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Summary

Silas

My home is my sanctuary. Or is it my prison? Some days it's hard to tell.

I've confined myself behind these walls for protection. I have my reasons, but that doesn't change the profound loneliness I've discovered in the process.

Then one day I find myself drifting toward the window to see him. Corey Marshall, my new neighbor. Quiet, reserved, and cute as can be. He infects my thoughts, becomes the image I fantasize about.

I want to taste his lips, smell his scent...feel what it's like to be inside him.

And soon, watching becomes exchanging gifts and messages, which becomes so much more.

It's wrong to want this as badly as I do, but I can't help myself. I crave him so desperately. It's hard to tell if what we're doing is going to make me lose my mind or change my entire world, but it's too late to turn back now....

Corey

I've never been quite right. Too high or too low. Pain is my constant companion...at the hands of my abusive ex, and often from myself. The sweet relief is only temporary, but in those moments, it's like I can finally breathe.

Then I meet him. Silas Rizner calms the chaotic storms inside me. He makes me feel loved, treasured, even when I don't deserve it. I cherish the moments we share - cooking, cuddling, and when Silas reads to me until I fall asleep. When he's inside me, it's the only time in my life I've ever felt complete.

Silas becomes the glue that holds me together, that bandages my scars. Inside the walls of his home, we're almost safe, but our demons are always there, waiting to break free.

We're a mess. We're broken, chaotic, beautiful; we're in love. 

But not even love can slay our monsters. No, only we can do that.

Unless our monsters destroy us first.

TRIGGERS: Self-harm, depression, anxiety, mentions of past domestic violence.

*While the sexual situations depicted in Beautiful Chaos are imperative to the characters' development throughout the course of the novel, listeners are advised to hear the "Dear Reader" letter at the beginning of the book to help them make an informed decision about whether this particular story will be to their tastes.

©2018 Devon McCormack, Riley Hart (P)2018 Devon McCormack, Riley Hart

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Profile Image for Patrick Gallanger
  • Patrick Gallanger
  • 21-11-18

Dark, but powerful

I am really glad there was a pro-log on this book it helped setup the situation. The characters are amazing and the story was almost over powering. Very well done to Devon, Riley, and of course Michael.

10 people found this helpful

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  • ILoveBooksSue
  • 04-12-18

Oh my broken heart!

This book...my heart broke for these 2 beautiful, broken men. The intense trauma both of them survived to then be able to find each other...breathtaking! Michael Pauley always delivers a stellar performance. I'm telling everyone how much I loved this book❤❤❤

6 people found this helpful

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Profile Image for Janice Jarrell
  • Janice Jarrell
  • 11-04-19

DEADLY DARK AND INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL!! A MUST READ

OK, let me just say up front that the trigger warnings offered by the authors should most definitely be heeded. This is a dark book about two men who have suffered tremendously and who, at this point in their lives, find themselves alone and nearly friendless. Left to face the internal consequences of their wounded past and the dark, self-medicating behaviors which flow from the devastating injuries they’ve suffered in lonely isolation until, by the most unexpected of occurrences they happen to find each other.

This book is achingly intimate. Every step these men take toward each other and toward the love and healing their relationship could provide is tentative. You hold your breath every time they communicate, knowing that this tenuous connection could be so easily shatter. Yet with every slow and careful step you can feel these two men taking one, tiny step closer to the healing each so desperately needs.

I was fascinated by Cory and Silas. My heart ached for them. And I found myself more eager to hear their story unfold with each and every page. I was rooting for them. Cheering every time their relationship took even one more tiny step forward. Wanting it go faster! Wanting their defensive walls to fall so they both could embrace the healing love that each offered.

Parts of this book (I listened to the Audible version) were hard to hear. The violence these men suffered in their past created a self-loathing that played itself out in self-harming behavior. But I could almost feel the healing touch their minds, their hearts, and their souls, as Devon McCormack and Riley Hart brilliantly lead us forward in Cory and Silas’ lives. We see deep into their pain. We see deep into their hope. And as they leave their fear behind and move, together, into a brighter, happier world, we see their healing.

Intense does not begin to describe it. Passionate is too small a word. This book overflows with both. But it will also touch your heart with hope, compassion, joy, and relief as you move with these two extraordinary men, into a new future, one created by the love they share.

The narration does full justice to this amazing story.  Congratulations to Devon McCormack, Riley Hart, and narrator Michael Pauley, for penning this extraordinary work. 

5 people found this helpful

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  • Kathy Morris
  • 02-12-18

Amazing

I was a little worried about listening to this book but I know Devon and Riley and I figured if they wrote it, it had to be awesome. They did not fail me. I loved this book so much. It's amazing, beautiful, heartfelt, sad, happy, and a tear jerker . I loved the way they communicated in the beginning. Notes. I'm not sure which one is my favorite. I love them both. I love the way Silas took care of Corey, even though he was battling his own demons.
Michael Pauley did an amazing job narrating this beautiful book. Thank you Riley, Devon and Michael.
This book needs to be in everyone's Audio library but take the warning in the beginning of the book seriously.

5 people found this helpful

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  • Wild Pig
  • 29-11-18

Woa! Wow and Woa! This took me by surprise...

Devon/Riley, the preface basically tried to prepare me for a powerful story and by God you delivered one. The depth of emotion and the descriptions of thoughts, feelings, actions...wow...it's an amazing experience when a story gets right down into the bone. Thank you for that.

Michael, kudos for your excellent performance. I saw those boys in every word you spoke. I could hear their misery, their mental illness, their joy, their love, their lust.

Listener, gird your loins. This has those moments when I literally would get bug eyed and look up from whatever I was doing and it would stop me dead in my tracks. It brought fear, tears, joy, all of it. I even had to turn it off a few times because I had to process the story. These authors have brought us a novel with intensity and purpose. They bring us right into Beautiful Chaos.

5 people found this helpful

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  • BW
  • 03-12-20

I applaud the authors!

I originally purchased this as a Kindle book. I still have it and have read it more than once. I was excited to see it listed on Audible and to my hearts satisfaction I was not let down at all!

These two were able to show case the tragic issues of 2 men, bring them together to help start their healing. It was beautiful, it was chaos, it was a beautiful chaos! They were able to capture the thoughts and feeling of these two individual men like if it were a perfect storm. I could identify with them, and the feeling that made me feel someone finally understood me.

I will say if you have trigger points, this book is not for you at all. i luckily, do not have those trigger points in my life, but can identify with each character, the stories the feelings, the insecurities. Devon McCormack and Riley Hart, you deserve a standing ovation for this one! Well done!

The narrator: It was like a love/hate relationship through the entire book. I wanted to hate it, but then he did a scene that showcased the power of his voice. The climbing drama, fast paced dialog, the heartfelt breaths... the control ... my heart would race... my mind would was hanging on every word as his voice rose and fell with each climax of the story line.. and when we were back to the normal I was in awe of the way he controlled the story. I sat back in awe... my own body breathless and feeling like I had been through it with the character.

Then we were back to the normal dialog... and I wanted to love it... but his voice seemed almost weak. At times the warble that he has almost made it sound robotic, like when you use a computer generated voice to do the reading for you. The voice did not showcase the beautiful masculinity of the cover picture or even the strong domineering person that took control and dominated men during the video sessions or even when the 2 characters got together in the sexual scenes. He felt weak, he felt whimpy, he felt flat. There was that thing in his voice that kept me going, hanging on for the next dramatic pick me up that left me breathless.

I am not sure if it just the few that I have read, since I don't read many gay books between men, but I do occasionally dip my toes in Kindle books, but the samples and the couple books I have tried here on Audible the men seem... (I don't want to offend anyone, as it is not my intension to do so) but they seem obviously gay, flamboyant? Maybe that is a better word. I would have loved to have heard this book done with a more manly type style, but then I guess I would have really missed out on the power and control Michael Dean has over his voice.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Xzaiver
  • 09-09-20

Definitely an Emotional Read

I'll start off with saying that, I am not the kind of person who usually writes review for a book unless I'm really enthralled in it , and this is definitely a story that is a solid one!

I honestly think this is the type of book If you're looking for characters to really root for and fall in love with , you found a great piece of literature to listen to. I think the respect and care the authors give the characters is outstanding, and it makes you question how you interact with those dealing with mental illnesses around you and if you're checking in enough.

10 out of 10 recommend as read, but be ready for an actual story with substance!

1 person found this helpful

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  • Aerielle
  • 04-08-19

Tragically beautiful story

Oh man this story!!! Both of these men have gone through so much!! It’s heart wrenching but their journey towards healing was a beautiful story.
Michael pauley did a fantastic job like always.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Teressa R.
  • 31-01-19

Awesome

This story was sad, hopeful and endearing. I would read it again. i lovec it.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Michael
  • 30-01-19

One of the best books I have heard

This book had a good subject matter was written with great research care, and understanding. One of the best books I have read

1 person found this helpful