What if the real reason your marriage feels heavy is the scoreboard you never meant to build? We dive into the hidden “points system” that turns chores, tone, spending, and even small mistakes into a running tally of who’s up and who’s down—and why it’s quietly starving intimacy. Through a memorable 2–0 basketball story and our own Firebird fiasco, we show how performance thinking sneaks into everyday life, promising fairness and delivering distance.

Together we unpack the doghouse mentality—using guilt, cold silence, or withheld affection to force change—and contrast it with the way of Jesus. Drawing from John 1, John 15, and Matthew 11, we explore how the gospel frees us from living as judges in our own homes. Then we step into Matthew 20’s parable of the vineyard workers to reframe “fairness” through the lens of a generous Master. When we receive unearned grace, we can extend it, replacing punishment with partnership and debt language with family language.

A listener’s candid question on hiding from a judgmental spouse opens a practical path forward: authenticity before God first, then consistent honesty at home. We share concrete steps to tear down the scoreboard—naming where we’ve added burdens, asking forgiveness without excuses, and choosing service over surveillance. You’ll leave with tools to move beyond the brittle 50–50 contract into a 100% grace commitment, where the yoke is easy, the burden is light, and love stops feeling like a wage and starts feeling like a gift.

If this conversation helps, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs hope, and leave a review to help others find these Christ-centered marriage tools. Then tell us: what piece of your scoreboard are you ready to retire today?

Support the show

For episode transcripts, click HERE.

For more marriage encouragement, visit: www.VowsToKeep.com | V2K Blog | Marriage Counseling | Insta | FB

Apple Podcast listener? Would you consider leaving us a review, as this helps more couple's to find our resources?! Leave your review HERE.