Showing results for "Morris Gleitzman" in Humor

"Dear Your Majesty the Queen, I need to speak to you urgently about my brother Luke. He's got cancer and the doctors in Australia are being really slack...." If you want something done properly, Colin Mudford reckons, go straight to the top.

"I'm only going to say this once more," said Dad, "so listen very carefully. We are not ever, under any circumstances, going to Australia." What does a kid do when his Mum and Dad are misery guts? Move them to a tropical paradise, decides Keith. That'll cheer them up. It's a brilliant plan, if he can pull it off.

Morris's books dominate the children's choice awards and there is a huge supply of fans awaiting his novels as they are published. Fourteen clever tales, featuring a host of Morris's beloved characters and some new ones! While Ginger and her dog, Anthony, organize the ultimate party, Wilton the worm meets Aristotle the nose germ in an unexpected location and Ben tries to save the world by not eating his vegetables.

When 13-year-old Matt is discovered impressing the livestock in an Aussie country town with his remarkable soccer skills, he's offered the chance of a lifetime - a try-out at one of Europe's biggest and most glamorous soccer clubs. His younger sister, Bridie, goes with him as his manager and tells us their story - warts, goals and all.

A story of friendship, courage and a bit of crime. Bridget wants a quiet life, including, if possible, keeping her parents out of prison. Then a boy called Menzies makes her an offer she can't refuse, and they set off on a job of their own. It's a desperate, daring plan, to rescue two kids, Jamal and Bibi, from a desert detention centre. Can Bridget and Menzies pull off their very first jail break, or will they end up behind bars too? Sometimes to help a friend, you have to dig deep.

Bumface! That's who Angus wants to be. He dreams of being bold, brave, wild and free. Like the pirate in the stories he tells his younger brother and sister. Instead, Angus is just plain tired from changing nappies and wiping food off walls. His mum calls him Mr. Dependable, but Angus can barely cope. Another baby would be a disaster. So Angus comes up with a bold and brave plan to stop her getting pregnant. That's when he meets Rindi And Angus thought he had a problem before...

'Ouch,' said Limpy. 'Why's my back hurting?' A horrible thought hit him. Perhaps it was a fork wound. Perhaps while he was unconscious the human had tried to eat him. He looked around. 'Stack me,' said Limpy. All he could see was blue plastic. Limpy's on a quest to find toad heaven. A place where cane toads won't be blown up with bike pumps or bashed over the head with folding chairs. Limpy's determined to find this place if it takes the rest of his life. But first he has to get out of the bucket.

Uncle Bart reckons humans don't hate cane toads, but Limpy knows they do. He's spotted the signs. The cross looks. The unkind comments. The way they squash cane toads with their cars. Limpy is desperate to save his family from ending up as placemats. Somehow he must make humans see how nice cane toads really are.

Limpy the toad has a vision. A world where cane toads and humans play mudslides together and help each other with the shopping. But how does a young cane toad discover the ancient secret of living in peace with humans? First he has to dodge the killer trucks and supermarket trolleys. Then he has to stop his cousin declaring war on the entire human race.

'What I need,' said Pearl as she started to slide off the roof, 'is a grandmother.' Where do you get a top gran at short notice? It's not easy, but Pearl's got Winston to help her, and you can do anything when your best friend is the world's brainiest guinea pig. Then Pearl meets Gran and the surprises begin. A moving and unforgettable story from Australia's funniest children's author.

Save 10 lives with a paperclip, discover how a big banana can ruin your sister's holiday, make a new friend with a garbage bin, develop a taste for sheep's spleen and chips, bounce on a vampire's bed, rescue your dad from a dog and a spider, use a toilet roll to get justice, upset the neighbours with a pickaxe, eat a pizza that makes you fearless and imagine a world where teachers earn more money than a rock star.

Brilliantly funny short stories for middle school listeners from the ever-popular Morris Gleitzman, in the hilarious style of Give Peas a Chance, Pizza Cake and Snot Chocolate! These short stories are equally funny and hopeful – at a time when we need as much hope and humour as we can get.

"Doug's not like one of those posh guardian angels in the Bible," Gran used to say. "He's invisible, he doesn't do violence and he's very busy, so if you need him you've got to ask." I'm asking you now, Doug. Mitch needs help. Everyone hates him, but he's got a plan that'll make him the most popular bloke in town. If it doesn't kill him. He hopes his guardian angel is listening.

What does a kid do when his Mum and Dad are worry warts? Make them rich, decides Keith. Very very rich. It's a brilliant plan, if it works.

Bigger and fatter than all the other microbes in the valley, Wilton feels ostracized and out of place. But even more worryingly, their world has become unhealthy and toxic with mass illness and flash storms. Setting out to find out what is wrong, Wilton meets Algy, a tiny microbe small enough to sit on his shoulder (and take refuge in his guts) who accompanies Wilton on his quest.

What does a kid do when his Mum and Dad are past it? Get them into shape, decides Keith. And find them new partners. It's a brilliant plan, but he'll need help.

"Limpy has a dream. A dream where cane toads and humans live happily together. Surely, this time Limpy will be able to show humans how nice cane toads can be? After all, it is Christmas. And isn't Christmas a time of peace and goodwill to all men? And cane toads? A hilarious story of one cane toad's quest to experience the true meaning of Christmas.

Where do you get a top grandmother at short notice? It's not easy, but Pearl's got Winston to help her, and you can do anything when your best friend is the world's brainiest guinea pig. Then Pearl meets Gran, and the surprises begin.

Where do you get a top grandmother at short notice? It's not easy, but Pearl's got Winston to help her, and you can do anything when your best friend is the world's brainiest guinea pig. Then Pearl meets Gran, and the surprises begin.

Thomas is eleven and lives with his mum and dad and big sister, Alisha. He was a pretty normal kid until two weeks ago, when he discovered he had developed a startling new ability. Every time anyone tells a lie, Thomas develops a violent itch in his nipples. It's uncomfortable, embarrassing, and gets Thomas into all sorts of trouble.