When I First Held You cover art

When I First Held You

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About this listen

Silence tore them apart. Can the truth bring them back together?

"Marvellous”—Lesley Pearse

"A hauntingly beautiful novel"—Imogen Clark

"Gripping, heart rending and extremely satisfying”—Katie Fforde

In 1960s Glasgow, anti-nuclear activists Judith and Jimmy fall in love. But their future hopes are dashed when their protestors’ squat is raided and many, including Jimmy, are sent to prison. Pregnant and with no word from Jimmy, Judith is forced to enter an unmarried mothers’ home, give up their baby and learn to live with her grief.

More than half a century later, Judith’s Mending Shop restores broken treasures, just as Judith herself has been bound back together by her late, much-missed partner, Catherine. But her tranquillity is shattered when Jimmy—so different and yet somehow the same—reappears, yearning to unpick the painful past.

Realising they each know only half of the other’s story, Jimmy and Judith finally break the silence that tore apart what might have been their family. Amid heartbreak and hope, how much can now be mended?

©2023 Anstey Harris. (P)2022 Brilliance Publishing, Inc., all rights reserved. Coming of Age Fiction Genre Fiction Women's Fiction Heartfelt

Critic reviews

“[Billie] Fulford-Brown skillfully communicates Ruby’s fear of the unknown and her mixed feelings—guilt, excitement, and wariness—as she seeks out her biological relatives. Helen Lloyd gives voice to Judith, conveying her confusion about her sexuality and her wrenching grief at losing her child. The pacing is leisurely, allowing listeners time to become fully invested in the characters’ stories.”—Library Journal

“This profound story of loss delivers an emotional gut punch but also displays human resilience. Recommended for fans of Jodi Picoult.”—Library Journal (starred review)

“It is brilliantly written, so many brilliant phrases which made me smile…I shall keep my fingers crossed that it is a huge hit. It ought to be, it’s marvellous. I shall be recommending it to all.”—Lesley Pearse, #1 bestselling author of The Woman in the Wood
All stars
Most relevant
As an adoptee it is so beautiful to see the love and heartbreak of a birth mother expressed and the injustice so many women faced by having their babies forcibly adopted, mine included. Thank you for telling this story

Heartbreakingly beautiful

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This book has me rooting for the two main characters throughout .
It is very evocative of the era and I loved the developing relationship between Judith and Ruby
It’s a story that definitely needed telling and I thoroughly enjoyed it
Even though some of the narrations and accents (not by the main narrator ) were a little jarring .

An emotional engaging story

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Thaïs book os a bit hard to get into but once you ils quite rea dable

Good

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Unfettered joy.
Anstey’s latest book is sublime, and I feel her best yet. I laughed out loud at times and sobbed in public. Sat on a beach and shouted “No!” I loved every sentence.
This story must be told and retold, just as it has been lived and relived by hundreds of thousands of women.

A breathtaking story of what it means to love

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This is my second read/listen of Anstey Harris…. There will be many more. Both have been utterly brilliant, Such a touching, heartwarming story with a real edge to it, no schmolz….I am recommending to all my friends and fellow readers 🥰

Utterly Exquisite

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