Pull up a bit of the couch: it’s Champions Cup round one at Loftus, we can’t find Stade’s American prop Jack Iscaro, and Tocco thinks we’re broadcasting from Peoria, Illinois.

Jonesy comes in hot when a pencil-thin scrum half starts telling grown front rowers how to hold their body weight and goes on a rant 20 years of playing in the making, a hooker bleeds from his ear for most of the match, and Marco van Staden takes the scrum places no scrum should have to go. There’s a man held together by tape and dreams, a history lesson on the French and the Germans, the Metzstein Files are back, and someone ends up “hand job adjacent.”

Confidently incorrect, half-cocked, and with a cold Negroni in hand. It’s rugby the way you’ve always loved it. Welcome to the Wrong Side of the Ruck. We think you’ll like it here.

Follow us on IG @WrongSideoftheRuck and email us at wrongsideoftheruck@gmail.com

0:00 Cold open: tape and dreams3:30 Live from Peoria9:21 Kickoff14:32 The first scrum18:56 Pollard's 50/2228:35 Pronunciation court34:47 Commercial: the East Side Hyenas38:31 Pencil-thin scrum halves45:33 Too aggressive in the scrum53:58 Are the French Germanic?58:42 The Metzstein Files1:01:51 Halftime: Fable and Glen Gouley1:04:20 Second half1:11:54 Botha or Bakkies?1:18:46 Who has it worse in preseason?1:33:38 DIY or die1:35:56 Hand job adjacent1:42:23 The 25 lb kettlebell1:50:02 Next week: Negroni, Scotch and Glasgow1:55:48 Outro

The couch lands in Eden Park this week as we polish the Bledisloe Cup up and Jones sits on the edge of his seat in hope. Right out of the gate Tocco looks to go in dry and get this thing fired up.

We debate Mackenzie at 10, get a good yell in at the Ref's for that BS call and watch try after try roll in on both sides. We get lost a bit takling small hookers and nails in the coffin but steer the couch back around to talk the AB's skills in flodding through the line and opening up opportunities.

Confidently incorrect, chaotic calls and good people to argue with. Grab a beer, bring a friend and pull up a bit of the couch.

Welcome to the Wrong Side of the Ruck. We think you'll like it here.

Find us on IG at WrongSideoftheRuck

We take the couch out of the southern hemisphere this week to get back to the UK and the URC where it's a Welsh derby. Scarlets vs. Dragons. Jones takes a Dragons try very personally, Tocco gets told to fuck off twice inside a minute and both are earned.

We've got Q-Tip blonde hair on an islander, a linout that fails to succeed and a maul so dirty it should have to register on a list somewhere. Manzano comes within a bootlace of glory, somebody's drinking like a little bitch and someone else thinks a casual 10 beers is just a quiet Tuesday.

It's rugby the way you've always loved it. Confidently incorrect, with a cold beer in hand and good people to argue with. Pull up a bit of the couch, bring a friend and join us here on the Wrong Side of the Ruck. We think you'll like it here.