Showing results for "Earth" in Humorous

Intergalactic lawman Terry Victor is betrayed by fellow officers and sent to a backwater planet on the interstellar arm of the universe. In short, he was sent to the planet called Earth. Fed up, he quits in a fit of disgust and seeks a peaceful retirement among the humans. Unfortunately, trouble has a way of finding Terry Victor. Keep his head down and away from Earth's authorities, or help a woman about to be attacked by a gang?

Random House presents the audiobook edition of The Last Dog on Earth by Adrian J Walker, read by David John and Jonathan Aris. Every dog has its day… And for Lineker, a happy go lucky mongrel from Peckham, the day the world ends is his: finally a chance to prove to his owner just how loyal he...

Aliens ripped a hole above Earth, arriving with a massive space station. I sorta figured we'd be enslaved to fight in their wars or exterminated for our resources. Nope. The hip-high Iglax were merchants with ugly squished faces and thick blue fur. While they weren't much to look at, they sure did have some wonderous technology.

With Arizona united under the corporate auspices of Silken Sands, Dearth Local is in retreat—and Tyson has earned himself some nice R and R. Or so he thought. Now, just a month after Day 1, mysterious beasts are plaguing his land. A powerful armada tears through the sea. An angry Beholder threatens his workers. And a powerful tsunami has signaled the arrival of an even more powerful affiliate. A singular monster that assimilates its workers into the ever-growing hivemind that is its corporate structure, Kraken threatens not just to end Tyson and his fledgling affiliate.

Since long before the spaceships' fleeting presence, Blaine has been content to go along with the whims of his supermom wife and half-feral, television-addicted children. But when the kids blithely ponder skinning people to see if they're aliens, and his wife drags them all on a surprise road trip to Disney World, even steady Blaine begins to crack. Half a continent away, Heather floats in a Malibu pool and watches the massive ships hover overhead. Maybe her life is finally going to start.

Noah Beckett was living a perfectly average life—regular job, mild coffee addiction, zero expectation of being humanity’s last hope. But then, a voice in the sky informed the good people of Earth that they had been drafted into an intergalactic war, and suddenly, survival became his full-time occupation. As promised, a relentless invasion of alien knights descends, reducing our planet to a smoldering battlefield. Their armor shrugs off bullets. Their swords cut through steel. Their goal? Annihilate humankind. Noah’s goal? Find his wife. Don’t die. Maybe punch an alien in the face.

Recruited to follow the last signal of the mysterious Elders to a system halfway across the galaxy, Andy joins the crew of the James Bowie for another adventure into the unknown. The journey will be filled with mystery and wonder, with strange life seeded on far-flung worlds by the godlike Elders…and with danger. For the Elders didn’t leave our galaxy of their own accord. They were driven out by an implacable enemy, something beyond their understanding…and ours.

Ijon Tichy is the only human who knows for sure whether the self-programming robots on the moon are plotting a terrestrial invasion. But a highly focused ray severs his corpus collosum. Now his left brain can’t remember the secret and his uncooperative right brain won’t tell. Tichy struggles for control of the lost memory and of his own two warring sides.

Adam did what he had to do to save his friend Tidus, but in doing so, his secret leaked out. Instead of being known simply as The Human, he's been exposed as the famous Adam Cain, the person who died and was brought back to life by the mutants Panur and Lila. And now the knowledge has found its way to a mysterious secret sect of immortality worshippers who want Adam's secret for their own. And they'll do anything to get it . . . even if they have to kill Adam Cain in the process.

Jack Gripper loves playing pranks and eating pizza. But when he’s tasked with selecting an alien species to mentor Earth for the next 100 years, he’d better make the right call or the Earth is doomed! Can he overcome obstacles and diabolical plots to pick the right alien? And, just as important, can chocolate and pizza survive the alien encounter?

If you're an alien traveler seeking adventure (or just stranded by a malfunctioning space cruiser), this is your ultimate guide to surviving Earth with your dignity mostly intact. Written with wit, sarcasm, and mild concern for your safety, A Guide to the Planet Earth for Aliens is perfect for fans of Douglas Adams, The Martian, and anyone who’s ever felt like Earth might be trying to kill them… but still wants to visit again.

In the year 2475, the remnants of humanity have taken to the skies, inhabiting massive domed cities that hover five miles over the ruined ecological disaster of old Earth. The Powers That Be, in their infinite wisdom, decided that the few million people left deserved to live their best lives, so they gave each sub-orbital platform its own theme and legally enforced tech level.

It all started as a milk run: a working vacation on New Arcadia, the neo-Victorian and Edwardian steampunk orbital, with cards and booze and filthy jokes aplenty. Then it became a bigger — but still low-stakes — job involving stolen Egyptian artifacts with a payday almost too good to be true. How it ended up, though, might have involved going to war with a bloodthirsty outlaw gang of neo-Nazi, neo-pagan, cybernetic, steampunk biker werewolves and trying to prevent the Viking apocalypse. Maybe with the help of half-alien Jesus, an ancient cat goddess, and a small army of berserker dwarves.

What happens when love and laughter collide in a nuclear wasteland? Meet Bopo and Tippy, 2 clowns in love. When they narrowly survive a nuclear apocalypse. They pack up their stuff and head out on a cross country road trip through the nuclear wasteland to see if their family in Florida managed to survive. Along their journey they will face the harsh trials and Tribulations of the wasteland and do so with bright painted smiles. Because in a world turned upside down by a nuclear apocalypse, love and laughter may become the ultimate survival tools.

All Kat wants to do is run her own life. But it seems as though everyone else has competing plans for her. Her commander of the Bosch Pirate Force wants her to lead. Her husband wants her to abandon her pirating ways. Her mother-in-law wouldn’t mind seeing her dead. And her past enslaver, Rob Abernathy, wants her back. As listeners of A Merry Life know, Kat is fearless, principled, and determined to settle old scores. When a face from her past spurs a dangerous mission, she jumps at the opportunity, unaware that it will have explosive results.

Jane is the only person left on the planet, minding the only business left: a gift shop. She wasn’t born on Earth, but her ancestors were; they lived there before the AI in charge of geoengineering failed and the oceans got too hot to sustain the terrestrial food web and before humans took off to colonize other planets. She’s heading to college on Jupiter in the fall of 3020, so her days on the home planet—selling “American Epoch” postcards, “History: The Poster!” and “War: The Soundtrack” to tourists from the suburbs of Europa—are numbered. 

Die Nimrod-Flotte ist bereit für den Kampf, doch am Vorabend des Krieges taucht ein neuer furchterregender Feind auf, der alles, wofür Captain Taylor Ray gekämpft hat, bedroht. Oberprobst Kagan führt eine gewaltige Hedalt-Armada an, die unaufhaltsam auf Captain Ray und seine Nimrod-Flotte zusteuert. Die Übermacht ist überwältigend und scheint unbesiegbar.

Humans insist Monday is simply the beginning of the week. Aliens know better. Every seven days, Earth is gripped by a baffling ritual involving alarm clocks, excessive caffeine, mysterious meetings, and a dramatic loss of motivation. Humans shuffle through offices and schools muttering phrases like "I need more coffee" and "Is it Friday yet?" while pretending this is perfectly normal.

The 10,000-year conflict between the Wiley clan and the Balfore tribe had ceased hostility for a little over 100 years. There was still no love between the two, but all of the other clans were happy that what seemed like a never-ending dispute was over. The sounding of a truce brought a sense of peace to Brisbane 5 and the rest of the known galaxies. It was understood throughout the neighboring solar systems that hostilities could erupt again if a sneeze were misunderstood, or a toe stepped on inadvertently.