Nobody is born good at hard conversations. Not even the people who teach them.

I’ve spent years running Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead™ programme. I built the Courageous Communication™ programme specifically around the skills of having hard conversations. But teaching it and living it are two different things. In this episode I sit down with my colleague Hannah Hudson to talk honestly about what it's actually like trying to walk that talk every day.

The defensiveness that creeps in when a client gives feedback. The resentment that builds when you let something go but don't really let it go. The moment all your skills go out the window in a meeting you thought you'd ace.

We cover why anger sometimes feels like the only possible response (and why there are always other options), how to set a boundary without being angry, and the one definition of success in a hard conversation that doesn't depend on how the other person responds.

If you've ever swallowed the thing you needed to say - this one's for you.

🎓 Want to get better at hard conversations? Start with the free Courageous Communication™ email course: https://nz.boma.global/cc-email-course

🧭 Explore upcoming Dare to Lead™ programmes: https://nz.boma.global/dare-to-lead

–

Hunger & Heart is brought to you by the Crusaders Leadership Programme™. Whether you're coaching under-5s or a professional team, we all want the same thing: to build cultures of trust, get the best out of our people, and grow players into leaders.

The Crusaders Leadership Programme™ lets you get up close and personal with some of the greatest rugby legends of all time — people like Sir Wayne Smith, Sam Whitelock, and Kieran Read.  You'll connect with a global group of ambitious, caring coaches from a range of codes and backgrounds, and most importantly, you'll gain skills and techniques to drive impact and outcomes for your team.  

The Crusaders Leadership Programme™ is a two-week high-intensity virtual experience.  It is delivered exclusively online, accessible from anywhere.

Hunger and heart Listeners get 10% off the full price of the program. Use the code HUNGER at checkout. Find out more: crusadersleadership.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

⚠️ Please note: this conversation talks about depression and mental health. If you or someone you know is struggling, free help is available through Lifeline - call 0508 TAUTOKO, that's 0508 828 865.

Sir John Kirwan is one of New Zealand's greatest All Blacks — but, while he lived the life of a champion, his mental health suffered. He's since become one of the country's greatest wellbeing advocates - speaking openly about his own depression, the night on tour when he wanted to jump out of a window, and rebuilding his entire life from scratch.

In this conversation with Kaila Colbin, JK talks about what depression actually felt like from the inside, why he had to treat himself like he was dead before he could start again, and the system he built - and now teaches - to make sure he never goes back there.

This isn't a rugby episode - though there are some great stories. It's a conversation about what it takes to perform at the highest level of anything - and why care isn't the soft option.

In this episode:

• Why JK says balance is bullsh*t - and what to do instead
• The night he wanted to end his life, and what his mum said that changed everything
• How he put his life into boxes and rebuilt it from the ground up
• The All Blacks' performance-care philosophy - and why he believes it's why they finally won the World Cup in 2011
• The six daily pillars he uses to protect his mental health
• Why the care conversation and the performance conversation are the same conversation
• What a Catholic priest told him before his wedding that became some of the best advice he's ever received
• Why the badge of honour around working yourself to exhaustion is destroying people
• The "to-done" list - and why it matters more than your to-do list
• What it means to manage your imbalance instead of chasing balance

📚 JK's Books

All Blacks Don't Cry: A Story of Hope - https://www.fishpond.co.nz/Books/All-Blacks-Dont-Cry-John-Kirwan/9781776950492

Stand By Me: Helping Your Teen Through Tough Times - https://www.fishpond.co.nz/Books/Stand-By-Me-John-Kirwan/9780143570639

–

A huge thanks to Celebrity Speakers for supporting this episode. If you want to book Sir John Kirwan for a keynote and leave your audience hungry for more, visit celebrityspeakers.co.nz.

Hunger & Heart is brought to you by the Crusaders Leadership Programme™. Whether you're coaching under-5s or a professional team, we all want the same thing: to build cultures of trust, get the best out of our people, and grow players into leaders.

The Crusaders Leadership Programme™ lets you get up close and personal with some of the greatest rugby legends of all time — people like Sir Wayne Smith, Sam Whitelock, and Kieran Read. You'll connect with a global group of ambitious, caring coaches from a range of codes and backgrounds, and most importantly, you'll gain skills and techniques to drive impact and outcomes for your team.

The Crusaders Leadership Programme™ is a two-week high-intensity virtual experience. It is delivered exclusively online, accessible from anywhere.

Hunger and heart Listeners get 10% off the full price of the program. Use the code HUNGER at checkout. Find out more: crusadersleadership.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dame Farah Palmer wasn't the most talented athlete in the room. She was nearly invisible at her first university orientation week. And then… someone from the rugby club noticed her.

In this conversation, Kaila Colbin sits down with one of New Zealand's most decorated sportswomen: three-time Black Ferns World Cup captain, Dame Companion, first woman elected to the New Zealand Rugby board, and one of the architects of the Women’s Rugby World Cup 2021 in Aotearoa.

We get to the origin story most haven’t heard: the absent father, the eating disorder, the scholarship her mum found for her, and what it actually means to lead when you're not sure you're the right person.

Please note: this conversation contains discussion about eating disorders. If you or someone you know is struggling, free help is available through EDANZ — call 0800 2 EDANZ (0800 233 269).

This episode covers:

• Growing up in Piopio and the sliding-doors moment at Otago University
• Being shoulder-tapped for rugby at 16 and what it did for her relationship with her body
• Being asked to captain the Black Ferns - and hiding behind the door afterwards
• The "BTB" framework: Better Than Before and what it did for team culture
• What she calls her “fourth World Cup” and why it means more than the three on the field

📖 Book mentioned: Who Moved My Cheese - https://www.unitybooks.co.nz/products/who-moved-my-cheese

–

Hunger & Heart is brought to you by the Crusaders Leadership Programme™. Whether you're coaching under-5s or a professional team, we all want the same thing: to build cultures of trust, get the best out of our people, and grow players into leaders.

The Crusaders Leadership Programme™ lets you get up close and personal with some of the greatest rugby legends of all time — people like Sir Wayne Smith, Sam Whitelock, and Kieran Read.  You'll connect with a global group of ambitious, caring coaches from a range of codes and backgrounds, and most importantly, you'll gain skills and techniques to drive impact and outcomes for your team.  

The Crusaders Leadership Programme™ is a two-week high-intensity virtual experience.  It is delivered exclusively online, accessible from anywhere.

Hunger and heart Listeners get 10% off the full price of the program. Use the code HUNGER at checkout. Find out more: crusadersleadership.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.