Why “Just Pray More” Is Terrible Advice: Spiritual Bypassing, Presence, and Real EncouragementChaz Becker and Jesse Ojeda discuss why telling someone to “just pray more” or “have more faith” can be harmful, even when well-intended, because it often functions as spiritual bypassing—using spiritual platitudes to sidestep the emotional reality of someone’s pain. They describe how this response can feel like a brush-off, increase shame, and create distance instead of relational closeness. They contrast bypassing with examples like the Good Samaritan and Job, emphasizing that truth must be offered with proximity, listening, validation, and community. Chaz breaks down encouragement as helping someone enter a state of courage, which requires knowing their situation closely rather than offering quick fixes. They also explore discomfort, fear, and countertransference as reasons people avoid sitting with others’ suffering. Chaz shares a personal story of being laid off the day before closing on a home while his wife was six months pregnant, and how members of his church supported him by praying with him, sitting with him, and creating space rather than offering platitudes. The episode closes with a call to slow down, self-reflect, and rely on the Spirit to be present and loving when others share vulnerability.00:00 Welcome + Today’s Big Question: Why “Just Pray More” Can Hurt01:04 Jesse’s Church Experience: Platitudes in Youth Group & Small Groups03:15 Chaz’s Take: Feeling Brushed Off, Unloved, and “Less Than”05:43 Defining Spiritual Bypassing (and Why It Rarely Helps)08:09 Good Samaritan: The Emotional Sidestep vs. Entering the Mess10:58 When Truth Lands Wrong: Job, Proximity, and Praying *With* People12:13 Real Encouragement = Putting Someone Into Courage15:06 Why We Bypass: Discomfort, Fear, and the Need for Self-Reflection17:42 Countertransference: When Their Pain Triggers Yours (and What to Do)23:16 A Real-Life Example: Losing a Job Before Closing on a House28:36 Closing Challenge: Slow Down, Take Inventory, and Be a Vessel of Jesus

Welcome to The Storyed Podcast. A space where faith, theology, psychology, and spiritual practice meet real human experience.

Here, we talk about how stories form us. How our brains, our beliefs, and our relationships are constantly writing us and how God meets us right in the middle of it all.

We’ll explore the intersection of Christian spiritual formation and mental health. And teach you practices that help us live more abundant stories and transformed lives.