When something goes wrong and it’s clearly someone else’s fault, blame feels like the truth. But blame has a cost. It leaves you feeling like a victim, stuck and powerless, waiting for the other person to change. This episode is about one question that moves you out of that place without pretending the other person did nothing wrong: how have I created this?

In this episode:

• Why “how have I created this?” has nothing to do with fault or blame, and why it sounds unfair the first time you hear it.
• A personal story about losing a place on a coaching programme, and what honest reflection showed about hesitating over big commitments.
• How a client changed conversations she’d come to dread by noticing she went into them braced for a battle. Asking the question didn’t make her responsible for her husband’s behaviour. In the end she decided she’d had enough.
• Why blame keeps you powerless, and why looking at your own contribution gives you agency in any situation.
• Why you are always creating your experience, even when someone else is behaving badly.

The reframe: You aren’t responsible for everything that happens to you. But there’s always something you bring to it, and that’s the part you can change.

If you feel stuck in a situation that seems unfair, and you’re tired of waiting for someone else to change, this one is for you.