A listener writes in about growing up with a parent who was controlling, critical and sometimes physically abusive, and who scrutinised her weight from childhood. She has built a life she is happy with, but now her other parent is seriously ill, and her difficult parent, who is caring for them, phones almost daily to complain. They feel better afterwards, while she feels anxious and unable to sleep. Setting boundaries can bring rage and silent treatment, and she doesn't want to cut either parent off. She wants to know how to have a relationship with the parent she actually has, and how to tell compassion from childhood conditioning.

In this episode Helen works through why the real question may be how to grieve the parent you never had, and why that grief is what makes a relationship with the parent you do have possible.

Covered in this episode:

- Grieving the parent you never had, and why it isn't giving up on the one you have

- Parentification, and the "what would my parent think?" voice as a shield

- Being the repository for someone else's distress

- Compassion versus conditioning, and the question that tells them apart

- Why you don't have to choose between taking everything and abandoning them

- Quiet boundaries, and what to expect when the old system notices a change

Helen covers parentification in more depth in episode 4 of Is This A Thing?, the paid companion show, available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify or to Foundation tier and above members of The Hub.

Got a question you want answered? Use the submission link below, or leave it as a comment wherever you are listening.

Submit a Question: https://liberationacademy.co.uk/podcast/

The Hub: liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub

Aperio Profiles: aperioprofiles.co.uk

If anything in this episode is close to home, please consider contacting your local mental health services or your GP. In an emergency, always 999.