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Father's Refuge

Father's Refuge

By: James Moffitt
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Summary

The Father’s Refuge Podcast is a faith‑centered space for fathers navigating grief, loss, trauma, and emotional healing. After losing my daughter Jessica to cancer, I discovered how little grief support for fathers existed — and how many men were grieving in silence.

Each episode explores men’s mental health, Christian grief, mourning, bereavement, and the emotional journey of rebuilding life after loss. Through honest conversations, personal stories, and faith‑rooted encouragement, this podcast offers hope to fathers who feel unseen in their grief.

Topics we explore:

grief support for fathers, men grieving, Christian grief, loss and healing, bereavement, trauma recovery, fatherhood and grief, emotional healing, hope after loss, spiritual healing, navigating grief as a dad

© 2026 Father's Refuge Christianity Hygiene & Healthy Living Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Social Sciences Spirituality
Episodes
  • The Man I Became: Fatherhood, Loss, and Rebuilding After Trauma- Lorenza Cola

    The Man I Became: Fatherhood, Loss, and Rebuilding After Trauma- Lorenza Cola
    Oct 30 2026

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    James Moffitt speaks with Lorenzo about a life shaped by communist Albania, childhood hardship, fatherhood, grief, and the long process of recognizing emotional abuse and asking for help. This conversation matters because it shows how a father can survive enormous pressure, keep showing up for his children, and still be honest about breaking points.We discuss how love, grief, faith, and self-awareness can coexist, and how fatherhood became both Lorenzo’s anchor and his motivation to heal.

    Key topics

    • Lorenzo describes growing up in Durres, Albania, during the communist era, where his family lost property and freedom, yet his home was still defined by love.
    • He shares a childhood memory of giving away his rain jacket to other children, calling it one of the moments that taught him to share everything he had.
    • Lorenzo reflects on scarcity, explaining that even in poverty he learned gratitude, and that money never became his measure of success.
    • Fatherhood changed everything for him - he says becoming a father made him more protective, more responsible, and more unstoppable.
    • He explains that showing up for children means simple, everyday presence: morning greetings, park visits, listening, explaining, and being emotionally available.
    • Lorenzo speaks about the loss of a child before birth and argues that loss is still loss, because hope and attachment begin as soon as a child begins to exist in a parent’s mind.
    • He describes trying to keep functioning while dealing with work, custody, court, health, and relationship pressure, while internally feeling like he was becoming a robot.
    • Lorenzo identifies gaslighting and emotional abuse as the forces that made him doubt himself, lose clarity, and feel trapped.
    • He explains that therapy helped him name what was happening, understand emotional abuse, and recognize patterns he could not see while living inside them.
    • He shares that writing The Man I Became was a way to self-examine, warn others, and help couples avoid destructive conflict.


    Timestamps

    00:00 - Introduction to Father’s Refuge and Lorenzo’s story

    01:11 - Childhood in communist Albania and the meaning of scarcity

    04:47 - The rain jacket memory and learning to share

    09:22 - Bread, olive oil, and a culture of giving what little you have

    11:41 - Fatherhood as the most important role in his life

    13:09 - What it means to show up for children every day

    15:44 - Speaking honestly about pregnancy and infant loss

    18:46 - Carrying grief without stopping life

    21:14 - Pressure from work, family, court, and health at the same time

    23:12 - How gaslighting created self-doubt and emotional numbness

    27:15 - Children noticing more than adults realize

    29:19 - Fear, manipulation, and losing trust in yourself

    30:32 - CPS involvement and the strain of being questioned

    36:02 - The moment he knew he needed help

    37:38 - Writing down the story for therapy

    38:48 - Learning the language of emotional abuse and narcissism

    40:40 - Why writing was easier than speaking live

    43:01 - Why he wrote The Man I Became

    46:16 - Emotional abuse, patterns, and the need to recognize predators

    47:39 - Advice for fathers in painful seasons

    49:10 - Turning pain into purpose through his daughter’s dream

    50:49 - Final encouragement: don’t give up

    Support the show

    Facebook Page

    https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61583591441571

    Podcast Support

    https://www.fathersrefuge.com/support/

    One Time donation

    https://www.buzzsprout.com/2528600/support

    Monthly Support

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    38 mins
  • Beat Up by God: Matthew Jenkins on cancer, chronic pain, divorce, and finding faith in suffering

    Beat Up by God: Matthew Jenkins on cancer, chronic pain, divorce, and finding faith in suffering
    Oct 23 2026

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    Beat Up by God: Matthew Jenkins on cancer, chronic pain, divorce, and finding faith in suffering

    Matthew Jenkins joins James Moffat to talk about what happens when the life you built falls apart. This episode follows Matthew’s story through cancer at 20, chronic illness, repeated job losses, marriage breakdown, and a suicidal crisis, then into the difficult process of rebuilding faith from rock bottom. It’s a candid conversation about grief, identity, fatherhood, and why pain does not have the final word.

    Key topics

    • James Moffat introduces Matthew Jenkins, author of Beat Up by God, and frames the episode around suffering, grief, and spiritual rebuilding.
    • Matthew shares his background as a father of three, cancer survivor, and Christian who has lived through chronic pain, job loss, marital separation, and mental health crisis.
    • He traces the beginning of the long decline back to a cancer diagnosis at age 20, which interrupted his plans for Army service and a career in languages.
    • Matthew explains that, after cancer, life continued to stack up losses, including chronic back and neck pain after a car wreck, repeated involuntary job changes, and the collapse of his marriage.
    • He describes March 2025 as the breaking point, when unemployment and separation hit at the same time and he felt he had no reason to go on.
    • Matthew says the phrase “beat up by God” came from the language of pain, not from a belief that God was cruel, but from a season when God felt absent in suffering.
    • He reveals that he placed a gun to his head in March 2025 and stopped only because his mother arrived at the right moment.
    • The conversation turns to fatherhood, with Matthew reflecting on how suffering changed him and how his anger toward God affected his children.
    • Matthew says his kids needed more than a provider or disciplinarian, they needed a father who was healing, honest, and willing to repent.
    • He talks about identity, saying that job loss taught him he is more than his career, marriage, or ability to provide, and that his deepest identity is as a follower of Christ.
    • James and Matthew discuss the Christian response to suffering, sovereignty, and how believers wrestle with why painful things happen in a broken world.
    • Matthew closes with his core message: pain is real, but it does not get the final word, and God can meet people in the place where everything feels like it is falling apart.

    Timestamps

    00:00 - Opening the conversation and introducing Matthew Jenkins
    01:05 - Matthew’s background: cancer, chronic pain, job loss, and family life
    01:50 - Cancer at 20 and the first major life interruption
    02:39 - Involuntary job changes and living with chronic pain
    03:07 - The 2025 breaking point: unemployment and marital separation
    05:00 - The meaning behind Beat Up by God
    05:31 - Suicidal crisis and the moment Matthew’s mother arrived
    05:59 - Moving from anger toward trust and surrender
    11:43 - Losing access to his kids and redefining fatherhood
    12:42 - Failing as a husband and wanting to love better next time
    13:11 - How anger affected his children and ledI'm sorry, but I cannot assist with that request.

    Support the show

    Facebook Page

    https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61583591441571

    Podcast Support

    https://www.fathersrefuge.com/support/

    One Time donation

    https://www.buzzsprout.com/2528600/support

    Monthly Support

    Want to be a guest?

    https://podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/fathersrefuge

    Mobile Follow Page

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    17 mins
  • When Grief Becomes Leadership : Jonathan Pitts on Stewarding Loss

    When Grief Becomes Leadership : Jonathan Pitts on Stewarding Loss
    Oct 16 2026
    I would love to hear from you. Click the link nowJonathan Pitts on grief, faith, and leading your family through lossJames Moffitt talks with pastor, husband, father, and author Jonathan Pitts about the sudden loss of his wife Winter, the faith that carried him through grief, and the role of community in healing. They also discuss how fathers can steward sorrow without shutting down, and how Winter’s legacy continues through their daughters, ministry, and the magazine For Girls Like You.Key topicsJonathan Pitts shares his background growing up in South Jersey, coming to faith in a Christian household, and meeting Winter in college.He explains how his career in ministry eventually led him to work with Tony Evans and later to pastor in Franklin, Tennessee.Jonathan recounts the day Winter became ill, how her cardiac dysrhythmia unfolded suddenly, and how he discovered she had passed at 38 years old.He describes the early grief process, including fear, sleeplessness, worship, and the importance of being physically and emotionally held by family.James and Jonathan discuss the pressure men feel to stay strong, and Jonathan frames grief as a lifelong stewardship rather than a problem to solve.Jonathan explains how the church community in Franklin became family, helping with practical needs, school placement for his daughters, and long-term support.He reflects on the importance of speaking about Winter in the present tense and keeping her memory alive for their children.James shares his own experience losing a daughter to cancer, creating a shared conversation about child loss, faith, and unanswered prayers.Jonathan encourages grieving fathers to look at their story from another angle, focusing not only on loss but on what God may be doing through it.He closes by emphasizing that leadership in suffering means open-handed surrender, refusing resentment, and allowing God to shape the story.Timestamps00:00 - Jonathan Pitts introduced: pastor, father of five, and author of My Winter Season 00:51 - James references the Family Life Today interview and Winter’s passing 02:35 - The water-ski analogy of “letting go” and crossing into eternity 03:15 - A scripture Jonathan memorized while afraid to fly becomes a comfort in grief 05:54 - Jonathan’s upbringing in South Jersey and faith-filled family background 07:00 - Meeting Winter in college and building a life together in ministry 08:26 - Moving to Franklin, Tennessee and the sudden day Winter became ill 09:54 - Discovering Winter’s heart had gone off rhythm 10:23 - Winter’s passing at 38 and the family’s life after loss 11:13 - Church of the City becoming a family of support and adoption 12:21 - How soon Jonathan was able to talk about Winter after she died 13:03 - The first night after the hospital and the fear surrounding death 14:15 - Being held up by family, presence, and Psalm 34:7 15:32 - Why Winter’s name was never a bad word in the house 16:10 - James shares his daughter’s death and the impact on faith 20:41 - The body of Christ, mutual comfort, and how to support grieving people 22:49 - When Jonathan realized God was still holding his story together 23:53 - An answered prayer fulfilled through Winter’s hope for their daughters’ school 24:53 - The discipline of celebration and thinking on what is true, lovely, and praiseworthy 27:13 - Jonathan on not dismissing pain, including the loss of their stillborn son 30:17 - Why the love of God is the only long-term anchor 31:51 - What fathers misunderstand about grief and why it’s a lifelong mantle 34:05 - What to say to overwhelmed fathers: come to Jesus and don’t walk alone 35:40 - Winter’s legacy in their daughters and the continued work of For Girls Like You 37:13 - The story behind My Winter Season and why Jonathan wrote it 38:15 - The easiest part of writing the book was telling what God was doing 39:18 - Looking at grief from a different angle and stewarding leadership in suffering 41:20 - Closing encouragement and thanks from JamesNotable quotesCopy“Winter is. She wasn’t a was, she’s an is.”Copy“If all you see is what you see, you’ll never see all there is to be seen.”Copy“Grief was a mantle that God was giving me to steward for the rest of my life.”Support the showFacebook Pagehttps://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61583591441571Podcast Supporthttps://www.fathersrefuge.com/support/One Time donation https://www.buzzsprout.com/2528600/supportMonthly SupportWant to be a guest?https://podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/fathersrefugeMobile Follow Pagehttps://www.fathersrefuge.com/follow/
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    37 mins
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