This is my no-holds-barred story, the truth in all its gory details. It’s certainly not a romance, although it had its moments.

My life didn’t turn out how I envisioned it, but looking back, I can’t say I regret it either, and I’ll explain the reason, or reasons, for that in my story.

It all went wrong when I was 17 years old. However, it wasn’t all a picnic up to that point, either. Well, nearly 19 years later, and I can tell you it’s true what they say: You learn by your mistakes, and boy, I made a lot of them.

I was pulled through the ringer and left feeling lost, alone, and confused. So much so that I’m sucked deep into my own mind. Lost inside my own mind, I became comfortable; it was a place I could hide. The darkness inside my own mind became my respite, my shelter, and a buffer from the devastation of my own broken dreams. I became trapped there as I searched in circles for answers, surviving but not living. I was torn up by guilt and felt as though I was being punished for perceived faults. Confusion and turmoil became my only companions.

I needed to escape, to start living again, but did I have the strength to crawl out and escape the void? Better yet, did I want to, because if I did, would I still recognize myself?

Travel with me through my earlier life. It may make you uncomfortable as I bluntly describe that time for you, but it’s a form of therapy for me. Whenever memories of my past become too much for me, I now have something to hold onto: my four children.

When the darkness becomes too much, thoughts of them pull me into the light. They were, and still are, my saving grace, my redemption of sorts.

Be warned: Some descriptions are vivid and can be a trigger for sensitive listeners.

Graphic sexual content and language. Suitable for ages 18 and over.