Showing results by narrator "Jonathan Sleep" in All Categories

They weren’t chosen. They weren’t heroes. They weren’t even particularly bright. But they were assholes. When a group of dysfunctional idiots gets dragged into a fantasy RPG, they don’t become heroes. They become everyone else’s problem. Trapped in a world of magic, monsters, and a game master who’s had enough of their shit, Tim, Dave, Julian, and Cooper have to survive. Using the only skills they actually have: Bad decisions. Petty arguments. Zero impulse control. If you’re looking for noble heroes, epic destiny, and clean fantasy adventure…This isn’t that. Not even close.

Going back home was not exactly what Tim and the C&C gang expected. Trouble continues to follow them back to Gulf Coast Mississippi. Trouble...and a gnome...and an undead midget.

I was once a mighty Paladin of Darkness, mother of all the Elements. The one and only of my kind. Some called me the chosen one, a savior destined to rescue the world; others insisted I would be its downfall. I never got the chance to discover who was right. Society conspired with the traitors to trap me in the deadly Element of Time. But a year later, I managed to break free . . . wait, how has it been 700 years?

While the last scraps of those cultists skulk off to hide and cause trouble, I'm not sitting still. I'm rebuilding my strength, training allies, and punishing enemies—just another day for a Paladin of Darkness. Lately the Empire's turned into the eye of the storm, and the noise has drawn our...

This is a collection of the first six short stories in the Caverns and Creatures series. It includes "Cave of the Kobolds"; "Zombie Attack"; "Orcs, Bears, and Assholes"; "Shipfaced"; "Dungeon Crawl"; and "The Creep on the Borderlands".

I took control of the Shadow Clan, giving the district's residents something they hadn't had in years—a chance to breathe freely. Independence, protection, and a shot at a normal life. But to the rest of society, the Shadow Clan was still nothing more than a den of killers, criminals, and thieves. They despised us. They refused to leave us alone. And worst of all? They underestimated us.

This is a collection of the ninth six short stories in the Caverns & Creatures series. It includes the following titles: Look Before You Leak, Bred Dwarf, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Alcoholic Gnome, Don't Get Too Athached, Fool's Gold, and Kiss My Cloaca.

Finding themselves permanently stuck in this strange new world, the gang tries to make the best of it by finding the nearest tavern and getting shitfaced. The plan goes just fine until they lose Katherine and Chaz.

For Olgerd, the month in recovery which followed his month-long full immersion stint in Mirror World may have felt like a single day. But while he relaxed in the bosom of his loving family, in-game events progressed in leaps and bounds. The clans of both Light and Dark continue their lightning expansion into No-Man's Lands. Reports of violent clashes between clan scouts—both with other contestants and local top-level monsters—fill the pages of game and multimedia news feeds as everyone is trying to win the juiciest morsels of these new territories for themselves.

Among scientists who write, no one illuminates as well as Stephen Jay Gould does the wonderful workings of the natural world. Now in a new volume of collected essays—his sixth since Ever Since Darwin—Gould speaks of the importance of unbroken connections within our own lives and to our ancestral generations. Along with way, he opens to us the mysteries of fish tails, frog calls, and other matters, and shows once and for all why we must take notice when a seemingly insignificant creature is threatened, like the land snail Partula from Moorea, whose extinction he movingly relates.

The coronation's in ruins and von Grave's been cast out, but the cursed cult behind him is still in play. Who would've guessed those lunatics survived, still poisoning the world with their filth? No matter. I nearly wiped them out once—this time I'll finish the job for good. Right, Beeky?...

Alex Armstrong has changed everything about herself—her name, her appearance, her backstory. She's no longer the terrified teenager a rapt audience saw on television, emerging in handcuffs from the quiet suburban home the night her family was massacred. That girl, Alexandra Quinlan, nicknamed Empty Eyes by the media, was accused of the killings, fought to clear her name, and later took the stand during her highly publicized defamation lawsuit that captured the attention of the nation.

This is a collection of the sixth six short stories in the Caverns and Creatures series...Sound interesting? The author thinks so too! Listen to 6d6 and experience the compelling world of dark humor and fantasy.

Calvin Cooper finally had it all in focus—his career was thriving, his brand-new high-end camera was paid off, and for the first time, he could afford to chase passion projects instead of paychecks. Then the spell he used as a prop . . . actually worked. Worse—it was done wrong. In an...

This is a collection of short stories in the Caverns and Creatures series. It includes the following titles: "They Fight Three Giants", "From the Bowels of Hell Hounds", "Tossing the Salaad", "The Fuccubus", "Fistin' the Furious", and "Pixie Dicks".

A collection of absurdist and thought-provoking stories from the author's Return to the Dirt, Just Speculating, and more, including unreleased, exclusive, audio-only content! Performed by a cast of award-winning and Audie® nominated narrators. Fans of the macabre, dark humor, and cerebral thrillers are guaranteed a good listen. Occupational Hazards is an unflinching ride through the absurdity of it all. Existentialism, absurdism, and outlandish humor merge with ordinary, workaday life for a truly unique perspective of the human experience. Not recommended for the faint of heart or easily offended. But if meaty stories are what you're after....We hope you're hungry.  

Were dinosaurs really dumber than lizards? Why, after all, are roughly the same number of men and women born into the world? What led the famous Dr. Down to his theory of mongolism, and its racist residue? What do the panda's magical "thumb" and the sea turtle's perilous migration tell us about imperfections that prove the evolutionary rule? The wonders and mysteries of evolutionary biology are elegantly explored in these and other essays by the celebrated natural history writer Stephen Jay Gould.

This is a collection of the third six short stories in the Caverns and Creatures series.

This is a collection of the eighth six short stories in the Caverns & Creatures series. It includes the following titles: This Poo Shall Pass, Hung Ogre, Fortune Favors the Kobold, Asses to Asses, Love on the Rocs, and The Winds of Cooper. If you've already purchased all of these books, there is nothing new for you here. If you haven't yet purchased any, you can save a few bucks by buying this collection. If you've only purchased some of these already, you'll have to do some math.

This is a collection of the fourth six short stories in the Caverns and Creatures series.