This Halloween I'm going as the scariest thing of all: the predictable consequences of my own actions.

Back in the day, they called them "podcasts" because they came out of disgusting, puss-filled pods that fell from outer space. Then the iPod came out and it was much easier to get them that way.

Time travelers from the future keep showing up at my house to prevent me from releasing this episode, saying it destroys podcasting as a medium because it can’t be perfected beyond this point. Too bad.

This podcast is Too Cool For School (It flunked out for being tardy every week)

*flicks a cigarette at you in a cool way to get your attention* Hey kid. Ever heard of a podcast?

I just now realized everyone can see these episodes and listen to them. I need to go make some calls.

If you're looking for the bathroom you came to the wrong place. This is a podcast. It's not a physical location. Yeah, no baby changing station either. That doesn't even make sense.

This episode is actually encoded with a secret message intended for spies in the field, so it’s not supposed to make sense. If you listen to it and actually enjoy it that’s just a coincidence.