Great principles for living, BUT a word of caution

Overall I LOVED the principles of this book. In my lifetime of studying relationships, communication, and the like and this book really is the creme de la creme of getting to the underlying principles of it all in my opinion. BUT there is a few things I disagree highly with the author on. I do agree with his underlying premise - at the heart of it all REAL love is what we all need, and really is at the root of things. HOWEVER, I have issue with how he suggests applying that principle in sexual situations, marriage as the ultimate commitment, and staying in toxic and abusive relationships.

In terms of how he deals with sexual situations: I feel the author was overly simplistic, had tones of religious views and did not address the complexities of how our biological and psychological sexual needs play into our need for real love. I completely understand the principle - people use sex as a means of imitation love. They offer themselves as objects to be used, and then when they feel how used they are, the devastation can be horrific. I've seen this up close and personal. The solution IS for the person to feel Real Love, which will deter them seeking for 'love in all the wrong places' so to speak. BUT, the author's solution of complete abstinence before marriage to solve that problem does not acknowledge that sex can be healthy when partners do feel Real Love, even in committed (or non-committed, but consensual) relationships outside of marriage. Sexual compatibility is something that should be discussed in a healthy way, and one can only talk so much without experiencing sexual communication in a sexual relationship. Real Love will of course help partners communicate without anger and disappointment, but it does a disservice to a couple to think that because they experience Real Love, sexual satisfaction will just 'poof' naturally happen. So my caution is to understand the principle, but learn how to use good principles of healthy consensual sexual communication, no matter if you are married or not. Personally I have experienced some VERY healthy sexual relationships outside of marriage that helped me to feel Real Love as well as learn about myself sexually and learn how to incorporate healthy sexual communication in relationships on a whole.

Which also brings up the issue with marriage: Again, I understand the principle he is aiming to get across. Having a commitment to someone, and especially in the form of a legal marriage, is a strong tie that can bind a relationship together. And sometimes that commitment can pull a couple through hard times. However, it's okay to be on a spectrum of commitment as you learn and grow in a relationship. It doesn't have to be so black and white. You can be in a committed relationship and experience and show Real Love. Such black and white thinking leaves out many wonderful opportunities for relationships that people can (and do) experience. Marriage doesn't have to be the end-all be-all benchmark of a fully committed Real Love relationship. Do what is best for you.

Lastly, the author's advice in terms of whether to leave toxic and abusive relationships was also overly simplistic and may encourage people to stay in situations that would cause real harm. The ironic thing is, most people stay in toxic and abusive (both physically AND emotionally) abusive relationships because they don't feel Real Love themselves. Once a person is able to feel Real Love, they have the self worth and confidence to leave. The author acknowledged physical and emotional abuse, BUT then ended that section saying that some people should stay in a non-loving relationship, even if the other person never loves you back -- EVER. THAT QUALIFIES AS EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE. And NO ONE should stay in any relationship where they have to constantly sacrifice their own happiness while trying to give love to another. That seems to be contrary to the author's own premise: our primary responsibility is to fill ourselves with Real Love.

I still LOVED this book. And it has changed so much of how I view and act in my relationships. If you keep the principle in mind, but are cautious and aware of how that principle should be applied in your own life in the areas of sex, commitment/marriage, and whether to stay or leave harmful situations, then I believe this book will be a wonderful addition to your self-help library.

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Remembering the truest of true

Definitely the book I needed to help me remember that I find Real Live in Al-Anon meetings. So, it helped me regain my balance & stability through knowing where to get my need met. Great book. Lots of wisdom.

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Life Changing

This author has the insights I have been looking for. Finally the counsel I need!

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Great Book!

This is a good book. Some of the information in this book I found hard to listen to and even diagreeing. But what this book did was reveal my weaknesses to me. Some I did not know I had. This book is good for marriages, couples, parent/child relationships and loving oneself.

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This book changed me

Changed my whole outlook on my relationships! An absolute must!! So many gems in this book I highly recommend!

Real Awesome!

Courage required to listen to the end. It is potentially life changing. I stress "potentially" due to the fact that one must apply the wisdom within. To overturn one's base nature (selfishness) is the challenge, but the rewards of healthy self‐love and healthy love for others warrant acceptance of the challenge. True peace should follow. Bravo! Both content and narration are stellar!

Great!

Loved it. Changed my perspective on love and showed me how to change to be more loving.

Amazing!

Truly an eye opener! I sorely needed this perspective to get a new handle on old relationships issues. Now I understand my own responsibilities and feel empowered to change things.

This is by far the best relationship book I have ever read.

This book takes all the great books on relationships (5 love languages, men from mars..., and so many others) and lays out the foundation of success in relationships so simply it is mind blowing. As a relationship coach, I have all my clients read it before we work together and lives are changed!

A MUST read for anyone wanting happiness in relationships!!

This information is fascinating, accurate, and so true! It makes sense and provides great insight and helpful tips how to apply the information, when, and why. It’s a must read for anyone serious about creating a space for genuine happiness in relationships.