I’m Not as Well as I Thought I Was cover art

I’m Not as Well as I Thought I Was

The Sunday Times Bestseller

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About this listen

Brought to you by Penguin.

Dear Reader,

Checking into a mental clinic wasn't exactly on my radar in 2022. Writing about it wasn't either. But here we are.

I spent a lifetime trying to create a 'front' to give everyone the illusion that all is well. It wasn't, and it isn't. Now I look back and I think, 'what the f*ck was that all about?'

I began the book trying to find meaning by going on various, life-changing journeys, I ended up in a mental clinic; obviously things didn't work out the way I expected. This is the story of what happened after the mental car crash . . . From then on, the journey had to turn inward. It turns out I wasn't looking for meaning, I was looking for home.

I'm not a fiction writer. I can't fake it. I could say I rode into the sunset, but life isn't like that unless you're a cowboy. Truth is I'm not as well as I thought I was.

These days, trying to stay sane in a completely chaotic world makes life incredibly difficult. For those readers who are deep in the darkness of mental illness, I hope my book makes you feel less alone.

Take care, love,
Ruby x


'One of the most powerful books of the year' Daily Mail

'Nobody can make the serious funny and the funny serious quite like Ruby.' - Alastair Campbell

'If you buy only one book this year, make it this one.' - Joanna Lumley

'A true tour de force. We're all a little messed up in our own ways, but we should all strive to be as fabulously fearless as Ruby.' - Fearne Cotton

As seen on Channel 5 Castaway

Sunday Times bestseller, May 2023

©2023 Ruby Wax (P)2023 Penguin Audio

Entertainment & Celebrities Mental Health Mood Disorders Personal Development Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Meditation Funny Heartfelt Witty Health

Critic reviews

An exceptional account on mental health from a true tour de force. We're all a little messed up in our own ways, but we should all strive to be as fabulously fearless as Ruby (Fearne Cotton)
Not only will this book make you feel less alone, it also might just change your life (Scarlett Curtis)
If you buy only one book this year, make it this one. Brilliant, heartbreakingly funny and painful: I couldn't put it down (Joanna Lumley)
Nobody can make the serious funny and the funny serious quite like Ruby. It's why she is so important to the mental-health debate (Alastair Campbell)
One of the most powerful books of the year
An unflinchingly honest account
An open account of the benefits of therapy, particularly cognitive behavioural therapy, can only benefit readers and the book is a firm reminder that everyone can struggle
Follow Wax on the winding road on which she tries to find herself, where you'll encounter many side-splitting laughs, the odd tear and no doubt fragments of yourself along the way
There is no-one as witty, inspiring and frank as Ruby Wax when it comes to mental health - this book provides a brutally honest and thoughtful insight into Wax's journey, including conversations with therapists and the highs and lows of fame
A typically sharp read, full of wit and brutally honest observations
All stars
Most relevant
Half way through the first chapter I had to pause as I was laughing that much I couldn't breathe! Ruby is wonderful, my Birthday is a day after hers so think as a fellow Aries I appreciate her sarcasm & 100 mile an hour crazy all the more, Ed is a trooper and I wish them a long loving & chaotic life together.

Loved this and Ruby

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Enormously talented and laugh out loud crazy. I love her brutal honesty on how life’s traumas can really screw you up.
A personal reflective journey, of traumatic & humorous past encounters …… so glad Ruby chose to narrate if .

So funny even in her darkest moments !!

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I loved this audiobook, I’ve always thought Ruby Wax was hilarious and there are many laugh out loud moments in this. The serious side of her story it much more hard hitting, it’s deep and meaningful and I found myself listening very intensely to what was being expressed. An incredible woman who has put her heart and soul into this book and in doing so, given us all something to think about, question what drives us and why we do the things we do . Highly recommended I love her

Insightful reflective memoir of a life well lived

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I would recommend this to anyone who has suffered with depression. It will make you understand it’s not just you and make you laugh!

Brilliant and funny

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I don’t often write a review but it’s important to thank you personally it was my story and I felt validated by your generous gift to me . You are a wonderful human being and I guess you’ve made me feel a little bit wonderful too . You are now of course my best friend but I’ll try not to get jealous . Xxx

So relatable

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