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The Amateurs

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The Amateurs

By: John Niven
Narrated by: Angus King
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About this listen

Gary is a sweet and decent man. Only two things would improve his life - having children with his gorgeous wife, Pauline, and a lower golf handicap. Both are unlikely.

Pauline is wondering how she ended up living in an ugly little house, driving a second-hand car and making a living dressing up as Tinker Bell. She's planning to leave Gary for a self-made carpet millionaire.

Findlay, the Carpet King of Scotland, wants to trade in his obese wife for a younger model. But if he goes for a divorce, she'll take him to the cleaners. If only there was some way she could be made to disappear....

Lee, Gary's luckless brother, has botched one too many drug deals. Local crime overlord Ranta Campbell gives him one more job - one last chance to get it right. Lee's done some bad things - but murder?

When Gary gets smashed on the head by a golf ball and miraculously develops an absolutely perfect swing, everyone finds their fates rest on the final day of the Open Championship....

©2015 John Niven (P)2015 Random House AudioBooks
Crime Crime Thrillers Thriller Thriller & Suspense Fiction Funny Feel-Good Witty Golf Suspense Sports Marriage

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All stars
Most relevant
Never has a book made me laugh out loud as much as this one did. John Nivens best book in my opinion, however they are all great.

Funniest book I've ever heard/read

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Funniest book you’ll ever read, You’ll laugh till your sides hurt and then laugh some more.

Laugh yer cock aff

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By far the best book i have ever heard.You can't help but laugh out loud.

laugh out loud

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Read and listened to this a few times now and I rarely go back to a book. The only book I have genuinely laughed out loud in a public place attracting lots of strange looks. The story is so absurd and hilarious and all us struggling golfers will relate to the protagonist's woes in the early part of the book. Golf and Gangsters, what is not to love!

A must for struggling golfers.

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the narrator does a great reading , adding humourous voices to a brilliantly funny book . Defo worth a listen

THE DOGS F@#$¥¥ BOLLOX.

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