The Chazon Ish wrote a famous letter to a young avreich in his first year of marriage. Are you sure you're not skipping the rules in it?

Rav Chaim Friedlander now brings the Chazon Ish's letter, and Rabbi Klapper shows why it applies to every couple, not only those in shana rishona. Her deepest enjoyment is knowing she finds favor in her husband's eyes, so he must work to show her love and closeness by talking with her and spending time with her. (Al tarbeh sicha im ha'isha is about talk that isn't needed.) Formality breeds fear and distance; speak to her the way a right hand relates to the left. Tell her where you're going and what you did, and give her chizuk. Then the point most people forget: daven for shalom bayis. The Gemara in Gittin describes the Satan stirring up strife on Erev Shabbos, so ask Hashem for help every Friday. Rabbi Klapper knows Erev Shabbos chaos firsthand, including a race for stitches minutes before candle lighting.

A Midrash explains that once Chava was created, ish and isha could only live together when Hashem put His Name between them. Take out the yud and the hei, and what's left is two fires. If shalom bayis takes a miracle, techniques won't produce it; bring in the One who makes miracles. That is also why Rabbi Klapper warns against secular marriage books built on getting what you want instead of achdus. Finally, the Chazon Ish adds one word to the mitzvah of v'simach es ishto: it is a chov, an obligation, not a perk. Just as chetzyo lachem on Yom Tov means serving Hashem with the physical, the year of simcha is a duty, not free time.

Ready to bring Hashem into your home and take the first year's rules seriously, whatever year you're in? Tune in.

Hosted by Rabbi Ari Klapper and produced by Eli Podcast Productions, this episode is part of the Real Judaism series, available on RealJudaism.org. Don't forget to subscribe and share to stay connected with our daily lessons and timeless Torah insights!