The Tom's Talks Podcast is a place where we speak to a vast array of people from different walks of life and find out what makes them them. We will speak about their unique journey and delve into the highs and the lows which ultimately define them.

⚠️ This episode discusses suicide in detail, as well as addiction and grief. If you’re struggling, Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123.

“I’ve got four children. And that’s never going to change.”

Tomorrow marks eleven years since Tom lost his brother Liam to suicide. Tom has spent seven years telling his side of that story. In this episode, he sits down with the people who lived it alongside him: his mum, his sister and his brother.

This is the conversation about suicide bereavement that families rarely get to hear. It covers the guilt, the anger, the things they said and wish they hadn’t, and the long years of loving someone through addiction while being terrified of what might come. It also covers how a family that was nearly pulled apart ended up holding each other together.

Liam was charismatic, hilarious and fiercely loved. He quoted films constantly, gave everyone a nickname and could make a room laugh without trying. He was also in pain. After a serious accident at 16 and years of addiction, the people closest to him were left trying to help someone who couldn’t yet ask for it.

What we get into:
- The memories that still make them laugh: the film quotes, the nicknames, the Mrs. Doubtfire impressions
- Liam as a person, not just the story of how he died
- What it was like to love someone through addiction, and why the family says the drug was never really the problem
- His accident at 16, the long recovery, and the link between brain injury and mental health they only understood years later
- The impossible mix of love and anger, and being embarrassed by someone you’d do anything for
- A mum who was a mental health nurse and still carries the question: “should I have been able to fix him?”
- The funeral, the 500 people who came, and the moments from that week nobody expects to remember
- How each of them grieved differently: pulling over in the woods on the way to work, crying in the gym shower, being afraid to cry in front of each other
- The voicemail she played again and again, and the day she couldn’t remember what his voice sounded like
- “How many children have you got?” The question that still stops a grieving parent in their tracks
- How the next generation keeps Liam in the family, including a little girl who never met him but talks about her uncle all the time
- Why the occasions are harder than the ordinary days
- A poem written ten years on, read for the first time
- Tom on finding purpose in the work he does, and why it’s exhausting being in his own head
- What they’d say to Liam if they had one more day
- Advice for any family in the first year after losing someone to suicide

If someone you love is struggling, the message this family wants you to hear is simple: you’re not a burden, you are loved, and there is always a way through, even when it can’t be seen.

Whether you’ve been bereaved by suicide, are supporting someone who’s struggling, or just want to understand what grief looks like from the inside, this one is for you.

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The Tom's Talks Podcast is a place where we speak to a vast array of people from different walks of life and find out what makes them them. We will speak about their unique journey and delve into the highs and the lows which ultimately define them.

This episode discusses suicide, addiction and mental health. If you're struggling, Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123.

"I don't think anybody wants to really die. I think they want the pain to stop."

At 30, Adam Smith was single, overweight, jobless and back living with his mum and dad. He had been the golden boy of a hospitality career, working 80 hour weeks and drinking a bottle of whiskey on a weekend while still turning up to run the bar. Then he was signed off with depression, his partner left, three family members died in the space of a few weeks, and his employer quietly managed him out.

At his best friend's dad's wake he drank eight pints, said goodbye to his parents thinking it was for the last time, and got in the car intending to crash it. He was doing 100 miles an hour looking for a bridge when his phone rang on the dashboard. It was his mum, calling to ask whether he wanted her to drop his wallet round later.

He pulled into a lay by and cried for five hours. He has not had a drink since, and he now coaches founders and CEOs for a living, having worked with over 500 people in six years.

What we get into:
The compound years in hospitality - 80 hour weeks, drinking after shifts, and the Christmas he could only tell what day it was by how busy the bar was
Being signed off with depression, his partner leaving, and three bereavements in a matter of weeks
The wake, the eight pints, and the drive that was meant to be his last
The phone call that interrupted it, and why he puts it down to dumb luck rather than anything divine
Why he believes nobody actually wants to die, they just want the pain to stop
Giving up alcohol - the flat pint in the Lake District, the 30 days that became 60, and the Christmas he realised he did not need it
The honest reason he drank, which was never really about the drink
The moderation maths, and why "everything in moderation" falls apart the moment you count it
What 20 years of studying human behaviour tells him about why people leave cruel comments online
The Drama Triangle - victim, rescuer, persecutor - and what to say to your kid or your partner instead of "don't be so silly"
The question that defuses almost any argument at home: what do you need from me right now?
Adam coaching Tom live on camera through one of his most powerful exercises, and Tom's reaction straight afterwards

"Have you had enough pain yet?" - the question he asks every client, and why change only comes after the answer is yes

Tom has spoken before about losing his brother Liam, and there is a lot here that will land for anyone who has watched someone they love struggle and not known what to say. Adam is unusually clear about what actually helps, and it is rarely what we reach for first.

An honest conversation about rock bottom, suicide, sobriety, men's mental health, grief and the practical psychology of getting unstuck.

Subscribe to Tom's Talks for a new episode every week.
If you found value in this episode:
👍 Like the video
💬 Comment your biggest takeaway
🔔 Subscribe for weekly conversations that matter

Subscribe for weekly conversations with inspiring guests sharing real stories about resilience, growth and overcoming life’s challenges.

It would mean the world to me if you were to like, comment, subscribe on my videos whilst I share my ongoing journey.

Check out my website: https://toms-talks.co.uk/
Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/toms.talks__/

Proudly sponsored by: https://osiofficefurniture.co.uk/

Support the show

Check out my website: toms-talks.co.uk
Follow me on Instagram: toms.talks__
Follow me on TikTok: tomstalks
Subscribe on YouTube: TomsTalks

The Tom's Talks Podcast is a place where we speak to a vast array of people from different walks of life and find out what makes them them. We will speak about their unique journey and delve into the highs and the lows which ultimately define them.

This episode discusses suicide, addiction and mental health. If you're struggling, Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123.

"When Liam died, all he really needed was somebody to put his arm around him and say: you're not a burden."

For this one we turned the show around. Tom has spent years asking other people the hardest questions of their lives. This time Joe asks them back, and Tom answers every one of them.

Tom's brother Liam was knocked off his scooter at 16 and spent months in hospital, some of it in an induced coma. At 18 the compensation came through. What followed was years of addiction that Tom freely admits he misunderstood completely at the time, because a decade ago nobody was talking about any of this. For a long time he just thought his brother was being selfish. Liam died at 22, and what came next was anger, self blame, and a long stretch of hating the world and himself.

This is the full story behind Tom's Talks, told properly for the first time. At the start of 2024 he had fewer than 10,000 followers. He now has over 600,000, and the whole thing started with one talk in a school and a photo of its final slide.

What we get into:
Liam's accident at 16, the months in hospital, and the compensation that landed when he turned 18
How the addiction took hold, and why Tom spent years believing his brother simply did not care
Liam's death at 22, and the anger and self blame that followed
The first talk he ever gave in a school, and the last slide that ended it: suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
Getting paid to speak for the first time, and the moment he realised this could be a career rather than a mission he funded himself
The man who stopped him outside a club in Leeds at 3am to tell him his videos had saved his life
Becoming a dad to Daisy, the guilt of not being present enough, and what fatherhood has changed in him
Why he spends so little time on social media despite the numbers, and the one rule he has about who to follow
Why "it's okay not to be okay" is only half of it, and what has to come after the talking
The conversation he would still love to have with his brother, and the apology he wants to give him
What he would say to himself the day after Liam died

If you have ever watched someone you love change and not understood why, or lost them before you worked it out, this one will be hard to listen to and worth it anyway. It is an honest conversation about grief, addiction, men's mental health, guilt and what it actually takes to rebuild.

Subscribe to Tom's Talks for a new episode every week.

If you found value in this episode:
👍 Like the video
💬 Comment your biggest takeaway
🔔 Subscribe for weekly conversations that matter

Subscribe for weekly conversations with inspiring guests sharing real stories about resilience, growth and overcoming life’s challenges.

It would mean the world to me if you were to like, comment, subscribe on my videos whilst I share my ongoing journey.

Check out my website: https://toms-talks.co.uk/
Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/toms.talks__/

Proudly sponsored by: https://osiofficefurniture.co.uk/

Support the show

Check out my website: toms-talks.co.uk
Follow me on Instagram: toms.talks__
Follow me on TikTok: tomstalks
Subscribe on YouTube: TomsTalks