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Summary

Ever wanted to know what it is really like being a Premiership footballer?

Here is the ultimate guide from the much loved everyman of English football, Peter Crouch.

Towering at six feet seven inches, Crouch is prized for his self-deprecating humour, having famously answered the question “what would you be if you weren’t a footballer?” with the one liner “a virgin”. At the same time, he has had an incredible career, from World Cups to Champions League finals. He has scored more headed goals than anyone else in Premiership history and has a better goals-to-minute on the pitch ratio for England than even Michael Owen. A humble professional with a great sense of humour, Crouch is one of the few players that is liked by fans of all clubs. Of course, this is probably because he’s played for most of them.

Now nearing the end of his stellar career, he shares everything he has learnt and tells it exactly like it is in How to be a Footballer, from the most colourful aspects of the game to what really happens on and off the pitch. Honest, candid and great company, this is not your standard footballer autobiography but a true insider’s guide to our favourite sport.

From a legend of English football, this is the most entertaining sports book of the year.

©2018 Peter Crouch (P)2018 Random House Audiobooks

Audible Sessions with Peter Crouch

Meet the author of How to Be a Footballer
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Critic reviews

"The funniest man in British sport." (Metro

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Best footy book I’ve read in ages

Really enjoyed this! It offers a different insight into the crazy footballing world and Crouchy is the perfect tour guide to take you on that adventure!

Well written, well read, just good fun!

Nice swan Crouchy laaaa

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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Stunning

What a brilliant book. Perfect accompaniment to That Peter Crouch Podcast. Great to hear Peter laughing while reading some of the anecdotes. Highly recommended

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An Everton fan interested in football

This was an absolute pleasure to listen to, really insightful and allows you to see past the stereotypical “football” persona.
A must read for any football fan.

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Enjoyable Indeed

Peter comes across as a really nice funny and warm guy, but doesn’t hold back on criticising knackers, all apprentices should read the book as it’s actually a guide to a footballers career, it can fold into any apprenticeship as dos and don’ts of being young, then gaining experience and respect of your workmates, well done Peter enjoyable indeed

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loved it

good listen even if you don't love football it's an interesting listen. partner loved it

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Crouch crashes in an unexpected crackerjack of voluble volleys

A warm-hearted, insightful and witty goal mouth scramble through the experiences of a modern premiership footballer. He’s not afraid to name the culprits, but its done without malice. Laugh out loud in places. An articulate narrator who’s future career as a writer and pundit already feels assured.

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Amazing

Absolutely brilliant , one of the best football related books I've listened to in years!

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It’s not all about the Robot

Okay so this isn’t Pulitzer or Booker material but it is a very enjoyable book. Having Peter read it himself has really added to my enjoyment and while a fan of a different club, can see how the Footballer he use to summarise the areas he covers, encapsulates the good things that make a footballer. Additionally his performance compares favourably with some of the well known people I’ve listened to read other books.
Highly recommended to all football fans.

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Not too shabby

A good listen, and does give some insight into the football world. But, not as much detail on the major subjects, and lots of detail on things like music and dancing.
Still, no regrets in purchasing.

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Funny and brilliant

Loved every chapter. what a guy and what a player. Really impressed with his narration