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You Are the One You've Been Waiting For
- Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships
- Narrated by: Martin LaGrande, Mike Berlak
- Length: 6 hrs and 10 mins
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You Are the One You've Been Waiting For
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Summary
A groundbreaking approach for practicing courageous love and resilient intimacy—from the creator of Internal Family Systems therapy
Do loving relationships end because couples lack communication skills, struggle to empathize, and fail to accommodate each other’s needs? That’s a common belief within and outside of the therapeutic world… but what if it’s all wrong? In You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For, Dr. Richard Schwartz, the celebrated founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, offers a new way—a path toward courageous love that replaces the striving, dependent, and disconnected approach to solving relationship challenges.
The breakthrough realization of IFS is that our psyche contains multiple parts, each with a life of its own. Most problems in relationships arise because we unknowingly burden our partner with the task of caring for our disowned and unloved parts. In this book, you’ll discover essential insights and tools to foster healthy dialogue with your parts and your partner, including:
• How to recognize and disarm the cultural assumptions that create shame, guilt, and isolation in relationships
• The Three Projects—why we fool ourselves into thinking we must change our partner, change ourselves, or give up on true intimacy
• Finding and Healing Exiles—transforming the way our most vulnerable parts influence the way we treat each other
• How to reorient relationship conflicts to help each of us grow toward the Self—the center of our clarity and wisdom
• Courageous Love—building resilient intimacy with each other and our parts to create healthy, lasting partnerships
“No one can do the work of healing our orphaned parts for us,” says Dr. Schwartz. “Yet when we begin with Self-leadership, a relationship can become a safe place in which we help each other heal and grow.” Here is an invaluable guide for therapists and laypersons alike to promote connection, trust, and understanding—within yourself and with the one you love.
Critic reviews
“This profound and readable book provides clear guidelines for therapists and clients alike. In ways that complement my own work, clients learn how to unload the cultural and family burdens that block intimacy by keeping them locked in rigid gender roles. Therapists learn an empowering and practical process for treating couples. I enthusiastically recommend this book to anyone serious about improving relationships in the world today!”—Terrence Real, author of I Don’t Want to Talk about It, How Can I Get Through to You?, and The New Rules of Marriage
“This highly original book offers critical new insights into obstacles to the dance of intimacy. Most of us have inner exiled parts that carry burdens of shame and abandonment from our past. These interfere with our capacity for intimacy. Dick Schwartz shows us how to use the exiles our partners trigger in us to find and heal the source—our original attachment injuries. This releases our capacity to be fully alive in relationships.”—Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD, medical director, the Trauma Center, and professor of psychiatry, Boston University School of Medicine
“You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For is my relationship bible! The IFS principles and methods shared in this book have offered me direct access to ‘courageous love’ and a greater connection to my husband than I ever thought possible. The book is on my bedside table, and I turn to it as a nightly ritual.”—Gabby Bernstein, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Universe Has Your Back
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What listeners say about You Are the One You've Been Waiting For
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Duvets
- 26-12-23
Useful even for those working alone
A lot of information- I’m on my third listen. I’m working alone without my partner but it’s still incredibly helpful and I’m using the information to work on myself, which it turns out is what we have to do anyway. Highly recommended.
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- Nicola Jane Swinton
- 06-06-23
Excellent advice well worth it
Would definitely recommend this audiobook for all couples, gives a deeper understanding of how your mind works and how to work together
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Kim Gregory
- 07-06-23
Excellent content, as always with Richard Schwartz
I’ve had the good fortune of reading all three of Dick Schwartz’s books and experiencing IFS therapy so this was all very familiar and yet very affirming too.
I highly recommend leaning into his work in this book and others as it has the potential to transform our relationships, primarily with ourselves but also with others.
My only reservation is that it’s not read by Schwarz himself, as I really enjoyed listening to him in No Bad Parts. But I soon adapted!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Tom Lidström
- 27-05-23
Priceless insights on intimacy
Love this book and will re-read it. It might just be the best book on relationship/intimacy that I’ve read. I think that IFS brings an incredible depths to this area in a very practical and real way. Thank you Richard!
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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- ms j.
- 08-06-23
Wonderful Informative Book
Very helpful, Richard Schwartz is a genius, gave me a deeper understanding of relationship dynamics
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- Anonymous User
- 21-09-23
Phenomenal insight and depth
Phenomenal insight and depth.
Schwartz is a hero to me.
The understanding of the mind and how its communicated here is just so good.
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- James A Brinck
- 15-11-23
Understand Yourself
I will reread this book. It contains many ideas which map onto more difficult psychological phenomena but give an easier framework to think about them.
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- MaryT kavanagh.
- 20-08-23
will listen over again.
loved it.
a real gem for me.... working with parts.
thank you very much for your work .
appreciated 🙏
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- Nobby89UK
- 04-06-23
Excellent book…
Very interesting, been doing ifs now for a few years with individuals, gained insight and self awareness in the interactions in my own relationship… Very cool ❤️
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- Finna
- 23-10-23
The best book for struggling couples
I can’t think of any couple’s struggle that this book wouldn’t apply to.
We underestimate how much our childhood traumas (and this includes unmet needs) affects our future relationships.
If you’re ever triggered or hurt by your partner, this is the book for you.
I would recommend listening to this before Schwartz’s earlier book ‘No Bad Parts’.
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