real danger from having a dominant partner who- even after copious attempts to educate him on the structure of racism, privilege and cultural sensitivities doesn’t appreciate how equality is more than abstract, more than theoretical!
We learn his time after time Tineka has been left unsafe and sadly the listener has no assurances that she will not be left unsafe again!
Tineka is an inspiration and this work must have been cathartic release from some of the many battles she has won; unfortunately(and I maybe wrong) some of the toughest battles for this couple are yet to come...privilege is never something anybody will fully gives away...it’s always taken, there’s always struggle and there is always resistance...

5 people found this helpful

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  • 18-10-20

Highly recommended

A must-read for everyone, everywhere, by no means only for those in interracial relationships.

Excellently narrated by both authors, a personal narrative which allows listeners to understand the broader issues and how to make positive changes.

5 people found this helpful

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Very frustrating

Probably one of the most frustrating audios i have ever listened to. The narrative of Alex court and his complete and utter lack of awareness for such a sensitive topic is astonishing.

4 people found this helpful

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Small actions big implications

The format of a dialogue between husband and wife means that the listener is always hearing two sides of each experience. Thus, both sides have to examine situations from each other’s perspectives and work together to understand the world in a way that makes sense to them as a couple . This is difficult enough for couples who have similar backgrounds and are of the same race. Congratulations to Alex and Tineka for having the courage to be honest and frank about how that has has played out in their own marriage.

4 people found this helpful

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Well worth considering

Very interesting book and a smashing performance by Alex and Tineka. Would highly recommend to anyone.

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Would absolutely recommend!

Great audiobook, made me think about the topic for many weeks and months after I listened to it. Would 100% recommend.

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Thought provoking

As a white (privileged) male in an interracial (Asian female) relationship I identified with the book, some of the topics discussed and ultimately the need to do better. Some powerful topics and ones that I might not necessarily have been previously aware of. A great listen which was read in an authentic way, thank you.

3 people found this helpful

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Uncomfortable and enlightening

I am white and grew up in a small German village. Books like this give me a bit of hope that I can understand myself and my and society's racism better, and that I may be able to speak up more. But it has been uncomfortable and challenging to listen to this, in a good way. I loved the vulnerable conversations within their relationship. Brilliant. Thank you. I am so sorry for everything that has happened to Tineka. I hope the best for you!!

2 people found this helpful

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Very real and honest

As a white male in an interracial relationship, these confessions really hit home with experiences both my Fiancé and I can relate to. We need to stop ignoring the subject, talk about racism and inequality openly and honestly to fully understand how damaging it really is. One love!

2 people found this helpful

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  • Oaive17
  • 31-10-20

Honest and much needed

A very honest account of private and yet so public situations that forces all of us to try facing our own relation and take on race, prejudice and privilege.
Authors’ decision to share their own experience, as individuals and as couple, is brave and forthcoming.
Highly recommend to whomever would like to be a better global citizen, promoting understanding and respect for our wonderfully diverse world and the complexity within it.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Thomas Family
  • 27-10-20

Fantastic!

Loved this moving and compelling confessions of this young couple. Very moving and thought provoking.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Jeanette H.
  • 16-05-21

Good Listen

Interesting story, most of the information wasn't new to me, but the presentation/performance brought out lots of food for thought. Worth listening to, especially if you are in an interracial relationship.

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  • J. White
  • 15-01-21

Timely and helpful

For anyone who has a deep friendship or romantic relationship with a racial component, this is such a good listen. Grateful this couple shared their ups and downs, and words of advice.

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  • Patrick
  • 10-01-21

Fantastic! A very captivating story !

The “confessions” format used by Smith & Court is smart, engaging and original.
It provides a perfect platform to present and dissect many important and undiscussed topics.
The best thing about this coulpe’s courageous story is the way they frame and present the notion of perspective.
Nobody can walk away from this audio book feeling indifferent.
Everyone can gain something from what this couple has to share!

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  • Stephanie W
  • 11-11-20

Honest and open. Great points and anecdotes

The authors do a wonderful job pulling back the curtain and showing you what real interracial couples talk about. The honesty, love and vulnerabilities that both authors show will make you feel as if you've been having a deep conversation with a good friend.

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  • Regina W
  • 05-11-20

Truth is spoken from different perspectives

I think teachers should share Mixed Up in classrooms and assign students to dialogue open and honestly.

I have experienced much of what Taneka shared. Didn’t realize there were others. It even made me think about my privileges as a lighter skinned black woman. I could go on and on.

Bravo to Taneka and Alex. Very well put together!