Listen free for 30 days
-
Deadknobs and Doomsticks
- Narrated by: Joe Pasquale
- Length: 3 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged Audiobook
- Categories: Literature & Fiction, Anthologies & Short Stories
Add to basket failed.
Add to wishlist failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
Listen with a free trial
Buy Now for £13.79
No valid payment method on file.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
Listeners also enjoyed...
-
The Wacky Man
- By: Lyn G. Farrell
- Narrated by: Colleen Prendergast
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Amanda secludes herself in her bedroom, no longer willing to face the outside world. Gradually she pieces together the story of her life: her brothers have had to abandon her, her mother scarcely talks to her, and the Wacky Man could return any day to burn the house down. Just like he promised. As her family disintegrates, Amanda hopes for a better future, a way out of the violence and fear that have consumed her childhood. Winner of the 2015 Luke Bitmead Bursary .
-
-
Tough but brilliant
- By ms annabel abbs on 17-05-16
-
A Christmas Carol
- By: Charles Dickens
- Narrated by: Hugh Grant
- Length: 2 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
First published in 1843, it tells the story of Ebenezer Scrooge, a mean and unpleasant man who dislikes people generally and Christmas especially. One Christmas Eve he is visited by the ghost of his former business partner Jacob Marley and the spirits of Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come and given a glimpse of the many homes and lives which Scrooge has touched in his wretched life to date. After their visits, Scrooge is transformed into a kinder, gentler man.
-
-
Just delightful. Perfect.
- By Brocklette on 23-12-20
-
The Wind in the Willows
- By: Kenneth Grahame, Dina Gregory
- Narrated by: Cush Jumbo, Harriet Walter, Aimee Lou Wood, and others
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Meet Lady Toad, Mistress Badger, Miss Water Rat and Mrs Mole as they go about their adventures, messing around on the river, gallivanting in Lady Toad’s shiny new toy and fighting valiantly to save Toad Hall from unruly squatters. In this retelling by Dina Gregory, The Wind in the Willows becomes a story about a group of female animals to be admired for their close sisterhood and fierce independence. Featuring original music and songs by Rosabella Gregory and sound effects captured on location, put your headphones on, sit back and lose yourself in the British countryside.
-
-
Why Bother?
- By swampedbybunnies on 08-12-20
-
Hunting Unicorns
- By: Bella Pollen
- Narrated by: Alex Jennings, Amber Sealey
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
American Maggie Monroe is a journalist for New York's hard-hitting current affairs show Newsline. Independent and fearless, the more cutting-edge the story, the happier she is. But when her next assignment turns out to be an in-depth documentary on the decline of England's ruling classes, she's furious at being sent to cover a bloody tea party.
-
A Trick I Learned from Dead Men
- By: Kitty Aldridge
- Narrated by: Kristopher Milnes
- Length: 5 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
After the disappearance of their father and the sudden death of their mother, Lee Hart and his deaf brother, Ned, imagine all is lost until Lee lands a traineeship at their local funeral home and discovers there is life after death. Here, in the company of a crooning ex-publican, a closet pole vaulter, a terminally-ill hearse driver, and the dead of their local town, old wounds begin to heal and love arrives as a beautiful florist aboard a 'Fleurtations' delivery van.
-
-
Just not what I expected.
- By Bookworm. on 22-04-13
-
The Devil's Staircase
- By: Helen Fitzgerald
- Narrated by: Federay Holmes
- Length: 4 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Bronny, a young Australian, finds herself down and out in London. She's a sweet girl who has spent her teenage years in a fearful, cautious bubble. She's never taken drugs, had sex or killed anyone. Within six weeks she's done all three. A group of backpackers break into an abandoned London townhouse seeking a rent-free life of debauchery. They don't realise someone's already there: A terrified woman bound and gagged in the basement. 'The Devil's Staircase' combines a chick-lit voice and a dark crime noir environment.
-
-
Fanstic read - so many twists and excellent ending
- By caroline burrells on 02-05-18
-
The Wacky Man
- By: Lyn G. Farrell
- Narrated by: Colleen Prendergast
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Amanda secludes herself in her bedroom, no longer willing to face the outside world. Gradually she pieces together the story of her life: her brothers have had to abandon her, her mother scarcely talks to her, and the Wacky Man could return any day to burn the house down. Just like he promised. As her family disintegrates, Amanda hopes for a better future, a way out of the violence and fear that have consumed her childhood. Winner of the 2015 Luke Bitmead Bursary .
-
-
Tough but brilliant
- By ms annabel abbs on 17-05-16
-
A Christmas Carol
- By: Charles Dickens
- Narrated by: Hugh Grant
- Length: 2 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
First published in 1843, it tells the story of Ebenezer Scrooge, a mean and unpleasant man who dislikes people generally and Christmas especially. One Christmas Eve he is visited by the ghost of his former business partner Jacob Marley and the spirits of Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come and given a glimpse of the many homes and lives which Scrooge has touched in his wretched life to date. After their visits, Scrooge is transformed into a kinder, gentler man.
-
-
Just delightful. Perfect.
- By Brocklette on 23-12-20
-
The Wind in the Willows
- By: Kenneth Grahame, Dina Gregory
- Narrated by: Cush Jumbo, Harriet Walter, Aimee Lou Wood, and others
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Meet Lady Toad, Mistress Badger, Miss Water Rat and Mrs Mole as they go about their adventures, messing around on the river, gallivanting in Lady Toad’s shiny new toy and fighting valiantly to save Toad Hall from unruly squatters. In this retelling by Dina Gregory, The Wind in the Willows becomes a story about a group of female animals to be admired for their close sisterhood and fierce independence. Featuring original music and songs by Rosabella Gregory and sound effects captured on location, put your headphones on, sit back and lose yourself in the British countryside.
-
-
Why Bother?
- By swampedbybunnies on 08-12-20
-
Hunting Unicorns
- By: Bella Pollen
- Narrated by: Alex Jennings, Amber Sealey
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
American Maggie Monroe is a journalist for New York's hard-hitting current affairs show Newsline. Independent and fearless, the more cutting-edge the story, the happier she is. But when her next assignment turns out to be an in-depth documentary on the decline of England's ruling classes, she's furious at being sent to cover a bloody tea party.
-
A Trick I Learned from Dead Men
- By: Kitty Aldridge
- Narrated by: Kristopher Milnes
- Length: 5 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
After the disappearance of their father and the sudden death of their mother, Lee Hart and his deaf brother, Ned, imagine all is lost until Lee lands a traineeship at their local funeral home and discovers there is life after death. Here, in the company of a crooning ex-publican, a closet pole vaulter, a terminally-ill hearse driver, and the dead of their local town, old wounds begin to heal and love arrives as a beautiful florist aboard a 'Fleurtations' delivery van.
-
-
Just not what I expected.
- By Bookworm. on 22-04-13
-
The Devil's Staircase
- By: Helen Fitzgerald
- Narrated by: Federay Holmes
- Length: 4 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Bronny, a young Australian, finds herself down and out in London. She's a sweet girl who has spent her teenage years in a fearful, cautious bubble. She's never taken drugs, had sex or killed anyone. Within six weeks she's done all three. A group of backpackers break into an abandoned London townhouse seeking a rent-free life of debauchery. They don't realise someone's already there: A terrified woman bound and gagged in the basement. 'The Devil's Staircase' combines a chick-lit voice and a dark crime noir environment.
-
-
Fanstic read - so many twists and excellent ending
- By caroline burrells on 02-05-18
-
Me and You
- By: Niccolo Ammaniti
- Narrated by: Rupert Degas
- Length: 2 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Lorenzo Cumi is a 14-year-old misfit. To quell the anxiety of his concerned, socially conscious parents, he tells them he’s been invited on an exclusive ski vacation with the popular kids. On the morning of the trip, Lorenzo demands that his mother drop him off before they arrive at the train station, insisting that his status will be compromised if he shows up accompanied by his mother. Reluctantly, she agrees, and as soon as she is safely out of the vicinity, he turns around and makes his way back to his neighborhood, to put his real plan in motion.
-
-
I never read books
- By Amazon Customer on 01-09-17
-
The Crossroads
- By: Niccolò Ammaniti
- Narrated by: Nicholas Bell
- Length: 14 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Thousands of depressed little towns dot the vast plain where Cristiano Zena lives with his hard-drinking father, Rino. Unfocused urban sprawl with no centre to look to and nothing to look forward to. Rino Zena and his cronies, Danilo and Quattro Formaggi, are planning a ram raid on an ATM, using a converted tractor. The wary, adoring Cristiano sits in on their meetings, watching their half-baked plans unravel, and thinks about the unattainable Fabiana Ponticelli. He has no idea that something very, very bad is about to happen.
-
Bad Soul
- Uncanny Ink Series, Book 1
- By: David Bussell, M.V. Stott
- Narrated by: Helena Little
- Length: 3 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Promises, rules, bones; Erin Banks will break them all. Unscrupulous and lethal, Erin has everything she needs to be an assassin in a world full of mobsters, monsters, and magic. She wasn’t born with powers, but thanks to her Uncanny Ink - arcane tattoos that transform her body into a magic-fueled killing machine - she’s more than a match for anyone dumb enough to stand between her and getting paid. Fresh out of prison, Erin wastes no time getting back to what she does best: running down wanted men and claiming their bounties.
-
-
“Punching werewolves in the nuts”
- By J Smith on 17-02-22
-
Escape and Evasion
- By: Christopher Wakling
- Narrated by: Will Huggins
- Length: 9 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
City banker Joseph Ashcroft has stolen £1.34 billion from his own bank. He has given it - untraceably - to impoverished strangers worldwide and has fled. Why has he done this? And will he get away with it? Joseph knows that if he leaves the country, he will easily be tracked down. So he opts for hiding close by - first in the city, then in the woods near the home of his estranged family. An ex-soldier, he's adept at the art of camouflage. On Joseph's trail is Ben Lancaster, the bank's head of security and, as it happens, a former army friend with whom he shares a violent, guilt-ridden past. The hunt is on.
-
Bad Dreams
- By: Kim Newman
- Narrated by: Kris Dyer, Joan Walker
- Length: 16 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Anne Nielson, an American journalist, comes to London to investigate the strange death of her sister. Soon, she becomes sucked into a netherworld of corruption and perversion and is hurtled toward a final confrontation where she has only the dead as allies. Kim Newman is a well-known and respected author and movie critic. He writes regularly for Empire Magazine and contributes to The Guardian, The Times, Time Out and others. He makes frequent appearances on radio and TV.
-
-
Excellent stories and performances
- By Nigel C. Cox on 30-11-19
-
Black Hill Farm, Book 1
- By: Tim O'Rourke
- Narrated by: Anna Parker-Naples
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When 16-year-old Ben McCloud moves to Black Hill Farm, he soon falls in love with the mysterious and seductive Andrea Black. Finding themselves alone on this remote farm and desperate to stay together, Ben's and Andrea's world spirals out of control. As they fight for survival, every step they take leads them into an ever darker world of terror and despair.
-
-
I never saw that coming !
- By sue ward on 07-06-19
-
The Eye of the Sheep
- By: Sofie Laguna
- Narrated by: Nikos Andronicos
- Length: 9 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Meet Jimmy Flick. He's not like other kids - he's both too fast and too slow. Jimmy's mother, Paula, is the only one who can manage him. She teaches him how to count sheep so that he can fall asleep. She holds him tight enough to stop his cells spinning. It is only Paula who can keep Jimmy out of his father's way. But when Jimmy's world falls apart, he has to navigate life on his own and make things right.
-
Blood Relatives
- By: Stevan Alcock
- Narrated by: Gareth Bennett-Ryan
- Length: 10 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
An incredible debut novel: a coming-of-age tale set against the backdrop of the Yorkshire Ripper murders, ‘full of daring, authenticity and wit' (Rachel Cusk). "The milkman found her. On Prince Philip Playing Fields. He crossed the dew-soaked grass toward what he took to be a bundle of clothes, but then he came across a discarded shoe, and then t' mutilated body. Her name wor Wilma McCann." Leeds, late 1975, and a body has been found on Prince Philip Playing Fields.
-
-
Best gay novel to come out in years
- By T. Dervish on 18-09-16
-
Black Swan Green
- By: David Mitchell
- Narrated by: Kristopher Milnes
- Length: 14 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
January, 1982. Thirteen-year-old Jason Taylor - covert stammerer and reluctant poet - anticipates a stultifying year in his backwater English village. But he hasn't reckoned with bullies, simmering family discord, the Falklands War, a threatened gypsy invasion and those mysterious entities known as girls. Charting 13 months in the black hole between childhood and adolescence, this is a captivating novel, wry, painful and vibrant with the stuff of life.
-
-
I could have been there
- By papapownall on 07-03-21
-
Lamb
- By: Bernard MacLaverty
- Narrated by: Conor Mullen
- Length: 4 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
On a promontory jutting out into the Atlantic wind stands the Home run by Brother Benedict, where boys are taught a little of God and a lot of fear. To Michael Lamb, one of the youngest brothers, the regime is without hope, and when he inherits a small legacy he defies his elders and runs away, taking with him a twelve-year-old boy, Owen Kane. Radio Eireann call it a kidnapping. For Michael the act is the beginning of Owen's salvation.
-
-
Well read, creepy story.
- By stephen on 28-04-13
-
This Is Where I Am
- By: Karen Campbell
- Narrated by: Ruth Urquhart
- Length: 12 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When recently widowed Deborah Maxwell is assigned by the Scottish Refugee Council to act as mentor to Abdi Hassan, a Somali refugee, the two are drawn into an awkward friendship. They must spend a year together, meeting once a month in different parts of Glasgow. As recently-widowed Deborah opens Abdi's eyes to her beloved city and its people, he teaches her about the importance of family – and of laying your ghosts to rest.
-
-
Wonderful
- By Zebra Karma on 24-01-17
-
After the Fire, a Still Small Voice
- By: Evie Wyld
- Narrated by: David Tredinnick
- Length: 10 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Frank and Leon are two men from different times, discovering that sometimes all you learn from your parents' mistakes is how to make different ones of your own. Frank is trying to escape his troubled past by running away to his family's beach shack. As he struggles to make friends with his neighbours and their precocious young daughter, Sal, he discovers the community has fresh wounds of its own. A girl is missing, and when Sal too disappears, suspicion falls on Frank. Decades earlier, Leon tries to hold together his family's cake shop as their suburban life crumbles in the aftermath of the Korean War.
-
-
After The Book a warm glow
- By holly bird on 03-05-14
Summary
Deadknobs and Doomsticks is a collection of 13 short horror stories by I'm a Celebrity Get Me out of Here's "King of the Jungle" and one of the UK's favourite comedians, Joe Pasquale. Ranging from the darkly bizarre to the horrifically surreal, many of the stories are laced with a theme of bullying and bullies.
Dark undertones and malevolent overtones interweave with characters and situations that pull the listener to the edge of their seat. Wit and black humor is prevalent through the stories, each with a delicious payoff for the reader.
Joe Pasquale shows that where there is laughter there is also a dark and disturbing voice that is drawn to the horror genre to find its release.
Joe shows he has as unique a voice in the world of horror writing as in comedy.
What listeners say about Deadknobs and Doomsticks
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- ad e nuff
- 27-04-21
Pleasantly surprised .
It wasn't what I was expecting , the last thing I heard from Joe was a song that would get get on my nerves . Every time he came on tv my dad would remind me that he repaired his dad's tv's for him . When I heard he was writing horror stories I was surprised but when I heard he was narrating them on audible I had to have a listen . His distinctive voice isn't one you'd associate with horror but I thoroughly enjoyed it . I wouldn't describe it as horror exactly more like spooky comedy stories. I especially enjoyed the references to Thurrock , like the daneholes which I've lived near all my life . When it's quiet on the night shift at work I sneak an earphone in and listen to a couple of stories to pass the time . I hope he does more I would be happy to buy another book .
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- shashee
- 31-07-19
really great, made me laugh
Joe really adds to the book . though I wouldn't call it a horror book. Will definitely listen again
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Joseph
- 15-03-19
Perfect blend of twists and comedy
Some good scares and twists that’ll keep you thinking while still filled with Joe’s amazing comedy!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Mr. Martin Brown
- 04-03-18
Joe Pasquale is the best
Very funny a lot of swears but enjoyable. If he does another I can’t wait for it