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Summary

A revised and updated edition of Emily Nagoski’s game-changing New York Times best seller Come As You Are, featuring new information and research on mindfulness, desire, and pleasure that will radically transform your sex life.

For much of the 20th and 21st centuries, women’s sexuality was an uncharted territory in science, studied far less frequently - and far less seriously - than its male counterpart. 

That is, until Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which used groundbreaking science and research to prove that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized but how you feel about them. In the years since the book’s initial publication, countless women have learned through Nagoski’s accessible and informative guide that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual well-being; they are central to it - and that even if you don’t always feel like it, you are already sexually whole by just being yourself. This revised and updated edition continues that mission with new information and advanced research, demystifying and decoding the science of sex so that everyone can create a better sex life and discover more pleasure than you ever thought possible. 

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2015, 2021 Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. All rights reserved. (P)2021 Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.

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What listeners say about Come As You Are: Revised and Updated

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Exclusive language! Supports gender binary

Considering this book is revised and updated as of March 2021, I'm really disappointed the author hasn't changed the binary language used. It would be so easy to include non binary and trans people by simply using non exclusive language and I'm perplexed as to why this wouldn't have been done in a revision. I believe the content of the book is fantastic. But as a society we really need to do better, so I'm giving a lower rating in hope it will be made note of and this book will be revised again to use language inclusive of non binary and trans people.

15 people found this helpful

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Transformative and educational

This makes some aspects of sex research seem so obvious. The best of them do. I listened along, thinking: "oh yeah!" and "why didn't I see it that way before?"

I've already recommended this to a couple of friends (one single, one in a loving relationship), both of whom I think will find it interesting as men to consider from a new perspective.

This is an updated version of a previously released book about desire, normality in sex and in how the brain and sex organs interact in our experiences of pleasure. Having only listened to the updated version, I cannot comment on the updates, but did find it inclusive of those outside of binary categories of gender, and also aware of its shortcomings in terms of research.

It's absolutely fascinating. And certainly made me ponder my own history, current position, future wants and attitudes. There are a lot of simple quotable lines that Nagoski refers to regularly, she reassures and explains the range of normality we all encompass. She manages to explain how a lot of problems many readers experience have arisen. And uses examples of 'women' in relationships (composites of a number she has worked with) to exemplify a few key 'types' that demonstrate various points she makes.

While I've never felt other than existing somewhere along the range of 'normal', this did tick a few boxes and hit a nerve several times when I recognised behaviours, situations and experiences that fit me. Listening to explanations did clear a few things up and make me look at myself and my own body and desires with clearer vision and certainly a lot more kindness, not to mention confidence to express myself.

One for women to read to get to know themselves. One for men to read to get to know the women around them and how they can both differ and communicate those differences, then work to find common ground.

This does not become overly scientific or technical, but does use terminology. Loved the Too Long: Didn't Read (TL: DR) at the end of each chapter, great summaries that did remind me of key points.

The book translates perfectly to audiobook format, and with the addition of the attached pdf (accessible through the Audible menu on the app), gives plenty of material for mulling over, for testing yourself and to return to for future consideration. The author makes an expressive and empathic narrator, and covers her material passionately. It was easy to keep up with her, and she communicates with verve.

This has already inspired me a little, in seeing myself, my mind and body in a slightly different way. And appreciating how it all got where it is.

With thanks to Nudge Books for providing a sample Audible copy.

5 people found this helpful

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All she talks about is context

Unless you have a vagina that you're insecure about, skip. 11 and a half hours of her saying sexual context is the solution for women's sexual issues, weird and sometimes false analogies and obvious statements like "not all women are the same". Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel is a much better and more educational book for both genders that doesn't blame everything on patriarchy

4 people found this helpful

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Life changing

Every single person should read this book.
This book should be taught and discussed in schools!

2 people found this helpful

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Changed my relationship to sex

This audiobook made me embrace my body and sexuality in such a positive way.
I am very thankful to Emily Nagoski.

1 person found this helpful

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Changed my mindset completely

EVERY woman should read this. Even if you don't have any issues when it comes to sex or oragsam it is so educational. It has completely changed how I perceive everything to do with sex and being a woman! Seriously listen to it NOW!!!

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A must read for all women . . . & men for that!

Honest, evidenced based and real.
I will be gifting this to all the women in my life!

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What I wish I had known when I was younger

If only this book had been available when I was younger perhaps I wouldn't have struggled so much in relationships. But now I have read it I am so empowered and my love life is the best it has ever been. This book opened my mind and made me re-think so much of my past and how things had been and now I am using what I have learned to make things so much better. Thank you Emily

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One of the most liberating books I have ever read

Helped me so much. This should be taught EVERYWHERE!!! Such an amazing read. A must read. So much freedom and truth in every word

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OMG

brilliantly read. amazingly insightful, helpful to know it isn't me. thank you for putting me straight on so much.

1 person found this helpful

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  • tammy
  • 04-03-21

Usless!!!

This book is the equivalent of "Full story at 6:00" She is always telling you what she intends to tell you in chapter 5 or 6 etc. It is so repetitive, I thought something was wrong with my playback.

The new science as the title suggests just never really got there for me.

17 people found this helpful

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  • ProfessorGuy
  • 06-03-21

Excellent revisions

Dr. Nagoski's revisions were necessary, due to some partners' incomprehension of the difference between desire and pleasure. Thanks to Dr. Nagoski for recognizing this issue publicly and addressing it with this new edition. I am in academia myself and am aware of the fragility of some egos in this domain. Dr. Nabisco handled the communicative shortcomings in the previous book with utter professionalism and with an eye to collaborative and affirming communication, most especially toward men in heterosexual partnerships. Good communication is important in partnerships between people of any gender identity and sexual orientation!

15 people found this helpful

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  • Bambi
  • 13-07-21

Good content, rough execution

Enjoyed the substance of the book but not the style or the writing or the delivery, so much so that had to listen to it much faster. She does a lot of “we will talk more about this in chapter whatever,” to the point that it is distracting and quite annoying. Worth the read but I probably won’t pick up more of her stuff.

10 people found this helpful

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  • ZH
  • 22-09-21

This changes everything!

This book changed my entire view of sexuality (both male and female) over a weekend! Couldn’t put it down.

6 people found this helpful

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  • Jennifer
  • 05-06-21

Nothing revolutionary. I returned it.

Listened to most of it hoping there would be something "transformational" as they say in the subtitle, but nope. Certainly nothing scientifically ground breaking in my opinion.

6 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 31-07-21

condescending scientifically inaccurate propaganda

"there is no evolutionary pressure for a hymen to form." followed by "in some cultures girls are killed for not having a hymen."

getting killed before you can reproduce is the very definition of evolutionary pressure.

The reason to celebrate diversity because the beauty is found in our differences. This book falsely claims differences don't exist.

5 people found this helpful

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  • salma
  • 09-04-21

Love it and a must read for all women (& men)

My doctor recommend this book. But I ended up reading “vagina” by Naomi wolf before then this. The two books changed my life. The science in this book is amazing. It’s very validating and educational. It is extremely empowering to anyone to experience this much information and learn about her body and her needs/ likes/ wants and not feel bad or shame or guilt about them. It is healing in many ways and truly allowed me to un-judge myself especially as I go through my healing and inner self work.

5 people found this helpful

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  • Anja
  • 08-03-21

An absolute gem, thank you!!

I wish someone gave me this book 15 years ago!! With all the crazy out there, this book is really fantastic, a must read/listen for all women and men. First two chapters were quite "mmm" but then it gets better and better.

5 people found this helpful

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  • KCW
  • 19-05-21

Todo mundo debería leer este libro

Ojalá hubiera podido leer este libro hace veinte años. Me habría ahorrado mucho sufrimiento y confusión. Es informativo, integral, entretenido, complejo, claro e inspirador. Muy recomendable.

4 people found this helpful

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  • CJ Harris
  • 22-09-21

YES

Yes.
that is all
alas it wont let me just say yes
so yes
yes

3 people found this helpful