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Happy Halloween, darlings! It's our ooky, spooky, scary, glamorous Halloween episode. Titty is sipping goji-berry matcha in Bali, Georgie is back in Miami for another ship, and we still can't introduce each other without it sounding like a kids' book.

In What Are You Wearing, Titty has gone for the most terrifying costume she could think of: Miss Georgie Porgie. A grown-out ginger beard, a tatty hard-front wig and a sweaty leopard catsuit screaming at the seams, in stripper platforms three sizes too small. Georgie fires back by going as the scariest day in history: Titty's birthday, 1981.

Georgie runs through this year's most predicted Halloween costumes, explains why coffee beans glued to your face look like something else entirely, and hosts a very educational game of spooky bedroom role play (mummification, incubus fantasies and the occult), where Titty gets every single answer horribly wrong. Then Titty has discovered Priority Pass and become an airport lounge princess.

In Message in a Bottle, Gary from Grimthorpe's boyfriend only gets in the mood at funerals. Fourteen funerals later, Gary is stuck between a corpse and a hard place. Should he keep it up?

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY MANTRA MATCHA

Super premium ceremonial matcha and six superfood-infused flavours. Get 15% off any product with code UPTHEAFT at https://promocode.to/mantra-matcha-blends-with-benefits/uptheaft-be7

Send us your dilemmas in a message in a bottle: DM us on Instagram @uptheaft or leave us a voicemail: https://rss.com/podcasts/uptheaft/voicemail/

Follow us:

Up The Aft: @uptheaft

Titty Kaka: @titty_kaka

Georgie Porgie: @babesitsgeorgieporgie

Watch us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@uptheaft

Support the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/uptheaft

Until next time, stay salty (and spooky)!

Are you looking for advice? Do you have a saucy story from travelling the globe? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...

Titty's waking up at 10am in New York sounding like Barry White, Georgie's cracking open a full-fat Coke, and we're already arguing about who got the bigger round of applause last week. (It was the live studio audience. Obviously.)

Georgie's checked in with a passport stamp from Tenerife and is about to do eight sea days on a crossing, as a cross-dresser. In What Are You Wearing she's made a sari out of the cabin curtains and the duvet cover, so she can cocoon herself for a nap at any time, and Titty's in a floor-length gown of bodega sandwich foils, pressed by the bodega cat himself, with a neon balaclava and toenails grown into the shape of a LaDuca boot.

In Excess Baggage, Titty makes her aerial straps debut as a rhinestoned can of Baja Blast, Georgie tells us about the iron fanny, the hula hoop and the furry schlong, and the crew group chat delivers the stinkiest poo ever. Plus: why men in Halloween costumes give Georgie the ick, the renaissance of the wired headphone, and Titty's run-in with Donna at the Apple Store.

In Message in a Bottle, Brandy from Battersea can't stop falling for men who look like they've just been released from prison. Does she kick the habit, or keep taking the 781 bus up to visiting hours?

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY MANTRA MATCHA

Super premium ceremonial matcha and six superfood-infused flavours. Get 15% off any product with code UPTHEAFT at https://promocode.to/mantra-matcha-blends-with-benefits/uptheaft-be7

Send us your dilemmas in a message in a bottle: DM us on Instagram @uptheaft or leave us a voicemail: https://rss.com/podcasts/uptheaft/voicemail/

Follow us:

Up The Aft: @uptheaft

Titty Kaka: @titty_kaka

Georgie Porgie: @babesitsgeorgieporgie

Watch us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@uptheaft

Support the show (Diane from Kentucky did, be more like Diane): https://buymeacoffee.com/uptheaft

Until next time, stay salty!

Have you got a saucy story to tell from your time on the High-Seas? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...

Second week back and we've already forgotten how to start a podcast. Titty is hot and bothered in Brooklyn, Georgie is nine hours ahead in Berlin, and somehow we've both had an email from Maria in The Sound of Music.

In Excess Baggage, Titty learns the hard way not to drink the water in Guatemala, Georgie reveals she's the only person alive to GAIN weight on Mounjaro, and a honeymoon in Bali goes very wrong in a glass bathroom.

Send us your dilemmas in a message in a bottle: DM us on Instagram @uptheaft or leave us a voicemail: https://rss.com/podcasts/uptheaft/voicemail/

Follow us on Instagram:

@uptheaft

@titty_kaka

@babesitsgeorgieporgie

Support the show (and buy us name badges): https://buymeacoffee.com/uptheaft

Leave us a five-star review… or a one-star one, and we'll read it out on the show.