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Conscious Relating

Conscious Relating

By: Forest Williams
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Summary
 If you’re deeply committed to your relationship — but keep getting pulled into the same reactive loops that feel disconnecting — you’re not alone. I’m Forest Williams, certified relationship coach, and I guide devoted couples to untangle the unconscious dynamics that get in the way of intimacy and quietly erode connection over time. Here, we explore Conscious Relating as a spiritual practice — where your relationship becomes a sanctuary for healing, growth, and a steady source of joy instead of struggle.Forest Williams Relationships Social Sciences
Episodes
  • The Shame Triangle: Why Self-Aware People Still Get Stuck in Relationships [19]

    The Shame Triangle: Why Self-Aware People Still Get Stuck in Relationships [19]
    Jun 25 2026
    Why do so many self-aware people still find themselves stuck in the same relationship patterns? In this conversation, Forest sits down with Jessica Fern (author of Polysecure) and David Cooley (co-author of Polywise) to explore their groundbreaking framework, The Shame Triangle—a practical model for understanding how shame, self-criticism, and coping strategies quietly shape our relationships, emotional well-being, and sense of self. Together they unpack parts work, Internal Family Systems (IFS), spirituality, attachment wounds, conflict, self-love, and the hidden ways shame keeps us disconnected from ourselves and the people we care about most. They also share personal stories about divorce, conscious relationships, monogamy, non-monogamy, and the lifelong journey of healing. If you've ever wondered why awareness alone isn't enough to create lasting change, this episode offers a compassionate roadmap for transforming shame into deeper self-acceptance, connection, and intimacy. Topics include: shame, parts work, Internal Family Systems (IFS), attachment, trauma healing, relationship conflict, self-love, spirituality, emotional regulation, conscious relationships, monogamy, non-monogamy, and personal growth. LINKS⁠⁠⁠⁠the Conscious Couple⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 4 month course: consciousrelating.org/the-conscious-couplePurchase the Book: jessicafern.com/booksShame Triangle Course: theazuriteway.comDave's Website: restorativerelationship.comAsk Dave & Jess Show: linktr.ee/AskJessandDave⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Couple's Sessions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: consciousrelating.org/coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join the Newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: subscribepage.io/consciousrelating⁠⁠⁠⁠consciousrelating.org⁠⁠CHAPTERS00:00 Shame, Intimacy & Why This Conversation Matters Forest shares his personal experience with shame, emotional triggers, and how shame can quietly interfere with intimacy. 05:15 Why Jessica Fern & David Cooley Wrote Transforming the Shame Triangle The inspiration behind the book and why shame became the missing piece in so much healing and relationship work. 11:00 Why Self-Aware People Still Get Stuck The hidden role shame plays in blocking accountability, growth, emotional availability, and relationship repair. 17:30 Spirituality, Consciousness & Relationships as a Path of Growth Jessica and David share how they define spirituality, consciousness, and personal evolution. 28:00 Parts Work, IFS & Self-Leadership What Internal Family Systems teaches about parts, Self energy, and healing internal conflict. 40:00 Why Parts Work Actually Works How identifying different parts of ourselves creates more choice, emotional regulation, and resilience. 49:00 Understanding the Shame TriangleThe Inner Critic, Shame, and Escaper—and how these three forces keep us trapped in repeating patterns. 1:02:00 How Shame Shows Up in Everyday Life Jessica shares a powerful story illustrating how even success and positive experiences can trigger shame. 1:10:00 From the Shame Triangle to the Self-Love Triangle How compassion, curiosity, and self-leadership transform shame into healing. 1:17:00 Autoimmune Illness, Stress & Emotional Health Exploring the relationship between shame, chronic stress, inflammation, and mind-body healing. 1:25:00 Divorce, Conscious Relationships & Authentic Relating Jessica and David share how they transitioned from marriage to a new form of partnership. 1:34:00 Forest's Journey from Relationship Anarchy to Conscious Exclusivity A candid discussion about monogamy, non-monogamy, emotional intimacy, identity, and authenticity. 1:47:00 Practical Wisdom for Healing Shame Key takeaways, resources, and where to learn more about Transforming the Shame Triangle. Music Creditshttps://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/dreamstateLicense code: YTLHO7DQH73KDCKChttps://uppbeat.io/t/jeff-kaale/new-chapterLicense code: 8U4D1JARWUZ8WEYO
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    1 hr and 10 mins
  • Stop Being an Ally (Why “Being a Good Ally” Can Actually Create Disconnection) [18]

    Stop Being an Ally (Why “Being a Good Ally” Can Actually Create Disconnection) [18]
    May 30 2026
    What happens when the desire to be a “good ally” becomes performative? In this episode, we explore how shame, virtue signaling, identity politics, and unhealed trauma can create disconnection instead of trust. We discuss authentic relationships, nervous system healing, spiritual growth, and why real human connection starts when we stop performing and start relating human-to-human. LINKS⁠⁠⁠the Conscious Couple⁠⁠⁠⁠ 4 month course: consciousrelating.org/the-conscious-couple⁠⁠⁠Join Ostara: fenixgrace.com/ostara-psychic-collective⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Couple's Sessions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: consciousrelating.org/coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join the Newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: subscribepage.io/consciousrelating⁠⁠⁠consciousrelating.org⁠CHAPTERS00:00 — Why “Good Ally” Energy Feels Awkward Forest shares why authentic affirmation feels different from performative allyship — and why trying too hard can feel disconnecting. 02:10 — “Stop Trying to Be an Ally” Fēnix explains how social justice culture can unintentionally become dehumanizing, even when it’s trying to fight dehumanization. 04:00 — The Shame Behind Performative Allyship How guilt, self-loathing, and the need to be seen as “good” drive unconscious ally behavior. 06:30 — Lovability Wounds & Activist Identity The connection between people-pleasing, social justice culture, and the desire for acceptance and belonging. 10:20 — White Guilt, Belonging, and Cultural Identity Forest shares his experiences navigating identity, race, belonging, and connection while living in Oakland. 15:40 — Trauma, Boundaries, and Reverse Hierarchies A nuanced conversation about how unprocessed pain can recreate unhealthy power dynamics inside activist spaces. 20:30 — Why Virtue Signaling Breaks Trust How trying to “prove” you’re safe or enlightened often creates more disconnection instead of intimacy. 24:00 — Codependency & Nervous System Responsibility Fēnix explains how over-functioning as an ally can become a form of emotional codependency. 28:00 — The Cult Dynamics of Social Justice Culture The pressure to conform, fear of punishment, and loss of authenticity within performative activism spaces. 33:30 — Spirituality, Healing, and Humanization Why spiritual maturity, embodiment, and shadow work are missing from many modern social justice conversations. 38:00 — Trauma, Forgiveness, and Emotional Availability A deeper conversation about healing relational wounds without projecting pain onto others. 42:00 — When Unprocessed Pain Turns Into Harm Forest and Fēnix discuss how oppressed people can unconsciously weaponize pain in relationships. 46:00 — “Just Be Human” The episode closes with a reflection on equality, spiritual humility, and why authentic connection matters more than identity performance. Music Creditshttps://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/dreamstateLicense code: YTLHO7DQH73KDCKChttps://uppbeat.io/t/jeff-kaale/new-chapterLicense code: 8U4D1JARWUZ8WEYO
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    51 mins
  • Why Love Isn’t Enough: How to Assess Compatibility Before Marriage (Avoid Future Breakups) [17]

    Why Love Isn’t Enough: How to Assess Compatibility Before Marriage (Avoid Future Breakups) [17]
    Apr 15 2026
    Most couples get married based on love—but love alone isn’t enough to sustain a long-term relationship. In this episode, relationship coach Forest Williams breaks down the unconscious trap that leads couples into painful breakups years down the line: avoiding honest conversations about compatibility. You’ll learn how to face the fear of “what if we’re not compatible,” why emotional security starts within, and how assessing compatibility can actually deepen trust and strengthen your relationship over time. If you’re thinking about marriage—or already in a committed relationship—this episode will challenge the mainstream narrative and give you a more grounded, conscious approach to building something that actually lasts. LINKS⁠⁠the Conscious Couple⁠⁠⁠ 4 month course: consciousrelating.org/the-conscious-couple⁠⁠Love w/o Losing Yourself⁠⁠ 4 week class: consciousrelating.org/love-without-losing-yourself⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Couple's Sessions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: consciousrelating.org/coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join the Newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: subscribepage.io/consciousrelating⁠⁠consciousrelating.org⁠CHAPTERS0:00 – The Relationship Trap Most Couples Fall Into Why basing marriage on love alone sets couples up for failure—and how incompatibility reveals itself over time. 2:30 – The Cost of Avoiding Compatibility Conversations What happens when you ignore misalignment (and why it gets exponentially harder to leave later). 5:00 – Mainstream Conditioning Around Marriage How societal norms, unplanned circumstances, and passive relationship dynamics lead to unconscious commitments. 8:30 – Why Assessing Compatibility Feels So Hard The real reason couples avoid this conversation: fear of the relationship ending. 12:00 – Avoiding vs Fixing: Two Ways We Resist the Truth How people unconsciously bypass incompatibility instead of facing reality. 15:00 – What Real Relationship Security Actually Comes From Why security isn’t created by marriage, commitment, or time—but from within. 18:30 – Can You Imagine Life Without Your Partner? A powerful test of self-security (and why it actually strengthens your relationship). 22:00 – The Anatomy of a Secure Relationship Why healthy relationships require two whole individuals—not emotional dependency. 25:00 – Why You’ll Never Feel Secure If You Avoid the Truth How skipping compatibility conversations leads to long-term anxiety and doubt. 29:00 – The Spiritual Layer: Facing the “Death” of a Relationship Why confronting the potential end of a relationship is key to clarity and truth. 33:00 – Nervous System Regulation: The Missing Skill How fear shows up in your body—and why regulation is essential for honest conversations. 36:00 – Practical Tools to Regulate Fear Somatic techniques: shaking, journaling, singing, and creating space to process emotions. 40:00 – Becoming “Neutral” to Fear Why the goal isn’t to eliminate fear—but to stay grounded in it so you can access truth. 43:00 – What’s Next: How to Actually Assess Compatibility Preview of upcoming episode + deeper ways to evaluate alignment in your relationship. Music Creditshttps://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/dreamstateLicense code: YTLHO7DQH73KDCKChttps://uppbeat.io/t/jeff-kaale/new-chapterLicense code: 8U4D1JARWUZ8WEYO
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    21 mins
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