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Summary

My name is John Cook, and my life began the day my heart stopped beating.

You meet the most interesting men in medieval prisons. This one time, I met a guy who offered me immortality for the low, low price of changing my diet. I didn’t read the fine print. Because, he wasn’t talking about a gluten-free diet. More like hemoglobin-full.

And now, I’m a friggin’ vampire with five centuries of pop culture references.

Granted, at the time, I was listening to the dying screams of my mother and father being burned and eviscerated alive just outside the rusty bars of the prison cell, and my new best friend was offering me my only real chance at saving my own life and avenging my parents’ murderers - some day.

Except, my first chance at vengeance took about 500 years, and I had to wade through oceans of sin and violence, blackening my soul - and my already dark sense of humor - beyond redemption until I met Father Thomes, a Roman Catholic priest, in present-day Houston.

Papa Thomes taught me how to use my dark curse to fight for the good guys. Like Alfred and Robin did for Batman - except we straight up murder Jokers and Two-Faces.

Biteman and Pope’n.

We stand up for the downtrodden, the forgotten, and the neglected.

By ex-sanguinating the wicked in horrific, truly imaginative ways and having a grand ol’ time doing it. You know what they say about doing what you love...

But our party is soon cut short when we learn the End of Days is just around the corner, and that the fine print of my contract might have hidden a few other tidbits. Like the fact that I was central to kicking off the apocalypse and that the archdemons will stop at nothing to make sure the dude abides by the terms of his contract.

I guess I need a lawyer.

Get ready to laugh at extreme violence. I know I will. If you’re not laughing, you’re learning.

©2019 Hunter Blain (P)2019 Hunter Blain

What listeners say about I’m Glad You’re Dead

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Excellent

I’m about half way through and this book is so so cool ….. I’m loving the supernatural creepy stuff but this book also has LOTS of humour… this has to be the only vampire book that I have laughed ….. the Hilton hotel phone call had me laughing so much ….

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fantastic

loved the way the book was written and now looking forward to the next book

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My kind of humour

A brilliant new take on the vampire genre. Made me laugh out loud many times.

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  • Collin Baker
  • 22-12-19

Gory Damn Fun Romp Through Time

A blood-filled adventure through both history and the inner workings of a vampire who, after a long time, is still figuring things out. A well written story with a phenomenal narrator to bring it to life. Would recommend to all unless you are opposed to violence, jokes and and all-round good time, you know, the people no one likes.

12 people found this helpful

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  • Summer Riley
  • 20-06-20

If Dead Pool was a Vampire....

This book was a pleasant surprise! Truly entertaining and Im really looking forward to starting the next one! Lots of laughs and kick ass monster fights but also really endearing and sweet. The back and forth between past and present was done really well and gives the reader a good glimpse into Johns past and the demons that haunt him even still. The other characters are just as interesting and can’t wait to see what happens next!!

9 people found this helpful

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  • EMPIREriot
  • 27-02-20

Friendly neighborhood vampiric wiseass.

So I enjoyed this very much! I have discovered many books because I greatly enjoy Luke Daniels' narrations and this is my first Hunter Blain book. I thought this was a lot of fun. John (the main character) is.... the best way to say this is if Dresden had a vampiric offspring with Deadpool. Without spoilers... he is a friendly wiseass. He is far from perfect, but he means well. He has flaws... might make a mistake but he is... or well was only human. I'm a HUGE fan of the Dresden series by Jim Butcher so I feel like this has a similar feel. You get a great sense of who he is.... who his allies are... and a part of the world. It's really entertaining and I can't wait to hear more!!!! Thank you to you both!

7 people found this helpful

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  • Brynn Kemp
  • 01-03-20

Best not so good guy Hero book

I love this book. I won't lie, some parts are so descriptive and horrific, I found myself cringing. Other parts had me laughing out loud regardless of my surroundings. I have now listened to it twice and am reading #3 while not so patiently waiting for the Audible edition. I can promise, I'll be reading them all.

6 people found this helpful

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  • Rodney Harris
  • 19-09-20

Story

Good story, love the characters and pretty funny. Jon is a trip lol Highly recommend.

3 people found this helpful

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  • richard henney
  • 26-06-20

warning do not eat while listening to this book

This book is amazing,funny and beyond entertaining. Half way through book 1 I went and bought the rest of Hunters book.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Diana
  • 06-12-20

Very Funny, very gory - it's Horror not Fantasy

This is a DNF (did not finish) book for me. I started it yesterday. There were a lot of laugh-out-loud moments due to the tongue-in-cheek writing, but in between there was a lot of horror and too much descriptive gore. Today I will start another book because I cannot remember what made me laugh but do remember the horrific and graphic descriptions. I don't want to put such things into my mind. Luke Daniel's narration was very good. But the voices used were the same as in Iron Druid and I kept thinking about that. Perhaps this should have been in the Horror category instead of the Fantasy category because the gory descriptions are very graphic and are unforgettable.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Michel
  • 28-08-21

The Dresden Files for a younger listener

If you are familiar with the Dresden Files, you will immediately see some similarities in this story. However, this book seems to be geared more towards a younger crowd as the dialog is a little over the top at times with cliches and movie taglines. The best way to put it would be Harry Dresden during his obnoxious teenage years - if he were a vampire instead of a wizard. It's not a bad book and I will probably buy the next book and see if the author can mature his characters into something more substantial.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Ryan
  • 02-03-21

Luke Daniels’ Best Work

I’ve always been impressed with Mr. Daniels voice talent. But here we get the full range across the spectrum. If you’re a Luke fan, sink your fangs in and indulge your self on this sweet sexy morsel.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Keith Rule
  • 15-02-21

Snarky Vampire Story

This story seems to be going for a Deadpool the Vampire in a Dresden File-like universe. But it feels more like a Snarky Fred the Vampire story to me. But I like Fred the Vampire - so I like this story too.

Luke Daniels is great - but that's expected. However, the story seems a bit derivative, which is easy to see by the descriptions in other reviews. That's not a bad thing. Being a lightened up Dresden-File story sounds like it would be fun - because it is.

The story doesn't feel dark enough to be a black comedy, it's going for snark rather the comic bits. But it worked for me.

The story is clearly building a world that is similar to Dresden Files. Starting with a similar universe make it easier understand the rules with out a lot of explanation - but it's different enough that it's unique.

Definitly recommended if reading a lightened up Dresden-file story sounds fun.

1 person found this helpful