As my work with clients has deepened, I’ve noticed that almost everyone eventually arrives at the same layer underneath it all: I’m not enough, I’m too much, there’s something inherently wrong with me. Some clients don’t resonate with the word shame at all, but the moment I mention feeling not enough, they recognize it immediately. That connection is what sparked this conversation.

In this episode, I’m so excited to welcome Rachel Kelly back to the podcast. Rachel was my very first guest and has been my personal mentor over the last nine months, walking me through healing my own not enough wound. Together we explore what shame actually is, why it’s so hard to feel, and how much we unconsciously organize our lives and relationships around avoiding it.

This episode is for anyone who has spent years trying to prove their worth, who feels the grip of anxious attachment the moment a partner pulls away, or who has quietly made being single mean something about them.

In this episode:

• What shame is, why it can feel like you’re going to die, and why it’s so closely tied to our need for belonging
• How the not enough wound forms in small, everyday moments of childhood, often through our parents’ own unhealed wounds
• The way not enough and fear of loss fuel each other in anxious attachment
• The shame triangle (inner critic, shame part, and rescuer) and how it shows up when a partner gives you feedback
• How to be with the physical sensation of shame without feeding the stories it tells you about yourself
• Why so many single people believe something is wrong with them, and how to stop pedestaling romantic partnership
• My own story of uncovering my not enough wound with Rachel, and the grief I found underneath the shame

Key takeaways:

• Shame often hides behind more familiar language like not enough, too much, or even anxiety, so sometimes the simplest doorway in is asking what you feel when you feel not enough
• The only way out of anxious attachment is through, which means making a different choice and letting yourself feel the discomfort that comes with it
• When you get stuck in the stories, you’re avoiding the feeling, and coming back to the physical sensation is what allows shame to actually move through your body
• Shame carries real wisdom when we build enough safety to listen to it, and there is often a layer of grief waiting underneath
• Treating what’s already in your life as enough is a powerful practice for tending the not enough wound from the outside in

Reflection question: What if the things in your life weren’t confirmation that you’re not enough, but a reflection of a belief that’s ready to shift?

About Rachel Kelly: Rachel helps people to rewire their nervous systems out of survival mode and build secure attachment. She is obsessed with helping you feel your feelings, build internal safety and create a life beyond your wildest dreams.

Connect with Rachel

• Instagram
• TikTok
• Podcast
• Website

Connect with Lindsey
www.lindseybournecoaching.com

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