As my work with clients has deepened, I’ve noticed that almost everyone eventually arrives at the same layer underneath it all: I’m not enough, I’m too much, there’s something inherently wrong with me. Some clients don’t resonate with the word shame at all, but the moment I mention feeling not enough, they recognize it immediately. That connection is what sparked this conversation.

In this episode, I’m so excited to welcome Rachel Kelly back to the podcast. Rachel was my very first guest and has been my personal mentor over the last nine months, walking me through healing my own not enough wound. Together we explore what shame actually is, why it’s so hard to feel, and how much we unconsciously organize our lives and relationships around avoiding it.

This episode is for anyone who has spent years trying to prove their worth, who feels the grip of anxious attachment the moment a partner pulls away, or who has quietly made being single mean something about them.

In this episode:

• What shame is, why it can feel like you’re going to die, and why it’s so closely tied to our need for belonging
• How the not enough wound forms in small, everyday moments of childhood, often through our parents’ own unhealed wounds
• The way not enough and fear of loss fuel each other in anxious attachment
• The shame triangle (inner critic, shame part, and rescuer) and how it shows up when a partner gives you feedback
• How to be with the physical sensation of shame without feeding the stories it tells you about yourself
• Why so many single people believe something is wrong with them, and how to stop pedestaling romantic partnership
• My own story of uncovering my not enough wound with Rachel, and the grief I found underneath the shame

Key takeaways:

• Shame often hides behind more familiar language like not enough, too much, or even anxiety, so sometimes the simplest doorway in is asking what you feel when you feel not enough
• The only way out of anxious attachment is through, which means making a different choice and letting yourself feel the discomfort that comes with it
• When you get stuck in the stories, you’re avoiding the feeling, and coming back to the physical sensation is what allows shame to actually move through your body
• Shame carries real wisdom when we build enough safety to listen to it, and there is often a layer of grief waiting underneath
• Treating what’s already in your life as enough is a powerful practice for tending the not enough wound from the outside in

Reflection question: What if the things in your life weren’t confirmation that you’re not enough, but a reflection of a belief that’s ready to shift?

About Rachel Kelly: Rachel helps people to rewire their nervous systems out of survival mode and build secure attachment. She is obsessed with helping you feel your feelings, build internal safety and create a life beyond your wildest dreams.

Connect with Rachel

• Instagram
• TikTok
• Podcast
• Website

Connect with Lindsey
www.lindseybournecoaching.com

Get on the waitlist for early access + discounted pricing for or my interactive guidebook, How to Actually Move Through the Power Struggle

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and/or leave a review to help the podcast reach more listeners! <3

Have you ever done all the work, read all the books, understood your attachment style, and then gotten into a relationship and found yourself right back in the same patterns?

That's where Lizzy was when she found me. Painfully self-aware, years of therapy under her belt, and still getting activated in ways she couldn't shift in the moment. In this episode, I'm bringing a former client onto the podcast for the first time to share her story, her experience of our work together, and what actually allowed her to create change.

This episode is for anyone who knows their attachment style, understands where it came from, and still feels like their nervous system takes over the moment relationships start to deepen.

In this episode:

• Why insight alone is often not enough to shift deep relational patterns
• What somatic parts work actually looks like in practice, through Lizzy's real experience
• The "not enough" wound, where it comes from, and how it shows up in dating
• How to tell the difference between your own projection and genuine incompatibility
• What it feels like when grief actually metabolizes from your body rather than just being managed

Key takeaways:

• You can't do all your healing alone. Some wounds only reveal themselves in relationship
• Triggers are not the enemy. They're a roadmap back to the parts of you still needing tending
• Worthiness isn't just a belief. It's something that has to shift in your body to change how you show up in relationships.
• The goal isn't a perfectly calm, regulated nervous system. It's a flexible one

Reflection question: What if your triggers weren't evidence that something is wrong, but a roadmap back to the parts of you that are asking for your attention?

Connect with Lizzy

IG: @lizzyfromtheblock__

Connect with Lindsey
www.lindseybournecoaching.com

Get on the waitlist for early access + discounted pricing for or my interactive guidebook, How to Actually Move Through the Power Struggle

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and/or leave a review to help the podcast reach more listeners! <3

What if the grief you've been carrying in your head could only be released through your body?

What if the relationship that collapsed was actually the thing that brought you back to yourself?

What if reinvention isn't something you plan, but something your body leads you toward when you finally stop running from the pain?

In this episode I'm joined by Helen Phelan, founder of Helen Phelan Studio. Helen and I went to college together, but ended up on opposite sides of the country. What started as following her movement work on Instagram turned into watching someone navigate divorce, identity collapse, and a full creative and professional reinvention in real time, and sharing all of it with radical honesty and so much realness.

This conversation goes deep on what happens when your whole sense of self was wrapped up in a relationship, and what it takes to find your way back to who you actually are.

In this episode:

• How disordered eating and a dance career shaped Helen's relationship to her body and eventually led to her intuitive movement framework
• What intuitive exercise actually means and why pleasure is a more sustainable motivator than punishment
• Movement as a creative practice and pathway to flow state
• The identity collapse that followed the end of her marriage and what the rock bottom period actually looked like
• Why her female friendships saved her and what that taught her about where she'd been placing her sense of worth
• The role of somatic release, EMDR, and daily improv in processing grief that words couldn't reach
• The difference between circling around grief intellectually and actually releasing it from your body

Key takeaways:

• Grief that stays in the head doesn't fully process. The body has to be part of it
• The relationship ending wasn't the loss - staying would have meant continuing to lose herself
• How female friendships are just as, if not more important, than romantic love
• Movement doesn't have to be punishment. The more pleasurable you make it, the more consistent you'll be

Reflection question from this episode: Where in your life have you been trying to think your way through something your body is actually asking you to feel?

Where to find Helen:
helenphelanstudio.com
Instagram: @helenvphelan
Substack: Well Hell by Helen Phelan Studio

Free Friday Pilates Zoom class: available to Helen Phelan Studio members and Substack subscribers, Fridays at 12pm ET

Connect with Lindsey
www.lindseybournecoaching.com

Get on the waitlist for early access + discounted pricing for or my interactive guidebook, How to Actually Move Through the Power Struggle

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and/or leave a review to help the podcast reach more listeners! <3