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Some losses arrive suddenly. This one is arriving in slow motion.

My guest has been on the podcast twice before: in episode 39, on grieving a father when the relationship was difficult, and in episode 97, on the trauma of the California wildfires. This time she returns with a breast cancer diagnosis and a double mastectomy scheduled for one week after we recorded.

We talk about grieving something before it is gone: the week before surgery, the part of her body she is saying goodbye to, and the version of herself she may already be mourning. We compare this grief with the loss of her father and the fires, and look at control and her two daughters.

"It will be hard for me to receive help, but I'm up to learning it."

Who this is for: Anyone facing a mastectomy or newly diagnosed with breast cancer, and the partners, family, friends and professionals who support them.

In this episode

• Anticipatory grief before a double mastectomy
• Saying goodbye to part of your body, and to a version of yourself
• Father, fires, body: how this loss compares
• Control and agency after a diagnosis
• Parenting two daughters through breast cancer
• Kind words that land badly, and what helps instead

About our guest

Tori Press is an artist, author, self-love advocate, therapy enthusiast and, as she describes herself, a highly anxious human being. A former graphic designer, she began drawing in 2016 and shares her work as @revelatori. She is the author of How to Feel Better, and I Am Definitely, Probably Enough (I Think). She lives in Los Angeles with her family.

Tori's links: revelatori.com | instagram.com/revelatori

Related episodes:

• 39 When Grieving Dad Equals the Loss of a Challenging Relationship (Tori Press)
• 97 California Wildfires: Loss and Trauma in the Face of Natural Disaster (Tori Press)
• 206 Breast Cancer Awareness Month: The Hidden Grief and Trauma of Breast Cancer
• 111 Anticipatory Grief, 134 Identity-related Grief, 171 Medical and Birth Trauma

Support lines:

• Switzerland, KrebsInfo 0800 11 88 11
• Germany, Krebsinformationsdienst 0800 420 30 40
• UK, Breast Cancer Now 0808 800 6000
• USA, American Cancer Society 1-800-227-2345 (24/7)
• Australia, Cancer Council 13 11 20

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