Showing results by narrator "Christopher D Schmitz" in All Categories

Grandma Ethel's got a long day ahead of her: a pile of cancer medications, a fistful of bullets, and a plate full of donuts. Good thing her car does zero to 60 in 3.5 seconds...if only she could see over the steering wheel.

Farnsworth and Diego are back, leading the newly appointed Division of Nerd Crime into the black heart of the regional Renaissance Festival where someone has stolen celebrity D&D gamer Vin Diesel’s identity.

A back-alley brawl between the furries and the bronies. Deadpool cosplayer keeps stealing all the erotic pegasus artwork. Someone's necronomicon opened a tentacle portal in the men’s room. Two cops go undercover at a comic-book convention to stop Wil Wheaton’s murder. You’ll love this buddy cop comicomedy, unless you’re my mom. If you are my mom, please bring me a hot-pocket. I’m in the basement.

After the debacle on Galilee, the Division of Confidential Secrets investigates the Dozen and their involvement in the Syndicate, spearheaded by a zealous new director with psychic abilities. As Austicon’s sentencing commences, his nefarious criminal contacts threaten action leaving none better suited to prevent terrorist activities than Dekker and his crew.

When Dekker and his fellow mercenaries discover that their simple delivery of medical supplies was stolen by a gang of ruthless thugs, they attempt to reclaim the items. Without the drugs, many will fall to a plague ravaging the expansion world. But more than sickness is eliminating the population, and the unexpected threat proves far more sinister than any could expect on such a backwater planet as Galilee.

When Dekker Knight and his mercenary crew are hired to ferry an alien diplomat to one of Jupiter's moons, they think they've taken a cakewalk mission. They even allow an old friend to tag along. While things appear odd on Io, things are far worse than they realize: Terrorist activities threaten to fracture the tectonic plates and destroy everything on the surface - and the Dozen are stuck without access to their ship!

The TGSPGoSSP is a bit of a comedic acting troupe. Their 2-Part Trilogy mocks our beloved niches in genre fiction. All three books take the usual shots at the usual suspects, both fantasy and sci-fi. If you like dark, deadpan humor and satire such as Monty Python, this title might be your cup of tea.

Antigo is the last of his family line in a town that has long forgotten ancient pledges and rites which bind the mythic and monstrous Skekstatsiis within the forest. Tradition maintains Antigo must become a man by the end of harvest or those eldritch fetters will shatter. Unceremoniously passed over again by all suitors, Antigo finds the corpse of a friend. Convinced of the Skekstatsiis's return, the elders write it off as fairytale and delusion, or worse: a plot by the Trade League to disrupt the harvest!

The demon Dione existed before the dawn of time. Surely she was created alongside the very Divine Machine she came to loathe so much. From Dione's seduction by Asmodeus and imprisonment at the hands of King Solomon to her release by an unwitting archaeologist, the timeline is punctuated with the baal's influence and its counters by the time-traveling Ezekiel who repels the Arbolean invasion during the infancy of the Akkadian Empire with the weapons of an ancient Greek tinkerer.

Farnsworth and Diego must complete their most difficult undercover mission yet: infiltrating the Alabama Mafia. Not only does the mob want General Saunder’s secret blend of herbs and spices, but they’re willing to fry anybody who gets in their way… after rolling them in breadcrumbs and their proprietary blend of seasonings… even their new celebrity spokesman: Nicholas Cage.