The Leopard in My House cover art

The Leopard in My House

One man’s adventures in cancerland

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The Leopard in My House

By: Mark Steel
Narrated by: Mark Steel
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About this listen

Brought to you by Penguin.

‘I feel like there’s a leopard in my house, locked in a room. I’ve contacted the leopard authorities and they assure me they are used to dealing with leopards like this, and they have a plan for removing the leopard. It will take a while, though, and once in a while I can hear it growl.

And that’s all very reassuring. Even so, several times a day I think to myself: “Hang on, there’s a leopard in my house.”'

One morning, while shaving, the comedian Mark Steel noticed that one side of his neck seemed larger than the other. After a whistlestop tour of assorted medical professionals, a consultant delivered the ominous words that would define the next months of his life: ‘I’m afraid it’s not good news, Mr Steel’.
And so began a journey into the heart of the NHS, as he embarked on the long and uncertain road to cancer recovery via a range of mildly torturous and entirely miraculous treatments. What, if anything, might he learn about himself – and our capacity for coping with life when times get tough – as he becomes part of a club that one in two British people will ultimately join?
A frank and funny diary of one man’s rather trying year, this is an unforgettable and uplifting story of getting ill, getting on with it, and getting better.

©2025 Mark Steel (P)2025 Penguin Audio
Cancer Medical Physical Illness & Disease Professionals & Academics Funny Inspiring Witty Heartfelt Thought-Provoking Feel-Good

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Critic reviews

Just like you might bet he would, Mark Steel has given us a deep, personal, clever, witty, painful and hilarious book. His eye lingers on details of the past, present and a possible future, taking us all the way to an answer for 'what's the bloody point anyway?' He shows (not tells) that the answer might be to live and feel life the way he does. Thanks Mark Steel. (Michael Rosen, author of 'Getting Better')
Funny, moving, wise and then very funny again. It’s also a very spiritual and philosophical book for a foul-mouthed atheist from Swanley. Final score; Cancer: 1, Mark Steel: 5. (John O'Farrell, author of 'Family Politics')
All stars
Most relevant
I have heard many of his podcasts so was aware of what he was going through but this explains in much more detail. If it happens to me I hope I am as stoic. Up the Palace too. 🦅

Mark Steel & Throat Cancer

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How the hell is a book about having Cancer SO, SOOOO, funny? Listened all the way home from Bristol to Norwich and I have never EVER laughed AND cried so much in a single day! What an incredible book!! 11 out of 10 minimum!

Every cancer patient and EVERY cancer Doctor/Nurse/Receptionist should get a copy on the NHS

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An honest, amazingly humorous and entertaining account of what was obviously a very difficult time….thanks for sharing Mark

So pleased you survived to tell the tale!!

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I'm a huge fan of Mark Steel, eloquent, passionate, intelligent and extremely funny. This is a book written on a serious subject, but written with humour, affection and honesty.
I listened to this in one sitting, I will definitely listen to it again. Stay Healthy Mark! 🙂

An Thoroughly Enjoyable Read

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A moving autobiographical account of Mark Steel’s experience of cancer.
I already admired this man for his wit and his take on politics and the absurdities of life, and this book served to emphasise all his best qualities.
Well written and, if you go for the audible version as I did, very well read by the author himself.
I am so glad he is doing well - and I am so pleased that he and Ms Khorsandi found each other.

Moving, honest and endearingly funny

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