Have you ever met someone whose entire life mission was to get under your skin?

A high school bully, perhaps? A work colleague that just can't buy a f--king clue? Your shithead next door neighbor who revs his engine at all hours of the night?

Now imagine, for a moment, that pain in the ass follows you to your new home on a Caribbean island and continues to poke and poke and poke until you fucking explode.

You'd wanna retaliate, right?

Yeah. Me, too.

But this didn't happen to me. It happened to my boss, Artie Balladares. Poor f--ker. And it couldn't have happened at a worse time.

What time was that, you ask? Well, let’s just say he was focused on bigger, more voluptuous matters. Now, I'm not gonna ruin the story and tell you everything that went down, but as head of security at Artie's Caribbean resort, it was my job to protect him at all costs. And I was prepared to do just that. Even if that meant sleeping with the enemy.

Come on! You guys know me. I'm always willing to take one for the team. I mean, make love, not war, right?

Right.

So, here we go. If you wanna know what went down, then follow me Daniel Terrence Drunk and my octogenarian best buddy Al, on another wild and crazy ride.

Rated R for colorful language, crude humor, sexual innuendos, and the occasional non-PC remark. Rated A+ for entertainment value.

Oh, and one more thing. While I’m not one of those people who’ll tell you what to do with your life or anything, I will say if you haven’t read/listened to Drunk on a Plane, Drunk on a Boat, or Drunk Driving, you might wanna start there. You’d find this story a lot more entertaining if you did. That said, this story can stand on its own two feet if required to do so.