Were we ever actually taught how to date, or just how to avoid getting “messed up”? In this layered conversation, Shan and CoCo unpack how black family, culture, generational trauma, and “crisis prevention” shaped what many of us learned about love. Joined by licensed clinical social worker Miesha Rice and Atlanta dating host Vanessa, the group explores why courtship can feel foreign, how dating apps changed accountability, and what it takes to build healthier connections when nobody handed you the blueprint.

• Why so many of us were taught what not to do (don’t get pregnant, don’t ruin your future) instead of how to build a healthy relationship

• How family history, long-term stress, and generational patterns can show up in adult dating choices

• The “connection vs protection” gap: what was missing from the conversations we needed

• A real talk breakdown of ghosting, fading out, and the lack of accountability in modern dating

• The “date them all” debate: keeping options open, communicating expectations, and avoiding rose-colored glasses

• Why singles mixers and in-person events are trending again (and what they offer that apps can’t)

• A powerful case for therapy early, including the idea of moderated conversations at the start of dating

Shan brings in a viral-style perspective on how Black communities are socialized differently around dating, courtship, and “pair bonding,” than their White counterparts sparked by a video that a friend shared with her from @bunmisupreme on Instagram. The conversation expands the idea by adding emotional availability, family modeling (even in two-parent homes), and the long shadow of cultural and historical trauma.

• If your only relationship education was avoidance, it makes sense that adult dating can feel confusing, anxious, or high-stakes.

• “Serious” isn’t assumed anymore. Clarity comes from direct conversations about what dating means to each person.

• Apps can encourage low-effort behavior. In-person spaces often create more accountability and real chemistry checks.

• Emotional intelligence matters early. Look for it before you’re already invested.

• Healing isn’t just personal, it’s cultural. Therapy and guided conversations can help you build a new script.

Vanessa (Dating Host)

• Company: Jigsaw Dating (app)

• Instagram: @popupwithvaness

• Promo code: VanessaHost10 (10% off first ticket)

Miesha Rice, MSW, LCSW-C, LCSW

• CEO/Founder: Whole Family Healing Group

• Therapy for individuals and families (ages 6+)

• Website: www.wholefamilyhealinggroup.com

Clip Credit: @bunmisupreme on Instagram

What did you learn about dating growing up: connection, protection, or nothing at all? And how is that showing up in your relationships right now?

If this episode made you think, send it to a friend who’s “tired of the apps” and trying to date with intention.

And connect with us: @RideOrLiePodcast on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok