From the author of Being Infinite comes a new memoir and deeply personal story of suffering and learning to cope with a chronic sleep disorder for which there has been no medical miracle, no spontaneous healing, or spiritual transformation.

This is a story about what happens when sleep goes bad, and when there’s no clear reasons why or no clear path to fixing what’s gone wrong.

In January 2019, after experiencing a lifetime of poor sleep and a rapid and dramatic degeneration of his ability to sleep over the course of 2018, author and nondual entheogenic educator Martin Ball completely lost the ability to sleep for 10 consecutive days. This horrific event, what led up to it, and the challenging and difficult aftermath is explored in intimate personal detail in this book. No stone is left unturned in this unintentional exploration of the altered states of being awake.

In his account of his chronic sleep disorder, Ball shares details from his personal life, relationships, and attempt to regain some normalcy with his sleep by rediscovering himself, his purpose, and how he rebuilt his life. As he states at the outset, it’s not a story with a happy ending, because while there’s been improvement, there’s been no end to his chronic condition, which now impacts his life on a daily basis.

Not that he hasn’t tried. Within this audiobook, you’ll get all the details about neurofeedback, transcranial magnetic stimulation, acupuncture, Chinese herbs, blue light-blocking glasses, sleep coaches, therapy, meditation, visualizing better health, supplements, medications, binaural beats, diets, and so much more.

Along with personal experiences, Ball also includes his many observations on life, culture, politics, coronavirus, manufactured outrage, conspiracy theories, conspirituality, psychedelic culture, and the various approaches to health and wellness from a critical and rational perspective. Sharp, sardonic, ironic, and at times grim, Ball shares it all in this personal narrative about suffering and uncertainty, and learning how to accept and live with it when life fails to provide relief or answers.