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Creative Alchemy

Creative Alchemy

Yazan: Alexandra Amor
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Creative Alchemy explores the healing properties of creative expression after a cult or other traumatic experience. Art Biological Sciences Literary History & Criticism Science
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  • The Healing Properties of Exposing Cult Secrets with Esther Friedman

    The Healing Properties of Exposing Cult Secrets with Esther Friedman
    22 Oct 2026
    Secrets are toxic and damaging. If you’ve been in a cult you know this and you may also know how secrets can be used to control us when we’re in a high demand situation. When today’s guest Esther Friedman left the cult she belonged to she took a very firm stance against secrets and I loved talking to her about this during our interview. I related to so much of what she had to say and since we spoke I’ve been reflecting on the destructive power of secrets. In the introduction I talk about this conversation with Esther has had me reflecting on secrets and how cults use them. I was thinking about the concentric circles of secrets in the cult I belonged to. As a tactic for control and manipulation the cult leader I followed would keep secrets from the group and/or would let certain people know certain secrets and others in the group would be aware of this and know that they weren’t high enough in the group hierarchy to know those secrets. In the sociological and psychological study of cults this is often called ‘information control’. Robert J. Lifton calls it ‘millieu control’. Steven Hassan talks about how cults teach different levels of information to different members of a group. Margaret Singer talks about how controlling information and keeping members unable to fully evaluate what is happening is central to coercive persuasion. So, secrets are a valuable tool to the cult leader. I experienced that and so did Esther. If you’ve been in a cult I think you’ll enjoy hearing about how Esther used creative expression to work through her feelings and process her anger after leaving ‘The School’. I also reflect on the unexpected pleasure this podcast has brought me because it allows me to connect with other cult survivors. Interviewing my guests and talking about our shared experiences is healing something in me, and that’s not something I’d planned for with this show, but it’s a very welcome part of my experience. Esther Friedman is a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC), expressive art therapist, songwriter, recording artist, performer, and author of The Gentle Souls Revolution. This book depicts her 5-year misadventure in a “secret mystery school” that taught her how cults exploit human nature. She embraced her anger, formed a personal policy of No More Secrets, posted a blog, and started protecting her time and energy fiercely.
 A funny thing happened: as she exposed cult secrets and reclaimed her voice, her heart calmed and her mind cleared. She took the narrative back, and her truth contradicted the group’s claimed ideology. Esther discovered that what was good for her was also good for the people that she loves. That’s the basis and therapy model for her clinical practice, The Gentle Souls Revolution. Learn more about Ester Friedman at GentleSoulsRevolution.com This episode of Creative Alchemy is supported by the audiobook version of my award-winning, Amazon best-selling memoir, Cult, A Love Story. Readers call the book ‘compelling’ ‘gritty’ ‘intimate’ and ‘not boring’ – which is what an author loves to hear. I narrated the audiobook and if you have a Spotify premium subscription you can listen to the audiobook for free as part of that subscription at alexandraamor.com/spotify. You can listen above, on your favorite podcast app, or watch on YouTube. Notes, links, resources and a full transcript are below. Show Notes On being deliberately groomed and recruited into a secret cultLeaving the group five years later and realizing how much secrecy was involvedThe difference between secrecy and privacyThe cognitive load that secrets createReclaiming ownership of personal timeHow expressing our feelings in writing can help us find our voice againOnly understanding what we’ve gone through when we write it downHow high-demand groups deliberately create confusion And how reverse engineering this confusion is healingReclaiming our identity in the cult recovery processKnowing when to take a break from a writing project for self-care Resources Mentioned in this Episode Esther’s book The Gentle Souls RevolutionDan Shaw’s book Traumatic NarcissismMartha Beck’s book Leaving the Saints Transcript of the interview with Esther Friedman Alexandra: Esther Friedman, welcome to Creative Alchemy. Esther: Thank you, Alexandra, for having me. Alexandra: You’re so welcome. Please tell us a little bit about your background and also about the cult that you were involved in. Esther: Well, maybe we’ll start with the cult. Because that led to the background, I guess. Although I had a master’s degree as an expressive arts therapist before the cult, but the cult is what led me to what I’m doing today. So the cult is something that you probably have not heard of because it’s very, very secretive. When I was in it, it was simply called School. It has also been called Odyssey Study Group. Back in the 60s and 70s, it was called the Theater of All ...
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    57 dk.
  • Burning to Write the Truth with Renee Linnell

    Burning to Write the Truth with Renee Linnell
    15 Oct 2026
    One of the big takeaways I have from this conversation with Renee Linnell was when she reminded me that shame dissipates as we tell our stories. When we tell the truth about an experience we feel shame about, that act of speaking up breaks up the shame, the same way a frozen river’s ice breaks up in the spring. Telling the truth is like sunshine and warmth on that river of shame. Even when we just tell the truth to ourselves. Perhaps especially then! It’s hard to tell the truth sometimes. It can be scary and it can make us feel vulnerable. But it is always worth doing. Renee talks about her journaling practice and how full of anger it was when she first left the cult. I’m glad we talked about that because expressing those feelings is SO important, especially after a cult situation where we’ve been told our thoughts and feelings and our very being don’t matter. It’s healthy to get the river of feelings flowing again. Another thing that Renee points to in this conversation is that writing a memoir about a traumatic experience like being in a cult is difficult. If you’re trying to do that – to write your story – and you’re finding that it’s hard, you’re right! It is hard! But that doesn’t mean you should give up. Just because something is hard or has difficult moments doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the effort. Ask anyone who’s ever raised a child. Renee Linnell is an author, inspirational speaker, entrepreneur, and lifelong adventurer. She has been featured on The Today Show, BBC, NBC, NPR, and numerous other media outlets. Before becoming a writer, she traveled the world as a surf model, danced tango professionally, earned an MBA from New York University, and founded or cofounded six wildly different businesses—from tango shoes and dance companies to fitness, fashion, tech, and publishing. Through her writing and speaking, Renee explores freedom, self-trust, and what it means to return to who we were before the world told us who to be. Learn more about Renee Linnell at ReneeLinnell.com This episode of Creative Alchemy is supported by the Creative Alchemy journaling handbook. This free ebook guides cult and other trauma survivors into the healthy and healing practice of journaling. With a gentle hand and relying on her decades of writing experience, cult survivor Alexandra Amor encourages readers to develop a journaling practice as part of their healing path. Click here to get your complimentary copy. You can listen above, on your favorite podcast app, or watch on YouTube. Notes, links, resources and a full transcript are below. Show Notes Knowing early on that a punishing deity didn’t make senseStarting a spiritual quest at age 15Creating the perfect life and still feeling empty and sadFalling under the spell of a toxic teacherBeginning to write as a way to deal with the difficult emotions after leaving a cultFinding that shame dissipates as we tell our storiesLessons learned about how to write a personal storyWorking with an editor and getting what was needed from that collaborationMoving through the painful process of working with editsResisting suggestions to change the book for a publisher and telling the true story How writing helps us to see our part in what unfolds in lifeRemembering the joy of creativity for its own sake Resources mentioned in this episode Renee’s books The Burn Zone and Still On FireThe Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron Transcript of the Interview with Renee Linnell Alexandra: Renee Linnell, welcome to Creative Alchemy. Renee: Thank you. It’s so nice to be here. Alexandra: It’s nice to have you here. Why don’t you give us a little potted history, as they say in the UK, about yourself and about your time in the Buddhist cult? Renee: I lost most of my family when I was young, and my father died on Thanksgiving Day when I was 15. And so there had just been so much death around me that. He was like my best friend and my hero, and so I just was like, there has to be more out there than what I’m being taught in church and in school. I was raised very Catholic, and I remember sitting in church when I was like five, and I was like, “It doesn’t make sense.” I loved American cheese slices, and so when they said Jesus, I thought they were saying cheese-us. So I pictured like this big American slice of cheese in the sky, and I just remember thinking like, if Jesus, like if God made me and made all of us, then He would love us. Like we’re not sinners. That doesn’t make sense. We’re not flawed. So I was like, okay, the adults have holes in their logic, and so even from a young age, I was like, “Doesn’t make sense.” And then when everyone was dying, I was like, “It doesn’t make sense that we would fall so in love with people, and then they would die, and we’d never see them again.” Like that’s just cruel and horrible. When my dad died, someone gave me the book *Many Lives, Many Masters* by Dr. Brian Weiss, and that ...
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    46 dk.
  • Writing About the Cult Next Door with Tamara Mathieu

    Writing About the Cult Next Door with Tamara Mathieu
    8 Oct 2026
    We all want to belong. As I’ve said previously on this show, we are wired to look for connection and community. That very natural human need is what led today’s guest, Tamara Mathieu, into the Twelve Tribes. Fourteen years later, Tamara and her husband realized they needed to leave what had become a controlling, high-demand situation. One that Tamara would end up writing a book about and telling the truth about her experience. In the introduction, I talk about how personally satisfying for me to hear a cult-related story from someone who had got involved with her partner and then survived the cult with that person and then got out with him as well. And they’re still married now! I don’t know how many partnerships or marriages could survive that kind of journey. Tamara Mathieu joined the Twelve Tribes religious cult in 2000, with her husband and young son. In her memoir, All Who Believed, she tells her story in depth from how she became drawn to the group, what the next fourteen years were like, and finally how her family left in 2014 as a family of six. Writing became a way for her to heal and share her experience in order to educate others about this insidious group. Tamara lives in Vermont, works with adults with disabilities, and now has three grandchildren. Learn more about Tamara Mathieu at TamaraMathieu.com This episode of Creative Alchemy is supported by the audiobook version of my award-winning, Amazon best-selling memoir, Cult, A Love Story. Readers call the book ‘compelling’ ‘gritty’ ‘intimate’ and ‘not boring’ – which is what an author loves to hear. I narrated the audiobook and if you have a Spotify premium subscription you can listen to the audiobook for free as part of that subscription at alexandraamor.com/spotify. You can listen above, on your favorite podcast app, or watch on YouTube. Notes, links, resources and a full transcript are below. Show Notes Searching for answers after the Columbine school shootingOn being introduced to the simple lives of those in the Twelve TribesDiscovering that the reality was very different than the initial impression of the groupConnecting online with others after the Twelve Tribes experience and beginning to write about itFinding freedom in telling the truth about the experience Working on a follow-up memoir about the experience after leaving the Twelve Tribes Resources mentioned in this episode Tamara Mathieu’s book, All Who BelievedTamara on TikTok Transcript of the interview with Tamara Mathieu Alexandra: Tamara Matthew, welcome to Creative Alchemy. Tamara: Hi, thank you for having me. Alexandra: My pleasure. Tell us a little bit about yourself and about your background in the Twelve Tribes. Tamara: I live in Swanton, Vermont. I am a mother of four children. I now have three granddaughters as well. I grew up in Vermont, and I met my husband in 1995. We were both UVM students, University of Vermont, and around let’s see, it must have been 1998. I found out that I was pregnant, and so our lives just took a very different turn. We were still in college and everything, and now we have a baby on the way. And I took that responsibility very seriously that I was going to be a mother. We bought a house, we planned a wedding, and I really started to consider being a mother. What kind of mother was I going to be? I wanted to be a good mother. I really wanted a secure and stable family for my child. You know, all those things. Once my baby was born, I remember an event that really just is in my mind, as one of those moments that I feel like I started searching for something more was when the Columbine shooting happened. My baby Emmett was only five weeks old, and I was very affected by that event. Now that I would potentially be sending my child to school in a few years, and that was so scary. And I thought, am I going to be able to do that? Am I going to feel safe? Is this going to get worse? Is this kind of thing going to be happening more and more? It just was very unsettling, very scary, and I really started at that point to just desire just something safe, something different, something secure, just something wholesome for my child. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time, and I had mom friends, and we had play group. I had a good support in that way, but still, the majority of my day of my time was just me alone in our home with my baby. That was just awfully lonely considering that I was 22 years old and I went from college student. We lived in an apartment with like seven of our friends. There was always something going on, and just carefree and fun. And then all of a sudden, I had this drastic, drastic life change. And I think it’s often in those times where anybody could be susceptible to the message of a group such as the Twelve Tribes, because it was kind of in this state of mind that I met the Twelve Tribes. I was so drawn to their simple life of being together. From the outside, the appeal was so ...
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    48 dk.
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